I had an affair and I want my affair partner to be discovered

[Gemitf]

Had an affair with a married man who has young children. I’m also married with young children.

Since it ended recently, he has gone back to his wife and kids and is living happily like nothing ever happened. I know his wife to say hi to as our kids are at the same school. Everytime I see her it kills me. I can’t bear knowing that he has ‘got away with it’ and hasn’t taken any accountability for his actions.

These feelings are made worse by the fact that my marriage has suffered so badly as a result. I haven’t yet told my husband, but I know I am going to have to if I want any chance of saving the marriage. I can’t continue living dishonestly for the rest of our lives. I assume he will (rightly) want to divorce me. Everything inside me wants to tell my affair partner’s wife what has happened so that he can experience the pain I am experiencing. The bitterness I am feeling is so strong. I want him to be exposed. Should I tell her?

Honestly, suck it up. If you don't want to leave your husband and he obviously doesn't want to leave his wife just stay quiet and work through it at therapy. No good will come of exposing yourself further.

I do think you need to leave your husband though but don't tell him about the cheating. That will only serve your guilty conscience. If it's over, leave him and save him from the awful truth and deceit.

So revenge for nothing then? How’s it his fault you can’t live with yourself? Now not only do you want to tear apart your own family you want to trash his too. That’s not ‘revenge’ it’s more of an attack. It’s no wonder he ended it

What you’re experiencing isn’t guilt, it’s anger that he’s dumped you!

You call it a ‘phoney marriage’, perhaps their marriage is actually really good and he just took the opportunity to take advantage of someone who had no reservations about opening her legs? That makes him an arsehole but it doesn’t mean their marriage isn’t actually really good. So, by telling her all you really want is for you to win and her to lose, at least be honest about that, you don’t give a fuck about telling for any reason other than your own selfishness and ego.

She doesn’t give a shit about her own kids happiness why would she care about someone else’s?

Perhaps he doesn't have guilt.
Perhaps you were one in a long line of women he's been fucking.
Perhaps he's already got the next one lined up.
Perhaps he's broken by the whole thing and telling his wife right now.

You don't know.

Either way, none of it is your business now.

I think if you tell his wife, you need to prepare yourself for this to go absolutely stratospheric. Your husband will find out, kids will find out, your friends…

You aren’t coming out of this well anyway.

Also. You need to put your kids first in taking your next steps here, and making a big drama isn’t the way.

get over it and move on. you just shagged a dirty bloke. park it, forget the drama, no one cares, stop the main character energy and work on your own marriage.

be grateful and keep you legs crossed going fwds

Well you managed lying to his face well enough when the affair was going on eh, channel a bit of that

Honestly, suck it up and grow up OP

Not content with nearly destroying your marriage and another's by having the affair, now that it’s over, you want to cement the destruction of two families!!!!. Young children’s life blown apart!!

Seriously, stop navel gazing and act like a decent mother to your children and keep your mouth shut.

Leaving aside the morality - something that you don’t seem to care about in the slightest, what exactly is the point of this?

If he and his wife will separate, will you really feel better in yourself as you unravel your own wrecked marriage? I doubt it.

Maybe he and his wife will work through it - so then you will feel even worse as your marriage falls apart plus everyone will know that you tried to split them up.

You come out of this badly either way.

Just stop this right now OP.
You knew what you were getting into when you started this.
Walk away and learn from it.

If you want to stay married then I would just keep your gob shut - both with his wide and your husband.

What is to be gained by telling?

Your approach is simply vindictive and it is aimed at the wrong person and innocent children. Can you live with that?

You both made a bad mistake - you have put it right by stopping the nonsense. Do not now cancel that out by doing something else that is wrong.

Get a grip and face your responsibilities to your children. You have already put their needs in second place just for your own pleasure and now need to redress that.

Zip the lip and deal with your venom and guilt some other way that does not hurt other people.

How long did the affair last OP?

Thanks for the replies. You’re right. I am selfish, vindictive and set on revenge. Me telling her is fuelled by a desire for revenge, to make him suffer, not for any altruistic reasons.

' no reservations about opening her legs'

you are another delight!!!

Did he end the affair by any chance?

Revenge isn't going to make anything better for anyone.

Get in the bath and wash yourself with a good soap. Homewrecker

He ended the physical side, but he seems to want to keep the emotional side going. He says he loves me. Sends me essays on WhatsApp. Wants us to hang out without anything physical happening. It’s such a headfuck, what is he trying to achieve?

Tell her. He's a bastard. He should suffer

Agree. It’ll probably make me feel great for a millisecond, and then everything will be 10000 times worse.
How can I stay married and not tell my husband though? Is it possible to have a happy marriage with this sort of secret?

Divorce your husband, you don’t deserve him and he is better off without you.

Why haven’t you blocked him ?

You don’t want to be with your husband do you? Why don’t you do the decent thing and leave him