To say firmly and definitively I won’t miss it

[toomanytakeawaysthissummer]

I realised far too late parenting is not for me, although I still hope things will get better. I had a very unrealistic idea of just how much work small children are.

As a result the last few years have been some of the most miserable of my life and I’ve been wrung out, stressed, exhausted and depleted in every single way from every single part of my life.

Like I say, I am hoping it might get better.

But I’m told by others often with a game chuckle that I’ll miss it one day. That these are the best days (can’t see it myself) and I’ll long for these days in ten years.

Are they fucking mental or what?

Can't say I miss the baby and toddler years. I loved the years between around 8 - 18. And even more now she's an adult.

Yes but you aren't EVERYONE or even most as a PP stated

You’ve mentioned that one of them is repeating phrases with the exact same intimation (I’m a DEVELOPING crab), that they won’t ever be quiet, and don’t follow instructions…..Have the nursery raised any concerns about SEN?

I ask because I have two autistic sons, one repeats phrases constantly (it’s called echolalia) and the other won’t ever stop talking.

If there is any SEN they will get a lot easier to manage once you’re parenting with more knowledge of their needs so maybe worth thinking about?

I don’t miss it. There are moments I cherish and look back on with such warm memories but I’m certainly not longing for those days and I very much enjoyed the baby years, although I did find the toddler years hard. I’m in the sweet spot, mine are 12 and 8 and it’s a lovely age, currently all sat watching outer banks and I love spending time with them. These years are the absolute best. I hope you’ll come to enjoy them as I have.

I fucking hate being a parent.

I have a teenager and I do miss sweet little 1-8 year old I had now he has been taken over by an angry hormonal stroppy person who knows everything better than I do. I still love him to bits but my God its a trial.

I can barely remember the first sixth month though, it was a bit intense.

Amount of people on here who hate parenthood - no wonder there are so many fucked up adults around. No good can come out from being brought up by someone who thinks you are a burden and have ruined their lives.

Edited: I massively support child-free movement. I think its better be cautions and regeret NOT having kids, then have kids and then hate them...

Re. Yelling and screaming alot, and saying things over and over again in loud voices. Can you set some consequences such as if you shout this morning, we won't be doing X or Y treat later? Using quieter, indoor voices? Mine did respond well to consequences.

Personally, I agree with those saying that it gets so much easier from their late teens onwards (mine are 17 and 21) and thankfully, we have decades of adulthood to enjoy. My DD (21) is more like a friend now; she's in charge of her own life so we do fun things together and have good conversations. DS still needs some parenting, but even he mainly organizes his own life. Hang in there, it really does improve.

She said she hated that stage of parenting, not that she hated being a parent and regrets her kids.

I didn't particulalrly enjoy being a parent of babies because I found it a bit dull.

But toddlerhood onwards, was great in so many ways and, yes, hard work.

Mine are both in their 20s now and I have a great relationship with both of them. It was definitely worth the work. My eldest child is now the person who's been in my life and who I've known the longest. I've loved seeing them grow into the people they are today.

Hi OP, I don't have anything helpful to add but just wanted to say I have 5 and 3 year old boys who fight constantly and behave similarly to what you've described. It's extremely difficult basically every day, I totally get it !

Yes, OP did say that, but other posters have said they hate being parents.

She said she hated that stage of parenting, not that she hated being a parent and regrets her kids.

@localnotail I'm so grateful that we live in an era when parenthood is optional and if we do decide to become parents, we can reliably control how many children we have!

This is nice to read. I find social media is flooded with emotive content about the early years and how you only get a handful over summers with your kids. Lovely to hear of close relationships with adult children!

@GreyCarpet Aw, that's a lovely thing to say. I agree, I look at my two and think what great people they are, I'm very grateful to have them in my life.

Yes, me too. I obviously loved them both, about there were some great times, but overall I didn't enjoy parenting them when they were small. They were quite demanding, very close in age, and I did 90% of it alone as DH worked away (not by choice and not until after they were born) and was working in a stressful job. Most of the time I was exhausted and short tempered, and looking back, I regret a lot of things I did. They are both now adults, and I have a good relationship with them both, and much prefer it. I don't miss the small children stage at all, and am slightly terrified that I will feel the same once I have grandchildren.

I found early motherhood and parenting really hard. I was financially stressed and lonely and isolated.
Sadly, it didn't get better for me, no happy ending.
Reasons withheld.
Important to remember that parenting is forever, it never goes away.
I am pleased for those who have had a happy ending, can't be assumed or taken for granted.
Take care OP

Someone once said to me 'make the most of it,they grow so fast'

Well,quite frankly,I couldn't wait for him to grow-it was taking forever

He never slept unless he was touching me and only in 10 minutes stages

He screamed if I went out of sight for a second

He clung to me and refused to ever let go (I even had to keep the buggy parent facing until he started walking everywhere)

He refused to do as he was told-even getting his shoes on was a challenge

I couldn't leave him with anyone as he'd howl and howl

I couldn't go to a supermarket as he'd scream

I was also a single parent with no money,no support and raging/untreated pnd

It's a time of my life i never want to go back to-i adore him and we are very close now,but his first 3 years,when he started nursery where my worst nightmare (and he was my number 3 child,so i knew what i was doing)

The term they use now is 'velcro baby' and back then,he was just 'clingy'

All I know is i almost had a breakdown at the time and hated that time of my life

Have you done your best? That's good enough.

It's boring, repetative and thankless.

Parenthood may be optional but far too many have children that shouldn't. Judging by a lot of my friends I just don't think women think hard enough about what having children is like and so many times end up regretting having them

I loved the baby/toddler/young child phases. The problems started when they decided to start having opinions of their own🤣🤣

I hated toddler stage. Hard work, boring. My ex opted out and then came back like Mr fucking Tumble all smiles when he was 5 and easier. I only have one as I just couldn't put myself through all that again. Starting school was a turning point and it's so much easier

I have a 2yr old and I’m dreading this stage ending. She’s just so cute and loving. I think I like being so loved and needed. Don’t get me wrong, it’s tiring but I do love this stage.

Could you chat to your GP about this feeling of fight or flight that isn't going away? This heightened nervous response can lead to depression and the doc could advise... I took ssri s for a while and found them wonderful for grounding me... you would be amazed how better able you are to cope when your nervous system is better regulated

Might you be perimenopause age and hormones be playing a role?

i would chat to the doc ... they might help a lot...

Sending a virtual hug xxx