To say firmly and definitively I won’t miss it

[toomanytakeawaysthissummer]

I realised far too late parenting is not for me, although I still hope things will get better. I had a very unrealistic idea of just how much work small children are.

As a result the last few years have been some of the most miserable of my life and I’ve been wrung out, stressed, exhausted and depleted in every single way from every single part of my life.

Like I say, I am hoping it might get better.

But I’m told by others often with a game chuckle that I’ll miss it one day. That these are the best days (can’t see it myself) and I’ll long for these days in ten years.

Are they fucking mental or what?

I dont miss the early years at all and never will.

I love my children but enjoy them far more as older, more independent, more interesting people.

I love having teen/young adult children - I do not miss the baby or toddler years at all.

Same. I miss some of the ‘good bits’ from when they were young, but they are very heavily outweighed by lots of very hard work.

Parenting is definitely not for everyone and it can be very hard and lonely. It will get easier, especially if you can source some practical support, is a cleaner once a fortnight out of the question? How is your work-life balance? Does the father of your children do a proper share or are you carrying the parenting load all by yourself?

I don’t miss it either and I’ve actively enjoyed all the stages so far. I loved babies, toddlers, pre schoolers etc etc, it’s not been easy of course, there have been challenges along the way but I did genuinely love being a mum to all ages of dc.
And yet when I look back, I don’t miss any of it or wish to repeat it.
So you’re not alone op.
I hope you have some support somewhere 💐

I know people who feel as you do. I’m sorry you feel this way. And I hope things do get better. Do you think your child(ren) are aware you dislike being a parent?

I was the same as you and people used to say this to me all the time and it used to drive me nuts. I remember the early years as one endless, relentless cycle of shitness. That said she’s now nearly 10 and you know what I do miss the younger years and wish I could go back (only for a day or too though!). Looking back it’s easy to want what you don’t have, and don’t always appreciate at the time. Little kids are hard work, and when you’re in it the thick of it it’s hard to see a way out. It will get better though OP. It won’t always be like this.

I never wanted children and I can honestly say I've never regretted not having any.

I don’t know if they would articulate it quite like that. They’ve certainly seen me get very angry, cry, snappy and frustrated. I am not like this all of the time but they have seen this.

I don’t miss the early days. I absolutely loved having babies and toddlers but equally I have enjoyed all stages as much, now they are adults and I don’t have anything to miss as we are all still close.

I don’t miss the early years at all. Not one bit. My dc are adults now and I enjoy their company immensely but I am not fussed about having grandkids. I’m looking forward to having some more free time and doing what I want rather than what I have to do.

Honestly I completely agree!
I hated birth to 1 it was tedious and boring.
toddlers to 7 was fun but hard work.
loved the teenage years but I’m glad I’m to old for it now

I love my child but I never miss parenting, I’m very glad they’re getting into adulthood now.

It’s not for everyone, which is why I firmly stopped at one child. I’ll happily be an involved grandmother if it ever happens but other than that I just don’t particularly miss parenting (although it doesn’t stop in adulthood really) or children in general. Seeing younger relatives every other week is more than enough for me.

I don’t miss the early years. I wanted to have kids but didn’t expect to enjoy the early years and I didn’t enjoy them.

I’ve had 14 years of pretty much loving being a parent. My daughter is 17. 😆

Some women are absolutely made for the early years, good for them, I’m happy for them. I am not one of them. Although, I will say, I spent 24/7 for a week looking after a one month old baby when his mother couldn’t cope. He cried a lot, he had tummy issues. For that one week my only job was to keep that baby fed and comforted. I loved every minute of it. Seems I might be built for that, as long as it’s all I have to worry about. That said, now he is a very active toddler and I did a couple of hours with him and was exhausted (and bored).

The myth that you have to love the early years because you will miss them when they are gone is a fallacy, usually made up to guilt us into being compliant women who never complain. I have no advice other than to grit your teeth and get through them.

OP, you feel what you feel. Nobody can really tell you how you might feel in the years to come.

Personally, I do miss those years when dd was little, but I only had one dc and I loved being a mum at the time as well. Now dd is a young adult and I love that too, but I do feel a lot of nostalgia for those early years.

My closest friend regrets motherhood. She has never enjoyed it. Her eldest is around 25 now and her youngest is a teenager. Honestly, I don't think my friend is going to change her mind about how she feels. And that's fine, because she doesn't show it to the kids and she has been a terrific and devoted mother to them.

I have another friend who hated the early years but does now look back on them with much more fondness and a bit of wistfulness. We are all different.

It is the kind of trite comment that people make without giving it much thought, but it is such an individual thing. Even you can't possibly know yourself how you might feel about things in a few years time. I'm sorry that you're finding it so tough right now though. I think a lot of people struggle through those early years but it can be hard to admit that you're not enjoying it. I'm sure that your kids are loved and well cared for regardless.

I hope that things start to get a bit easier for you soon.

When mine was old enough to understand, I explained to my daughter why I found it so hard, made sure she knew it was never about her, and apologised profusely for the “shit mum” years. I will continue to apologise for them if she gets to be an adult and works out all the ways I fucked up. That’s all I can do.

It turns out I had some pretty crap mental health issues. I got medicated and it made a huge difference.

I don’t miss them at all, I will add I feel I barely remember them too. I was in a haze most of the time. My DD was a terrible sleeper for years, had issues at every ‘stage’ and generally I felt batty. She is now a teenager, absolutely lovely, and we are extremely close. I don’t think little kids are for me. Once she could do all the basics herself I enjoyed parenthood.

The early years in the trenches are hell. I was mostly bored or stressed and I absolutely needed to go back to work to have a sense of normality. I could never be a SAHM. Complete respect to those who can though.

But there are good times at every age, if you have help and breaks so you can feel human enough to enjoy them.
The teens/Uni years where I am now are fun. Not without challenges but so much easier.

I had PND with my first, the early years with both was really difficult and I wouldn't go back if you paid me. However I do miss the years between 6 and 9 they were some really good years!

Thanks. I think I just find it frustrating because it’s like my own feelings are invalidated, if you like, with trite ‘oh you’ll miss it.’ I think if people said ‘yes, it is really hard and it isn’t always enjoyable’ I’d feel a lot better about it all.

And I do feel horrendously guilty for how shit I’ve been and I frequently feel like I’ve made the most awful mess of them both.

This The older get go the better I likes them. Now they are all grown adults and I certainly don't miss them as kids

I loved the early years, the teenaged years and now mine are 17 and 21 I love that too. I have loved all of it, but that’s my personal perspective -I am quite a childlike person and also a teacher so I enjoy the company of children and teenagers.

I have two acquaintances who didn’t enjoy motherhood until their kids were teenagers. They get on fine now. I do think some people suffer the loss of personal freedom more than others.

YANBU. The sheer amount of work it takes to parent a child, even at the bare minimum but especially to do a "good" job, is something you really cannot comprehend until you have one.

It requires so much of us.

I think it's very patronising when people try to tell you how you will/ won't feel in the future. They don't know that. All they know is their own experience.