AIBU to think lifestyle expectations and spending habits have risen enormously?

[Hiredgun]

For context, I’m a late 30s millennial. Grew up in Scotland.

Back then, almost nobody had a brand new car. People went abroad once a year if they were lucky. Eating out was very rare, maybe a handfull of times per. Getting a new kitchen was rare as was buying most household items. Kids often got cast off clothes from their siblings. Coffee & wine were basic.

Fast forward to today and it’s unbelievable what I see now.

Almost everybody drives a brand new car

Some of my friends go on multiple holidays per year. One is just back from her 7th trip abroad.

People buy properties and spend six figures immediately renovating them.

People are very fussy with wine. One of my friends only drinks champagne if doing fizz. Another will only drink certain types of Italian red wine.

I have a friend who spent 3K on a coffee machine and he recently asked if the coffee I served him at mine was single source.

Another friend wants me to go on a golfing holiday for a stag do abroad. Basic cost is £3K as it involves a private chef on a boat.

And cheese…. one of my friends only buys cheese from a deli. It’s beautiful but they’re spending a hundred quid plus a month just on cheese.

Some of my friends eat out 2/3 times per week. That was an average in a year for lots of people when I was a kid.

AIBU to question this? I know some of it may be debt but perhaps people’s expectations have risen enormously? Anybody else seeing this type of behaviour.

YANBU. I agree, and it is completely unnecessary.

Yanbu!

Ive got friends who in the same sentence will complain about cost of living, and tell you theyve just booked a week AI in Corfu in August. So many people driving round in audi/merc/bmw/big volvos/range rover on finance. Those are premium brand cars!

As a 30s millennial that grew up similar to you and still lives in a pretty similar way… I think you’ve just moved somewhere more affluent, stealth boast?

Well, none of that seems standard to me.
I don’t have a car at all. I know no one who has ever bought a new one.
Multiple holidays? No. Unless you count short breaks in the UK. I might go abroad once a year.
Buying multiple properties and spending six figures on renovations? Just no. I live in London and that just not normal at alll.
etc etc.

My husband says the exact same thing. Although sounds like you have expensive friends 😂. We both own our cars & have uk holidays we are definitely the minority amongst our friends.

As long as they can afford it, I don't really see the issue.

Totally different if they are going into debt over cheese though.

Agreed but I also think far more people are in debt or have no savings than we realise to account for this. Think how easy it is now to get interest free credit paid over 3 months etc. I think it’s all down to social media!

I agree and cannot fathom that people then complain that they can’t afford that they’re ’entitled’ to. I grew up in the 80s, we were not poor but money had to be carefully managed. Overseas holidays were rare, new cars rare (and only ever second hand), eating out was a treat. The expectations people have for what they ‘should’ have is mind boggling. Far too many posts on here about being outraged that some things are unaffordable. It’s a basic reality of life that some things are not affordable to everybody all of the time, no matter how hard you work. The money people spend on things they feel they ‘should’ have is daft.

Comments about "brand new car" always make me laugh. Not only I don't know people who buy them routinely, I don't even see a lot of them around when I drive. Yes, I drive audi myself. Not on finance and it is certainly not new. Although, admittedly, it is newer than my previous car which was 17 years old when it finally kicked the bucket.
I like good wine. But I would rather drink a bottle of good wine once a month than supermarket own brand box wine every day.
I have friends who are relatively wealthy and they don't take more than two holidays a year apart from a guy who plays a sport and goes on tour a few times a year in addition to their family holidays.
You clearly move in circles which are far outside of the norm. But if those people have money, why the hell can't they enjoy these things? They don't have to be content with basics if they can afford a bit more than an average Joe.

I blame social media. Everyone thinks they should be living like a Celebrity now.

A friend of mine went on 6 holidays last year. She also admitted, after a few drinks, that shes drowning in debt. O think alot of people are in the same boat. They want the champagne lifestyle on proseco money.

Well average household non mortgage debt is 16-18K

Maybe you mix with wealthier people now that when you were growing up?

Wealthy people have always lived these lifestyles.

I grew up much poorer than my partner. His family had multiple holidays each year, had new cars, ate at restaurants multiple times a week etc. My family didn’t.

We both have good careers and now have/do these things ourselves as adults, except the cheese. 🤢 We do have high expectations due to our upbringings. My partner ‘expected’ to continue to have a good life and I did everything possible to be wealthy because growing up poor was miserable.

I think social media has a lot to answer for. Many aspects are designed to make you feel inadequate and therefore part with your money to ‘fix’ that.

It’s absolutely not this. I’m a millennial and when I go back to my home town to visit my parents, the whole area has completely changed - so many more coffee shops, restaurants, exercise studios, and other activities that cost money. When we were little, eating out was maybe a once a quarter activity? And we’re a middle class family with no money worries. Families who live in the town now seem to eat out on a weekly basis. One sibling lives in the same town and another lives in a similar neighbouring town. Their respective children do so much more than we used to as kids. Every weekend it’s soft play, cinema, museum, zoo, theatre, theme park, etc. That’s when they’re not jetting off on overseas holidays during school breaks. Careers/income level comparable to our parents’ so it’s not an affordability thing. If anything, they have much less disposable income due to COL. It’s just a completely different lifestyle/expectations vs the 1990s.

Seems you’ve got rich friends but didn’t grow up with money?

YANBU though I do drive an old second hand Audi (that Ive bashed a bit 😬). My second (second hand one) and I’m not sure I can go back to other cars now!

Somebody must have been buying brand new cars back then. If it wasn’t you who was it?

I see lots of threads like this but don’t really know anyone who lives like this in reality. We have a spread of friends across the UK and no one has a fancy car/huge home renovations/lots of holidays/. Again, spread of education levels, salaries, location.

We’re probably in the middle of an ‘affluence’ ranking out of our friend group (London Z4 house, high salaries etc.) but drive a c.20 year old 5th hand car, have one short European trip a year, mostly DIY and make do with the rest of the house. It’s similar for our neighbours. We’re early 30s, rural upbringing.

Do you and your friends have children OP? My partner and I used to spend a really significant proportion of our salaries on travelling abroad and eating out when we were in our thirties until we had kids. Now most of our money goes on nursery fees! I don’t think we’ll ever go back to spending quite so much non-essentials. I often think about when I was growing up- eating out was definitely reserved for special occasions like birthdays and families who had a summer holiday abroad were thought to be doing well.

YANBU. It is unsustainable, cannot continue in this economy and we’ll see millions living for today and putting insufficient amounts aside for retirement.

Many on retirement will come down to earth with one hell of a bump.

There are some old BBC documentaries on YouTube about life in the 50s and 60s. One mum was staying up late to make lace to sell for a few extra pennies but her children weren't having free school lunches because she wasn't poor.

YANBU, so many people waste money then plead poverty by the end of the month. Each to their own though, everyone needs some treats in life or what's the point.

Thinking back to my Grand-Parents born around WW1, I doubt they ever set foot in a cafe with the intention of buying coffee which seems very sad. Days out always included a flask of coffee and homemade sandwich, so glad life is less dull for me.

I agree op. The cars especially. But I drive a 25 year old tin bucket with 3 doors that rattles if I go over 60 mph 😂 but only has 60k miles on the clock, cheap as chips to run and my husband can fix most issues himself.

But yes, some of my colleagues eat out every day for lunch, buy new clothes every month, buy drinks out every Friday, go on multiple holidays a year, then complain that they are skint. I don't get it!

Obviously it’s not like this everywhere

It’s odd. People can’t afford housing or to have a SAHP but stuff/things are pretty cheap now.
I am always amazed at how standard it seems to be to spend £££ on high end skincare and make up and beauty treatments. My mum had a tub of Nivea and a make up bag with about five ancient things in it!