AIBU to think lifestyle expectations and spending habits have risen enormously?

[Hiredgun]

For context, I’m a late 30s millennial. Grew up in Scotland.

Back then, almost nobody had a brand new car. People went abroad once a year if they were lucky. Eating out was very rare, maybe a handfull of times per. Getting a new kitchen was rare as was buying most household items. Kids often got cast off clothes from their siblings. Coffee & wine were basic.

Fast forward to today and it’s unbelievable what I see now.

Almost everybody drives a brand new car

Some of my friends go on multiple holidays per year. One is just back from her 7th trip abroad.

People buy properties and spend six figures immediately renovating them.

People are very fussy with wine. One of my friends only drinks champagne if doing fizz. Another will only drink certain types of Italian red wine.

I have a friend who spent 3K on a coffee machine and he recently asked if the coffee I served him at mine was single source.

Another friend wants me to go on a golfing holiday for a stag do abroad. Basic cost is £3K as it involves a private chef on a boat.

And cheese…. one of my friends only buys cheese from a deli. It’s beautiful but they’re spending a hundred quid plus a month just on cheese.

Some of my friends eat out 2/3 times per week. That was an average in a year for lots of people when I was a kid.

AIBU to question this? I know some of it may be debt but perhaps people’s expectations have risen enormously? Anybody else seeing this type of behaviour.

Thing is, you even get people on benefits shouting out that having a car, having an annual holiday and two cars is a ‘normal’ expectation. What used to be classed as ‘wants’ and ‘luxuries’ are now classed as ‘necessities’.

I think 3k on a coffee machine could be quite worthwhile if you're spending £10 a day per couple on coffee from cafes. I now live in the same place I grew up in, it's not changed massively. People tend to lease cars though now rather than buy, so they are newer. There is a lot of pressure to do things for social media now which is new, but "fur coat and no knickers" has always been a thing.

A lot of silly hyperbole in your Op @Hiredgun

Just smacks of the OP spending a great deal of time feeling jealous of her “friends”

YABU this is just your friendship circle which is far from typical

I agree completely.

But I am not sure if part of it is because I am that much older, 63, and every generation will eventually be saying "it wasn't like that in my day"

My parents were born in the 1920s, so were very much aware of the war, rationing and basically doing without or make-do and mend. Most of my parents wedding cake was cardboard and I think my aunt said her wedding dress was made from a parachute - but I might have been imagining the last one. That was the attitude that I grew up with and although I had more disposable income in my 20s than they did, it was still ingrained in me to budget and save for a rainy day.

As others have said, social media has a lot to answer for. If you get suckered in to it's clutches then you are on a hiding to nothing because you will never keep up with the virtual Joneses.

I thank my lucky stars that social media and on-line shopping was not a thing when I was growing up and if I wanted cash I had to go to the bank and queue up to cash a cheque.

Lifestyles now are certainly different and the convenience of on-line shopping is great, but it also feeds the culture of buying and spending what someone "wants" as opposed to what they "need". Eventually it will bite them on the bum.

YANBU at all.

I mentioned on another thread a while ago that I drive a 15+ year old Skoda and apparently it must be a rustbucket and getting dangerous by now. It's fucking fine and passes it's MOT every year. Best car I've ever owned. And among my friends it's one of the newest cars any of us have!!

My house is shabby and doesn't have matching kitchen units. We don't have matching furniture. I haven't actually finished decorating since we moved in 10 years ago. We haven't been abroad, like ever. We don't even have passports. That's just...normal?

(That said, one friend who has 3 foreign holidays a year thinks I'm the bougie one because I always have extra virgin olive oil in the cupboard so....)

It does seem some people's expectations are higher now op.
I know someone who spent 50k on a wedding (had to borrow from family for it), had an expensive foreign 1yr anniversary holiday plus short breaks in between and eats out regularly.
Constantly complains they need to be paid more money even though they're at the top end of salary for their job. And aren't changing their lifestyle despite struggling to pay back the wedding loan.
Makes no sense to me 🤷‍♀️

I am firmly in the Gen X camp age wise. I have been on the bones of my arse poor and relatively well off. The good thing about experiencing the bones of my arseness, is that I know I can cope if everything goes to shit.
I have a very low bar when it comes to happiness, waking up, having limbs that work, spending time with people I like, having a job that I enjoy and pays enough for the occasional treat vinted purchase , not worried too much about bills, that's where I am at

I think this era is coming to a close. People are much more aware of the planet, wasting resources and that we need to take care of what we have. Living to excess has gone out of fashion.

I certainly agree that a lot of people have a more luxurious lifestyle and higher expectations than when I was a child.
However… my children are at independent school and therefore we are surrounded by pretty wealthy people, and very very few of them have the lifestyle you describe in your OP! Most of them aren’t going on 7 holidays a year because they don’t have sufficient annual leave, for example. Handing down clothing between siblings is still very common in my circle. Six figure house renovations are extremely rare!
So I guess a lot of it must be down to the circles you mix in and how they prioritise expenditure.

Almost everybody drives a brand new car

Car leasing and contract hire evolved not as a single overnight rescue plan, but as a strategic financial tool and expanded aggressively to solve persistent overproduction, sluggish sales, and the massive capital barriers of vehicle ownership

I lived in Scotland (for some time) as a child, council houses near Govan Baths which is relevant to this post as it was classed as deprived. An older Millennial than you, probably Xennial/Cusper or whatever they call us-but there were quite a lot of families who managed on one wage, yes, I admit that there were a lot of families where no one worked, but the point is, that in the 80s, mum often didn't work FT and frequently, stayed home. And I don't remember food banks.
Now, few families could afford to have one parent stay at home, and there's many more people use foodbanks.
Eating out I'll grant you was rarer in the 80s/90s when I was a kid, but as costs have risen for businesses over the last few years, it seems to be becoming less common that in the 00s/tens.

I see it too. We don't have flashy cars (mine is quite old and paid off years ago). Smallish house but it is fine. Old kitchen and lots of other work needing done but will be bit by bit.
I genuinely cannot understand how people can afford it! (And I know people will say it's because they earn more. But they don't. I know where they work and salaries are in the public domain!)

I think it can be a variety of reasons - they might have eye watering levels of debt, private means (investments, inheritance, lottery win) or they may be making money on the side in ways you can't imagine. A woman I knew of was making money on Only Fans, everyone was flabbergasted as she didn't seem like the type.

What you don’t know is family money; inheritances; gifts etc

Agree. Lifestyle spending now on things that just didn't exist a few decades ago, is so high and people don't have the disposable income or savings they want, because their baseline spend is so high. Beauty - hair, nails, tan, brows, lashes as one example. Just eat/deliveroo as another. In your early 20s in the 1990s/2000s you didn't need money for anything other than going out sometimes

I think there are ups and downs, compared to a few generations ago.

E.g. my dad went to the cinema every week with my grandad (a miner, living in a council house). Where now, this is a relatively expensive treat. Similar, with theatres and access to sports facilities.

There used to be public tennis courts, leisure pools, even council owned golf courses. Now, lots of facilities have shut down, and the private alternatives are much more expensive.

A higher proportion of people own their own home now, so people are spending money maintaining then, rather than waiting for the council to put in a new kitchen.

People definitely eat out more with children now. But I am pretty sure my gran frequently visited a nice little tea room on a regular basis.

Its a very simple answer. It is easier to get credit.

Around my area the number of new cars and Porsche particularly is mind boggling. Lots of people have a lot of money. Once you have a big house, holidays, money in investments, but you’re still earning, lifestyle creep is inevitable.

Hopefully your friends have savings.

A young couple have moved in next door to my parents. Mum & Dad are Boomers who live in an affluent area. Bought their house in the early 80s. Selling for over a million now…

Anyway, they’ve ripped the whole thing out. Top to bottom reno, beautiful finish, no expense spared. Solar panels, modern everything. They have a new baby & drive a Range Rover. Just had a full garden landscaping done.

I said to DH “We’re in the wrong jobs!” Lots of young families like this are doing the same thing, in their area. There seems to be pots of cash (bank of mum & dad?)

Quite often, yes. We are older now but had 7 figures from parents.

But back in the day, your coffee was Nescafe.

People are changing cars every 2-3 years.
High streets are full of nail bars and beauty salons which didn't exist 20-30 years ago. Also endless cafes and coffee shops which also didn't exist. There's a lot more money being spent on luxuries than ever before.

I agree that conspicuous wealth is more evident than it was even a couple of decades ago.
New cars, spending on holidays or “experiences” like eating out or days out seem the norm whereas these were not the norm when I was growing up.
It seemed to escalate quickly too. One year everyone was driving to a rental in the UK and next year they were renting abroad for the summer.
I can’t say if this is financed from salary, investments or on credit but the urge to save seems less important. This will continue now that saving is more penalised in terms of tax.

Makes sense. Most of my friends got on the property ladder with help from their parents. A lot of them are now inheriting large sums & prime properties. TBF, my parents house will be left to me & my sister.