AIBU to not want my parents to drive immediately after a 24-hour flight?

[DancingBeanz]

Name changed and going to be locationally vague, because I don't want to start a drama if this is outing.

We emigrated to another side of the world a couple of years ago, and my parents are coming to visit for the first time (although only seeing us for the first couple of days before essentially going on holiday to the rest of the country). They are in their 60s and have never flown this far before (it'll be over 24 hours of flying on the route they've picked), and I literally cannot get them to understand how tired they are going to be when they arrive. They seem to think that in the couple of days they'll see us, they'll be full of energy for full days out.

Obviously, we have done this journey, and we were exhausted for several days after arriving (let's not also get into the fact that we caught something on the plane, and my parents have gone vaccine-sceptic, that's a whole other thing). Even before the illness hit us, literally all we wanted to do on our first day was sleep.

The most worrying thing is that they've booked a car hire from the airport and are planning to drive to their accommodation near us the moment they get off the plane (we don't live super close to the airport, but are in the same city). They won't let us come and pick them up, and just won't believe us when we say they will be exhausted and not safe to drive.

Am I being unreasonable to labour this point with them? I'm terrified they'll fly here and immediately have a road accident because they're too bloody-minded to believe they will be tired!

Sometimes it's a lot cheaper to hire the car at the airport on a deal than to
a) hire it at another location
b) book it separately from flights
c) travel back to the airport at a different time to get a hire car another day

Personally if I was wanting to visit family/friends, I'd want my own transport if staying more than a couple of days so we didnt get on each others nerves and so we could make the most of the holiday without being a pain in the arse.

Staying longer than a few days is different to just a short visit.

And whilst you might be visiting family, this doesn't mean you want to spend 100% of the time with your family either. This isn't controlling not is it disrespectful. It's about recognising the need for time and space rather than an ultra intense experience for both parties. Everyone usually ends up having a much better time with a degree of moderation.

If the drive was over an hour, I would say it's probably too far. But 45min with the buzz of being in a strange country? That's be ok for me.

I would be MUCH MUCH more concerned about the return journey in familiar surroundings when you are already mentally winding down rather than having that kick of "wwwoooo new place". You are more likely to have an accident in that scenario than on arrival.

FFS.

Hyperbole much.

I think driving from the airport is fine. I think they do need to be mindful to take it easy in the days that follow. You come to them to minimise driving. Do easy local days out or lunch at their rental.

I think you are overthinking it! We went to Japan on a 22 h flight, both early 60s and we were absolutely fine, no jet lag, arrived at lunch time and had a quick nap then had a drinks party in our hotel room and went out for dinner, went to bed and woke up at 8am... not everyone suffers from jet lag! Also by the time you reach 60 you are used to dealing with lack of sleep.

I would let them do what they want to do, they know their own capabilities

Oh well that’s ok then, they’ll be fine because you were!

What a bloody stupid comment.

we travel long haul regularly and would NEVER drive after getting off the plane. In our case it was made worse by having to drive on the ‘wrong’ side of the road.

not sure what you can do, apart from offer to drive the hire home for them? So get a lift to the airport and drive home, then at least they will have the car at your place for when they’re ready.

You’ve lived there for a couple of years, so you can’t be jealous that they’re making the most of their visit and visiting different places.

I would be hurt that they hadn’t offered to visit these places together though.
Even if you had seen them all, it would still be a good excuse to spend time together and you obviously know more about the country than they do.

I wouldn’t think anything of a 45 minute drive, although I admit I’ve never been on a long flight.

It seems easier to just get the car at the airport and drop it back there, rather than get you to pick them up and then you drop them to a car hire place. Then on the way back both having to drive to the car hire place, dropping the car off and then you driving them to the airport.

When was the last time you saw them @DancingBeanz ?

Do you do many fly drives? It's normal to hire a car from the airport and therefore it's normal to decline a pick up - what isn't normal is the amount of fussing the OP is doing over someone else's choices.

Well, your argument seems to be that they will not be fine because you are not. 🤔 Bloody stupid is as bloody stupid does.

Perhaps people feel fresher generally when they are not flying long haul all the time.

My argument is that people can make their own judgement call. Most people have a long flight to get to Aus or NZ. Should they not have car hire at the airport then, just in case everyone is as incapable as you?

The mixed replies on this thread show that some people may be ok driving after a 24hr flight (plus faffing at airport either end) and some aren’t.
The OPs parents can’t accurately assess this because they’ve not done it before.
People who are blithely saying it’s fine may or may not feel the same way when they’re 60.
(DH and I are 65, used to do business travel and think nothing of long flights followed by car hire - we wouldn’t do it now).

I’m with the OP - she’s right to urge caution. But at the end of the (very long) day it’s their decision. I hope they get away with it.

I get your anxiety, and you're only being sensible. I've only recently put my foot down about not driving when too tired. Before that I would.

However, I'm sure they'll be fine! The adrenaline and excitement would keep them awake anyway.

They are renting a car for their trip, not for the drive from the airport.
If you read properly things will make more sense.
Even if they wanted to waste their own money it’s no one else’s business.

It sounds like a classic case of narcissistic family control where the parents do something deliberately risky to make their children worry and they refuse to compromise in the face of common sense

Wtf. I think you need to get off the internet and meet normal people. Try not labelling them for once or project your own problems onto other people.

The mixed replies on this thread show that some people may be ok driving after a 24hr flight (plus faffing at airport either end) and some aren’t.

No, nobody's a superhuman. Lack of sleep affects reaction times in everybody.

It can't be made illegal because unless someone has obviously and undeniably fallen asleep at the wheel it's unprovable.

But the level of impairment from getting less than 5-6 hours of sleep is the same as being over the legal blood alcohol limit.

Most people would get away with it, just as most people would get away with driving after consuming an amount of alcohol that isn't enough to 'feel' drunk but is enough to slow your reactions and impair your observations.

But unequivocally nobody should be doing either of these. Unfortunately there are very many people who don't take the responsibility of driving nearly seriously enough and think that if they feel they aren’t impaired then that's what matters.

What class are they flying?

Business with a lie flat? I sleep like a baby

That's the only situation where I think it would be OK, when you genuinely have had a decent amount of good sleep on the plane. Jet lag is still a factor but if you hand on heart have had something approaching proper sleep then fair play.

It's still a bit of "it depends" as I see it.

AFAIK currently no airline is doing 24 hour flights and TBF the OP said something like there's 24 hours of flying involved on the route chosen, so how long are the parents going to actually be travelling? How much extra hassle (e.g. connections) other than just sitting in a seat is going to be involved.

Also as a few posters have said some individuals sleep well/very well on flights especialy if a flatbed seat, or something close to, is involved, and those passengers can actually end up pretty well rested at the end of a very long sector.

Finally I'm personally wincing a bit at some of the agesim on display...if you are concerned about over 60s driving from the airport after a night flight then you're not going to like the idea at all that crew (including pilots, the ones doing the landings) can be working to at least age 65 in most countries..

This ....People are hardly elderly is their 60's and most of us will still be working full-time until very late 60's so a 45 minute drive is hardly a safety risk

I should point out, I only mentioned their age because people would ask, I hardly think they’re old!

I am leaving them to it, what else can I do? But thanks for the range of opinions, very interesting really!

When was the last time you saw them in person ??

Go meet their flight. If they are exhausted, offer to drive them to their accommodation

Why would they get 5 hours sleep though?

I think they'd be ok to drive from the airport. I'd still be in 'travelling mode' so adrenalin pumping with the excitement of arriving and seeing relatives. For me the jetlag kicks in a few hours after I've settled at my destination, met my family, had a bite to eat etc - then WHAM I'm wiped out. Takes me several days to adjust and anything I do in the first couple of days doesn't really register in my brain.

I think the number of people saying "I regularly fly for 48 hours without sleep and hop in a foreign car on the wrong side of the road and haven't died yet, man up!" is frankly fucking terrifying.

Only for a few days though!! Rest of the long haul holiday seems to be without the OP.