AIBU to not want my parents to drive immediately after a 24-hour flight?

[DancingBeanz]

Name changed and going to be locationally vague, because I don't want to start a drama if this is outing.

We emigrated to another side of the world a couple of years ago, and my parents are coming to visit for the first time (although only seeing us for the first couple of days before essentially going on holiday to the rest of the country). They are in their 60s and have never flown this far before (it'll be over 24 hours of flying on the route they've picked), and I literally cannot get them to understand how tired they are going to be when they arrive. They seem to think that in the couple of days they'll see us, they'll be full of energy for full days out.

Obviously, we have done this journey, and we were exhausted for several days after arriving (let's not also get into the fact that we caught something on the plane, and my parents have gone vaccine-sceptic, that's a whole other thing). Even before the illness hit us, literally all we wanted to do on our first day was sleep.

The most worrying thing is that they've booked a car hire from the airport and are planning to drive to their accommodation near us the moment they get off the plane (we don't live super close to the airport, but are in the same city). They won't let us come and pick them up, and just won't believe us when we say they will be exhausted and not safe to drive.

Am I being unreasonable to labour this point with them? I'm terrified they'll fly here and immediately have a road accident because they're too bloody-minded to believe they will be tired!

Jet lag is a breeze compared with how I've felt from regular insomnia.

....and if you told airline crew (shift workers, jet lagged etc, often aged 60
plus) they couldn't drive 45 minutes home after 24 hours without sleep (it happens) companies would have a problem employing/retaining employees.

Ideally I guess some here would like to embargo anyone from driving after a Longhaul flight but realistically 45 minutes or so should be OK for most passengers, especially if they've rested in flight.

With that in mind If the parents are stepping off a genuine 24 hour flight, or something close to it they actually have the potential to be better rested than someone stepping off a 6-8 hour red eye.

My father in law almost killed himself and us in a car accident ahh we driving after a long haul flight.

They had been away to South America and returned for a family funeral. They live in a different part of the uk to us which is also where the funeral was so we travelled there by train. After a long day, he drove us back to the station to get a train home. Drive was about 50 mins, early evening but dark.

Basically we were all tired and he was clearly jet lagged and he momentarily fell asleep at the wheel. My husband was in the front and had also nodded off. I was in the back and awake and suddenly became aware the car was drifting onto the wrong side of the dual carriageway. I screamed and he woke up but by this point we were facing oncoming traffic who has to swerve us. We ended up smashing into a road sign in the hard shoulder.

Everyone was fine apart from the car, but it was terrifying. My life passed before my eyes in those seconds. He felt terrible and was very shaken. He said he felt fine to drive but the long flight and little sleep plus a long and emotional day were clearly too much and she shouldn’t have been driving. lesson learned.

so yeah, I’d advise them it’s not a great idea and that they will not be as alert as usual and it’s a risk not worthy taking.

They’re adults and not even that old! Let them do as they see fit.

I understood "they're adults, they can sleep on the plane." to mean they can sleep on the plane because they are adults.

Did you just stop reading the initial sentence of not one, but two posts though?

No

I watch a series on the TV about policing the Scottish Highlands and apparently there are a lot of accidents on the A9, caused by people who have flown long haul into Glasgow or Edinburgh, hired a car and then fallen asleep at the wheel. On the program they were dealing with the fatal aftermath of one such accident. These people insist they are safe to drive too.

Are they flying business so can get some rest on a lie flat bed or is it economy all the way? If the former, I suspect they’ll be okay. If the latter, no way.

If my kids did this I'd be furious.

If they are able to sleep on the plane then I’m sure they will be fine.

Go and meet them at the gate, say you wanted to surprise them and then you can drive the hire car back to yours for them (or at least be there to help if they need it)

Sounds like you need to be there to meet them. And drive the hire car if necessary.

Its a 45 minute drive, i think youre over reacting

I wouldn't do it. The 24 hour flight often involves a disturbed or short sleep before you even get on the plane. I generally feel quite spacey when I arrive. Add in an unfamiliar car, possibly auto rather than manual, and unfamiliar road rules. The motorways in the city I live in are very confusing. It'll probably be fine. But it's not a risk I'd take.

Is all this upheaval bringing back everything you thought you dealt with in therapy? Being jealous they are seeing things before you? Maybe you need to breathe a bit - they are not staying with you - which is probably good given how anxious you are being.
My family all live overseas and over the years I have found with family visiting me and me visiting them that often less is more - it's better to have 2-3 really good days and when they leave you are sad than to have them for a week or more and then you are contemplating murder by the time they walk out the door.
Try to relax a bit and enjoy the short time you have with them - and allow them to plan their own holiday in peace.

I don't really think this is an issue. People do it all the time. And the extreme jet lag you talk about is unusual in my opinion.

That surprise excuse is not credible, is it? They've already had tense exchanges about not driving from the airport and you think arriving at the airport and trying to force the issue is going to go down well? Is that how you treat your loved ones - overrule them and take over?

Did you fly with children or just as 2 adults ? Imo flying even long haul as just 2 adults can be fairly relaxing.

Honestly I think you're catastrophysing a bit.

OP you are absolutely correct about this drive being a bad idea but they are not ancient, have capacity to decide and are going ahead. Nagging them won't help.
Your mum's lack of interest must be hard for you.

I'm 63, my husband 67. I wouldn't drive straight away. They might sleep on the plane but it's a long way. I went business from Scotland to Zambia so not even a big time difference and I was exhausted when I arrived I could not have driven in a strange country even if on the same side of the road. But sounds like your parents will do what they want. Just hope they don't hurt anyone else in the process.

You only speak to them three times a year? Why?

I have never heard of parents refusing to let their adult children pick them up from the airport! This is utterly bonkers. Assuming of course they live within a reasonable distance away and are eager to see them.

Have your parents always been so bizarre and controlling???

If they can sleep on the plane, which most people will, there shouldn't really be an issue. An hour's drive isn't much. My dd recently did a 3 hour drive after a similar length flight & was fine

Sounds like OP is NC or LC with them. Maybe because they sound like crazy narcissists who would fly 24hrs to see their family but refuse to let them pick them up?