AIBU to not want my parents to drive immediately after a 24-hour flight?

[DancingBeanz]

Name changed and going to be locationally vague, because I don't want to start a drama if this is outing.

We emigrated to another side of the world a couple of years ago, and my parents are coming to visit for the first time (although only seeing us for the first couple of days before essentially going on holiday to the rest of the country). They are in their 60s and have never flown this far before (it'll be over 24 hours of flying on the route they've picked), and I literally cannot get them to understand how tired they are going to be when they arrive. They seem to think that in the couple of days they'll see us, they'll be full of energy for full days out.

Obviously, we have done this journey, and we were exhausted for several days after arriving (let's not also get into the fact that we caught something on the plane, and my parents have gone vaccine-sceptic, that's a whole other thing). Even before the illness hit us, literally all we wanted to do on our first day was sleep.

The most worrying thing is that they've booked a car hire from the airport and are planning to drive to their accommodation near us the moment they get off the plane (we don't live super close to the airport, but are in the same city). They won't let us come and pick them up, and just won't believe us when we say they will be exhausted and not safe to drive.

Am I being unreasonable to labour this point with them? I'm terrified they'll fly here and immediately have a road accident because they're too bloody-minded to believe they will be tired!

When was the last time you actually saw them in person @DancingBeanz ?

It sounds like you’re anxious about seeing them due to your strained relationship and are putting all that anxiety on the one thing you hoped you could control.

Honestly, they’re adults. They’re only in their sixties and can make decisions for themselves.

Just tell them you’re picking them up
Say you’ll be there to meet their flight whatever they say so they may as well cancel car hire

Some of those millions of other travellers have been involved in horrific accidents when driving immediately after arriving here after long-haul flights. It's not worth the risk.

Regardless, I am really pleased they are coming to visit me! But I do personally feel they're coming to visit the country I live in slightly more than they are coming specifically to visit us

Ooh, this is a really horrible comment. My daughter lives in Australia. She went out there in 2024. We have visited once already and are now planning our second visit for next year. Both times we will stay in an AirBnb for around 5 days and see her and her DH, and then we set off to see other sights in Aus.

For us, you have to go for around 3 weeks to make the long journey worth it, so we either :

A) Stay with them for 3 weeks

or

B) Stay for around 5 days and then bugger off elsewhere

I honestly feel that option A would be suffocating for them, and that option B is a happy medium.

But rest assured, we are only going ALL that way because we want to see them!! If they weren't there, we would go on a beach holiday!!

I want them to see the rest of the country! In fact, I'm a little jealous, they're going to get to places before us! It's the fact we're only seeing them for about 2.5 days out of the time they are here, which feels a little on the slim side.

You’re being ridiculous. They are perfectly able to decide this themselves. They’re not even old! Losing a night’s sleep is not the end of the world.

Has no one had months of sleepless nights with a baby and still had to drive? Sleep on a plane was no worse than that!

But you can’t decide what risks other adults are allowed to take.

Do not do this. It’s patronising and insulting. The parents are grown adults who are entitled to make their own decisions.

Are you incapable of understanding that if someone causes an accident because they are tired they might well kill someone else?

As for all this nonsense about it only being a short drive, my friend's husband fell asleep at the wheel after a drive of less than an hour, it happens why take the risk?

Of course. But millions of people drive when they’re tired every single day - it’s not illegal and OP can’t dictate what her parents choose to do.

God, exactly - I think people are a bit delusional if they think every driver has had a perfectly restful nights’ sleep before getting behind the wheel 😂

I'm an adult but I can't sleep on planes.

That would be my question too. It makes a lot of difference if you can lie flat on the way over.

People comparing the level of fatigue to that of a parent or a shift worker clearly have never experienced jet lag! It's an entirely different sort of tiredness compounded by the body being utterly confused by the time difference.

They should be okay as it's just 45 minutes. I've always found that, after a long haul flight, the first hour's driving is fine but I then need to stop for a 'power nap' before continuing.

Funny how if I Google "driving after a 24 hour flight" I get a very different response to most of the replies on this thread.

In the UK you can be prosecuted if being tired affects your driving. The highway code tells you not to drive while tired.

That would be because people on here are humans, not robots, and we understand we can’t control what other adults choose to do.

We certainly would not have wanted to drive after our long plane journey (with a change) to New Zealand. We had a flat bed on the way there but even so. It was unfamiliar surroundings.

Yes, I’m well aware of that - but that doesn’t change the fact that her parents are adults and can make their own choices about whether they want to drive or not.

Yes but they have to think about other people on the road who may not have wanted them to make that decision.

Give them taxi numbers and tell them if they are tired when they land to put the car booking off and you’ll pay the taxi fare. It’s less concerning that driving is the same side of the road, but it’s up to them and there is an “out” if they are too tired to pick up car keys and drive when they arrive

Not sure how that is relevant.
I’m sure you’re also perfectly capable of deciding if you can drive or not, no?

Hell no, I don’t drive my own car 20min home from the airport after a late arrival or long haul flight and that’s a familiar journey I did daily for nearly 10 years! Driving tired and with jet lag is akin to drink driving.