AIBU to not want my parents to drive immediately after a 24-hour flight?

[DancingBeanz]

Name changed and going to be locationally vague, because I don't want to start a drama if this is outing.

We emigrated to another side of the world a couple of years ago, and my parents are coming to visit for the first time (although only seeing us for the first couple of days before essentially going on holiday to the rest of the country). They are in their 60s and have never flown this far before (it'll be over 24 hours of flying on the route they've picked), and I literally cannot get them to understand how tired they are going to be when they arrive. They seem to think that in the couple of days they'll see us, they'll be full of energy for full days out.

Obviously, we have done this journey, and we were exhausted for several days after arriving (let's not also get into the fact that we caught something on the plane, and my parents have gone vaccine-sceptic, that's a whole other thing). Even before the illness hit us, literally all we wanted to do on our first day was sleep.

The most worrying thing is that they've booked a car hire from the airport and are planning to drive to their accommodation near us the moment they get off the plane (we don't live super close to the airport, but are in the same city). They won't let us come and pick them up, and just won't believe us when we say they will be exhausted and not safe to drive.

Am I being unreasonable to labour this point with them? I'm terrified they'll fly here and immediately have a road accident because they're too bloody-minded to believe they will be tired!

They’re being pretty irresponsible. How long is the drive from airport to your home? Why do they object to you picking them up?

What distance are we talking here? Within the same city so probably 30 mins ish? After a couple of hours of immigration, baggage claim, hire care collection.

They will certainly be tired but dangerous? They will sleep on the plane. Won’t be high quality sleep but they will sleep.

You’ve offered, they’ve turned you down. I’d leave it at that.

It's about 45 minutes if they don't hit any traffic. We very much live on the outskirts!

They want to get the car from the car hire place whilst they're at the airport, I guess! Never mind the fact that I could easily take them back down to get it after they've slept. I've told them that it wouldn't be inconveniencing me, as I'll be on leave.

They will have slept on the plane, but it's pretty poor quality sleep in my experience.

Meh. I drove home (via M25) after a long haul flight recently and felt absolutely fine. Slept for eight hours on the plane in economy.

Absolutely! I’ve done long haul a few times and would not consider getting behind the wheel (even after reasonable sleep in premium/business!)

My parents are cost conscious - if the car rental in town or closer to you is cheaper (likely is!) they’d want to save a few quid.

Is there a chance they could take a wrong turn and drive into a dangerous neighbourhood / off a cliff / on to railway tracks, or similar?

If not, I’d try one more time to get them to see sense (tackle the less bolshy one), then leave them to it.

We do ultra long haul flights very regularly (usually means we don’t sleep for at least 48 hours). We drive home from the airport (about 45mins) or to our destination (on unknown roads in a hire car) everytime. Never crossed my mind not to if it’s under an hour. By the time you land and get out you get a nice boost of adrenaline to keep you going. We also stay awake until normal bedtime which resets us in one sleep.
My parents who are in their 80’s do the same thing everytime they visit us as well. Never been an issue.
Why don’t you meet them at the airport (via cab or public transport) and drive the hire car back for them? Just put your foot down.

I've done long haul flights many times to Australia /New Zealand & I have to say the adrenaline boost you get when you land and disembark gets me through the first few hours then bam tiredness like you've never known kicks in & you have to lie down to rest and recuperate.

So I think they'll be fine to get to yours but ready to drop soon after.

They’re adults. You need to let it go. What would they do if you were at work or in hospital and couldn’t pick them up?

I’ve done long haul and then driven more than occasionally and I’ve been fine.

I went to visit DS in Australia last year....picked up the hire car from the airport and drove an hour to his house following a sat nav. The next day we went for a 3 hour costal walk.
Not everyone is the same. Some people will manage it well, others will not. They are adults and have been warned, now leave it up to them.

45 mins is no time at all. I don't think this is an issue, I used to live on the other side of the world in an isolated place that took several flights and at least 36 hours of travel to get back from each time and it's fine. You sleep a bit on the plane, land, and the bustle of getting sorted sees you. I doubt they'll go straight to bed once they are with you.

It's not a long drive really and they probably plan together plenty of rest on the plane. I think they are adults and you need to let them decide.

They are adults, I’m sure they’ll be fine. Allow they to find stuff out for themselves, as well meaning as you think you are being, you sound a bit suffocating. They are doing things as you would do - that’s ok, they might be fine and they might find jet lag a real problem - try to give them some space to discover for themselves, don’t suck the joy out of their big trip.

I emigrated to the UK from the other side of the world and I have done regular visits back there. My parents lived 3 hours from the airport, so I'd have to get off the plane, collect a hire car and drive to them (including the time it was just me and my 3 month old baby). It was fine - yes I was a bit tired, but getting out of the airport always revived me a bit and it was fine.

For a 45 minute drive I wouldn't think twice - they'll be fine.

I think this may be the one and only time I've ever come across as suffocating, I only speak to them about 3 times a year, usually! 😂I'm just anxious is all.

They are grown-ups. It's not a long journey. They'll have had some sleep on the plane. Let them get on with it.

Book a taxi and say it is your treat. 🤷‍♀️

What class are they flying?

You speak to them 3x a year and they e just flown 24 hours to visit you??! How long are they staying for? With you?

Ok this sounds like a thread I’d be interested in.

You speak to your folks just 3x a year… and yet they’ve flown 24 hours to visit you!

I've done this several times no problem, you can often sleep on the flight and by the time you fight your way out of the airport you are fully awake. Perhaps suggest a cup of coffee before they pick up the car if you are worried, and/or meet them there so they can follow you home if it's a tricky route. I guess they need the car for the rest of their trip.

You can be anxious all you like you can't order them around how do you think the millons of other travellers around the world cope when they fly long haul and hire cars or drive home from the airport or whatever after a plane

the logic to ban them makes no sense

The ''I am anxious so people have to do what I say'' is what is wrong with the world and getting worse

I have flown long haul on many occasions, having previously lived a long way from home. Personally, I think it would be irresponsible to drive straight after, especially if they're flying in economy. Yes, you get an adrenaline boost that gets you through the airport etc, but that doesn't take away from the fact that you will very likely be sleep deprived and your reactions will be much slower as a result.

It's a bit like drink driving - lots of people think that they're fine behind the wheel when they have been drinking, but they aren't necessarily in a good position to judge. All of the research shows that lack of sleep is dangerous - and that puts other people at risk as well as those driving.

If they're flying business or first class, then they may be more rested, but even then, I wouldn't bet on it.

It does sound like you are very anxious about their visit - you need to back off a bit - they don’t want you treating them like your children. You’ll have to learn to deal with your anxiety - it’s not up to anyone else to change what they do do you aren’t anxious. Maybe you should see your GP?

You're fussing. They are grown adults who will have slept on the plane and are perfectly capable of making their own decisions. They also have a life time of experience.

I'm 63, and would hire a car and drive to the accommodation without another thought.