AIBU to not want my parents to drive immediately after a 24-hour flight?

[DancingBeanz]

Name changed and going to be locationally vague, because I don't want to start a drama if this is outing.

We emigrated to another side of the world a couple of years ago, and my parents are coming to visit for the first time (although only seeing us for the first couple of days before essentially going on holiday to the rest of the country). They are in their 60s and have never flown this far before (it'll be over 24 hours of flying on the route they've picked), and I literally cannot get them to understand how tired they are going to be when they arrive. They seem to think that in the couple of days they'll see us, they'll be full of energy for full days out.

Obviously, we have done this journey, and we were exhausted for several days after arriving (let's not also get into the fact that we caught something on the plane, and my parents have gone vaccine-sceptic, that's a whole other thing). Even before the illness hit us, literally all we wanted to do on our first day was sleep.

The most worrying thing is that they've booked a car hire from the airport and are planning to drive to their accommodation near us the moment they get off the plane (we don't live super close to the airport, but are in the same city). They won't let us come and pick them up, and just won't believe us when we say they will be exhausted and not safe to drive.

Am I being unreasonable to labour this point with them? I'm terrified they'll fly here and immediately have a road accident because they're too bloody-minded to believe they will be tired!

Only speak to your parents three times a year?!

bloidy hell. Weirdddd

This trip is going to go so well

let’s not also get into the fact that we caught something on the plane and my parents have gone vaccine-sceptic

Do you live somewhere that has recommended vaccines for visitors?
If not, I’m not sure this is particularly relevant. It’s August, they won’t have even been offered their flu jab yet (if they’re old enough) so the fact that they might turn it down won’t make a difference now. What are you worried they’ll catch because they’re vaccine sceptic?

Penty of people hop off flights at places like Heathrow having been travelling for 24 hours and then head off to pick up a car from car hire or go to one of the long term car parks to pick up their own vehicle.

I'm not saying it's wise or sensible but if it's a short drive and they've slept on the flight it's kind of hard to criticise too much.

And they are spending only a couple of (jet lagged) days with OP before leaving? Sounds a bit sad

Sorry if it’s been asked already but will they be driving on the other side of the road from what they are used to. If so this is selfish and madness on their part .

My car was hit head on and my boyfriend instantly killed by a business man who left the airport and drove after a long haul flight . The accident happened on a rural route . The car behind him saw him turn on to the wrong side of the road at a junction and tried to flash and beep him because he could see our headlights in the distance but nothing worked and we collided on a bend .

The driver would not be convinced by anyone at the scene he was on the wrong side of the road is something I remember the witnesses telling me in court . He was in his 60s .

But surely they want to get the car at the airport so they have the car for the rest of the trip. Airport car hire, and drop off again before you fly home, makes sense. Keeps you independent and on the move. Why would they add faff to their journey with taxis and pick ups and then more taxis and ferrying about to get a car when it’s just there.

If you’re less than hour away it’ll be fine.

Well, yeah, it is, a bit. My mum has basically decided that now we are grown-ups, we shouldn't want her input any more, and if we want her to know something, we'll tell her. She doesn't ask. I do message her now and again, and she comments on stuff on Instagram, etc., but she only really wants phone calls at Christmas and birthdays. I've had a lot of therapy over the years, and I've finally accepted that this is the relationship she wants with me, and there's not a lot I can do about it. It is sad that she doesn't want to be a bigger part of my life, but it is what it is. The other parent coming is my step-dad. When I see them we do get on (as long as we don't talk politics), but there is also a reason I didn't find it especially difficult to move away.

Regardless, I am really pleased they are coming to visit me! But I do personally feel they're coming to visit the country I live in slightly more than they are coming specifically to visit us. They won't stay with us, despite our offering, and they really don't want to spend that much time with us before they're off to everywhere else (places we haven't even visited yet!). I think my mum just has a thing about not wanting to impose or be nosy, and we've had it out with her many, many times about how this actually makes us feel, but as I say, it is what it is.

I hope to hear about it!

They are adults. You have tried.

Thankfully, we drive on the same side of the road at least. I think I am just hyper-aware of how incredibly tired I was after we flew here, and how I wouldn't have been fit to drive. But perhaps they'll be absolutely fine! As everybody is saying, they are adults, I can only warn them of this possibility, and it is up to them what they do.

All the more reason to not try and control them, that makes a big proportion of your interactions interfering.

I’m sure they’ll be fine, the tiredness will likely hit them a few hours later. They might also be the sort of folk who can sleep well on the plane, some people can.

They’re adults, they can sleep on the plane. I’m sure they’re perfectly able to decide if they can drive or not.

Yeah i have regularly done that trip over the past 20 years and I never drive at either end because of fatigue. Im also a shift worker so I know fatigue well and still dont risk it

3x a year you speak to your mother?

This is going to be an interesting visit

Don’t stress - public transport to the airport & drive the hire car back to their hotel for them. Otherwise leave them to it, they’re adults. FWIW, we’ve done similar in the past & been fine - also stay up until bedtime to reset body clock & all ok.

You mention 60 like they’re doddering fools. I’m sure they can manage a 45 minute drive after sleeping on the plane. Rather dramatic

I'm so sorry sorry this happened to you. My aunt and her friend were also killed in a similar collision in Spain. English man in a BMW on the wrong side. It's terrifying.

I wouldn’t dream of trying to control how my 62 year old mum transported herself

I’ve driven home many times, I’m not saying it’s the smartest move but 45 minutes is short

I'm so sorry for your loss.

It it’s nice they are coming

and nothing wrong with them wanting to see you AND also wanting to see Oz (or NZ or wherever you live, did not catch that)

nothing wrong with them wanting both.

As to the driving that is their decision, they are making decisions about their life every day. They may be fine, they may realise upon landing they are not fine and get a taxi to a hotel instead. or call you

tell them if they change their mind, they can call you and you will pick them up

then try and stop worrying so much about them

You hardly have any interaction with them OP and not at all close.

Don’t start the visit off in a bad foot by kicking up any more fuss over this

From your thread title I assumed they were at least in their late eighties.