AIBU? DH and family holiday

[Mrshermitt]

FIL birthday this year and theyve planned a family holiday abroad but it’s 1.5k each and at Christmas time. I am unwell so I can’t go anyway and we can’t afford to spend money like that now I’m not working. We have 3 kids so looking at 7.5k for all of us.

DH desperately wants to go and I’ve just said go because I’m sick of hearing about it. I can barely manage taking care of myself some days but somehow I have to figure out with the kids.He’s going for 7 days and coming back on Boxing Day.

Can I ask would your husband do to this to you and your family or even consider it? Especially at that time of the year too?

Not a way in hell my dh would go. But then we aren’t close to our families at all - dh is non contact with all of his and mine are all dead (!) but even so if I was unwell and we couldn’t afford it dh wouldn’t even be considering going.

No. But he is a good man who puts his children and me first.

I am sorry this has happened. No my DH wouldn’t dream of doing this.

How old are your children? Do ILs understand that you (and kids) can’t go? My ILs would arrange something that everyone could attend and nobody need pay for!

I don't think my DH would miss Christmas with his DC unless this was really a special one off or there's some back story (likely to be FIL's last Christmas etc)

In sickness and in health love.

he needs to say he can’t go and tbh, your in-laws are being insensitive to even suggest it knowing you’re (a) unwell and (b) taking a massive financial hit due to being out of work.

I think it depends on your illness sorry. Time with parents is precious too. They aren’t around forever. If you are seriously ill my answer would be different.

So he's fucking off for a hoilday over christmas while his 3 kids and unwell wife stay at home? Thats grounds for divorce.

Thanks this is all I needed as I thought I was going crazy. I’m so sick of hearing about this holiday.

If he wants to go, he’s a shit dad and husband. Why can’t he say to his dad asking to go away for Christmas but not offering to pay is unreasonable, and could it at least be shifted to being away over new year instead?

opting out of family Christmas with you and the dcs is probably the end of your marriage even if it limps along for a while.

I would be telling him not to bother coming back. Yeah its crap to not be able to go if you cant afford things but thats life unfortunately. 7.5k is a lot of money to find and most wouldn't be able to do it.

He's a disgrace...
i'd tell him if he goes not to bother coming back.

Can his parents help with costs so he could take the children with him?

Wanting to go is fine however in my opinion going is not. I'm sure in different circumstances most people would like to afford to go and be in the best of health. 7.5k is a lot for a holiday. I think if he insists on going the children go with him and u stay perhaps with a relative- could be a break for u? He should really be shutting the conversation down and saying as a family u can't go and not apportionning blame.

He needs to grow up and be a proper parent to his children. He's spending money he doesn't have to go on a jolly with his dad, when his own children will be without him at Christmas, and when his wife clearly will struggle to cope. He's a disgrace.

So the OP should have Christmas on her own?

I think you are being unreasonable for telling him to go and then attaching meaning to it. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I would have told my husband no. It's Christmas, and you need to be home with me and the kids. Im not well enough to kind mind everyone and make Christmas special. Also, it's a lot of money and we can't afford it. Instead, you told him to go and now are pissed he's going.

Would my husband go. My husband wouldn't even consider it under those circumstances, but even if he did, i wouldn't make it easy for him. Id say no, and he'd have to demonstrate his priorities.

Of course he wouldn't. If he was that sort of man he wouldn't be my husband.

My in laws would not encourage him to do it either and would find him a contemptible worm if he prioritised a holiday with them over his sick wife and 3 children.

My dh wouldn’t do it and neither would I but.. its a horrible feeling to really want to do something a miss out due to reasons beyond your control. Are the in-laws dead set on a Christmas holiday, they may change their mind once it’s explained the kids won’t be there. Surely there is a compromise somewhere

So DH is happy to spend Christmas away from his DC so he gets this holiday?

I agree with PP, I would tell him not to bother coming back.

Nope wrong! He mentioned it to me again this morning “I really don’t know what todo about the holiday I can’t make my mind up”that’s when I said do you know what just effin go!!!!

They’ve already booked it! DH is adding himself on. But I am done this is the end for me.

I would make it clear that if he makes that choice the relationship is over.

My husband would not consider it, and neither should yours.

He was definitely nagging for that answer / reaction OP

Awful. Sorry.

Be very selfish now, everything that's best for you...even if that's staying but dropping all ropes 💐💐💐

Absolutely! Don’t give him your blessing! He’s just worn you down to the point where you don’t have the energy to stand up for yourself anymore.