Page 5 | DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

Turtleneckhead · 2026-08-26T18:01:59+00:00

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off. DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house. Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm. Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me. And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day” Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

NancyThompson · Yesterday 20:17

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Oh he's manipulated you thoroughly, and his mother has helped.

He's got a nanny with a fanny now, and he can continue to be a manchild.

SockPlant · Yesterday 20:17

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

OP. Be clear. He is using you. He is also an abusive cunt. Get out of there. ASAP.

Next time his DC are there, leave the house before he does, so he has to stay with them. But mostly: get away from him. Far far away.

Thatsillymama · Yesterday 20:17

I'd ask what redeeming features he has but it doesn't matter nothing could counteract that level of childishness. He is collectively the ick.

Bonsaibaby · Yesterday 20:17

He’s treating his own kids and you like a burden, basically wanting to pretend you don’t exist! Actions speak louder than words, he’s a selfish prick. Don’t be the good guy in the argument, let rip and tell him to be a dad and responsible adult to his own kids and say he can have all the time in the world to himself, see ya

Elsvieta · Yesterday 20:18

Stop looking after his kids while he's out and see if he still wants to be with you. Then decide if you want this man to father your child.

whippersnapper55 · Yesterday 20:19

Are you mad? You want to have a child with this man?? You're already his nanny with a fanny 🤦‍♀️ honestly, I despair of what some women will settle for!

CarrieOakie · Yesterday 20:19

Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage?

if its not acceptable to you - then its not acceptable in your marriage

how much do you get paid as a babysitter in your area - 4 nights every other week you could be raking it in. In my area its £15 an hour

JortsNTeeShirt · Yesterday 20:21

So you’re basically free childcare for this guy, while he is out living his best life?

Why on earth do you want to have a baby with him?!

You do realise this will be your life, only worse - stuck indoors night after night watching his kids AND a baby while he pisses about doing what he wants?

Cop on.

WerewolfOfLoudon · Yesterday 20:21

Do you have friends @Turtleneckhead ? Can you start going out with friends after work on the nights his children are there and he has "hobbies"? Just don't come home to parent HIS biological kids. They are not yours. Either he is the adult at home with them or their mother is, or his mother can do it.

Fill for divorce and don't waste your fertile years with this controlling, manipulative waste of space. Your update is awful. He is not a nice man and a shit father and a shittier husband.

ToastyToes101 · Yesterday 20:21

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

So YOU would stay in with your bio children if you had them, but he doesn't have to? How does that make sense?

He doesn't get to say you need to not treat them as a burden, when that is exactly what he's doing, when he goes out 4 nights a week. He wants to do his hobby, but doesn't want to have to look after them, thus considering them to be a burden. But lucky him, he has a wife to do the parenting he doesn't want to have to do.

This is madness and how you've coped with this so long is mind boggling. As PP's have said, don't have a baby with him. It's hardly going to get better.

Loulou4022 · Yesterday 20:21

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Oh he’s manipulated you good and proper! What an arse hole!

paomara · Yesterday 20:21

What did I just read, that he mocked you by imitating your stammer in his response? OMG that is just so awful, hurtful, abusive and humiliating. I'd have thrown some things in a bag and gone by now.

Onceuponatime32 · Yesterday 20:23

Him and his mother have done a real number on you. I would divorce this poor excuse of a man and let him parent his own kids.

renovationchoas · Yesterday 20:24

Divorce this guy. He is not a prince

Beingseenisneedy · Yesterday 20:25

OP: Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument.

If you end up having a daughter and one day she tells you this about her partner, what would you say to her??

avonleabonbon · Yesterday 20:25

Don’t waste your time or life on this man. He’s feeding you all the lines, playing on your good nature and kindness, when he’s being extremely self-absorbed and selfish. He’s transparent as glass to all of us reading. You can be in a happy relationship! Even being single would be more fun as you could have hobbies and friendships. Not hang around to maybe be player 2 for an evening. You could travel, exercise, perform, read, a world of possibilities that are compromised when you have kids. But you haven’t! He’s treating you like a 24/7 nanny, not a partner, not with respect and love. He barely spends any time with you- out of choice!!

boxtop · Yesterday 20:26

RUN LIKE THE WIND. For so many reasons.

MissAmbrosia · Yesterday 20:26

Do not have a baby with him, and then probably ditch him. Contact time with his dc is for him to spend time with them, not for you to babysit whilst he goes out. He treats his OWN kids like a burden - that he handed over to you.

TheBlueKoala · Yesterday 20:27

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Well he clearly finds it useful to have you around so he can leave his kids and do his hobbies. He doesn't want to spend time with you and his interests are those of my 16 year old son- gaming. He also mocks you for stuttering.

He doesn't love you nor does he even like or respect you. I'm sorry but it's so obvious. Luckily you are not pregnant yet so you don't have to see the selfish twat again if you leave him. And your future dc won't have a parent as useless and selfish as he sounds. Please believe me when I say that if you have kids with him everything will get worse because he knows you're stuck. You deserve a partner who loves you, respects you and actually wants to spend time with you. Right now you are just a nanny with a fanny to him.

OriginalUsername2 · Yesterday 20:27

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

You’re being manipulated.

The bit about copying your stutter is nasty. When people show you who they are, believe them (and don’t conceive with them!)

bittertwisted · Yesterday 20:27

paomara · Yesterday 20:21

What did I just read, that he mocked you by imitating your stammer in his response? OMG that is just so awful, hurtful, abusive and humiliating. I'd have thrown some things in a bag and gone by now.

And to think by all accounts this childish, selfish little bully is teaching our children

RemindMeIn15Minutes · Yesterday 20:28

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Please wake up. This guy is treating you like a fool.

SquirrelFan · Yesterday 20:28

LTB.

LateAgainJeeves · Yesterday 20:28

Am I right in thinking you are in the bedroom (crying)? Get the cases out and pack everything you can of your clothes and personal care items. I take it you can drive, put the cases in the car, and book up a room in your nearest Travelodge or Premier Inn etc. If you don't drive/no car, call a taxi or Uber.

You can sort all else out in the morning. You will be able to start the divorce on line.

BagpipeBoss · Yesterday 20:28

Any reasonable woman would look at this setup and ask why she’d bring a baby into a situation where the “partner” behaves like a lodger with hobbies.
He’s absent four nights a week, glued to games the rest, and uses his kids’ schedule as a convenient shield to keep himself free while you’re stuck covering the house.

That’s not stability. That’s not teamwork.

That’s not fatherhood. It’s a man carving out maximum personal freedom while expecting you to absorb all the responsibility.
A baby needs two present adults.

You currently have one — and it’s you.