DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

[Turtleneckhead]

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off.

DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house.

Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm.

Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me.

And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day”

Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

Ew, what an absolute loser. Do not have a baby with this idiot.

Agree with Babygirlie…this is so disrespectful to you.

Well it's definitely incompatible with having child. I would be rethinking TTC in your shoes.

Also, his children are spending time at your home to bond with him, their father. why is he buggering off out & leaving them with you?

This will be your life, effectively a single parent unless you end things now. I think I can guess why he split up with his kids mum.

Well, I'll be the first-he wants a NWAF. Throw him back.

Do notttttttttttt have a baby with this man. Do not. Do not. Do not.

DO NOT.

Why are you looking after his kids??

Okay let’s get this straight; he has 2 kids and hobbies that you knew about and facilitated NOW that you feel broody you expect this to change.
Sorry you’ve made a massive mistake.
His fun free lifestyle is unlikely to change you will be forced by default to do more and more until you ultimately divorce.

Wtf? He goes out FOUR nights a week and leaves you to babysit his kids?? Sorry OP but you're being a doormat here. Put your foot down!

Well you can either put up with it or leave and go and find a real adult man to have children with….i suggest the later and leave this bell rnd to his gaming and stop ttc as he doesn’t parent the kids he’s already got

Agree with PP. Would be useful to have a proper chat with his ex about why that relationship didn’t work out, before you embark on parenthood with this man. Was it because he’s too busy being a kid himself to be a father? I would not be parenting for him at all when it’s his time to have his children- the poor kids!

Sorry why are you looking after his kids when he is at his hobbies?1

As if he's going to magically stop these "hobbies" if he already can dump his kids on you so he doesn't have to spend time with them...
Why would he change if your kid turns up.... you're looking after all the kids then.

Run awaaaaaaaaay

I’m sorry you’ve got this - he’s treating you like a babysitter, so you have two kids already, plus another one in him. Please think really carefully before having a child with him - he sounds useless and pathetic. You could definitely do better

Surely you cannot be serious? He is taking the absolute and utter piss.

YABU to say that “DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house.” When does he do any parenting of his kids?

He will expect you to do all the adulting for him in his life. Do you want that?

I’m guessing he’s a teacher, but he doesn’t sound like a good partner and father. I’d seriously be thinking about his behaviour- and his words. Seems to me he’s telling you who he is.

Fuck me. Stop ttc with this man child. You are better than this

Why are you trying to have a child with someone who is busy all the time and leaves you to look after the kids he has already got? Why?

What a miserable time you will have!

1. Stop trying to conceive immediately and get yourself on some really reliable contraception.
2. Stop allowing him to opt out of parenting his existing children 6/7 days that he is supposed to be responsible for them. Just make yourself unavailable by not being there.
3. If, by any miracle, he steps up and demonstrates he can actual be a parent (highly unlikely) then consider counselling before you conceive to ensure he has a basic understanding of what being a responsible parent in a partnership actually means.
4. If he doesn’t step up (likely) then think about if you want to end up being a single parent. Because that is what will happen regardless of your are still married or not.
5. Think about asking his ex why they divorced (I reckon the whole of Mumsnet could have a fairly accurate guess).

Don't have a child with this man.

Do Not Have A Baby With This Absolute Loser Of A Man.

His existing children come to your house to spend time with him, not you. Stop providing him with free childcare, start insisting - if your DC's are here, he be here for them.

Please open your eyes - he's not interested in spending time with you or with his existing children or with any new children he brings into being. At this point he just wants a woman to be his maid, nanny, housekeeper and shag while he continues to live his best teenage life.

If getting you pregnant so that you can't (so easily) leave him is what is required to lock you in as his free childcare, he'll spawn another kid with you. And spend just as little time with it as he does with the existing one and you.

Fucking hell! He saw you coming OP!

Why on earth are you being so passive in this relationship? Find your gumption and tell him to pack his bags! He’s using you…completely and utterly! And you’re letting him!! 🤯

There is only one positive thing in your whole post…that you are ‘trying’ to conceive! Meaning…you haven’t YET conceived with this arsewanker. Ffs stop ‘trying’ and get rid of him.

Don’t look after his kids for him. Don’t have a baby with him. In fact, get a divorce.

Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri evenings he was at one of his hobbies and all day Sat and Sun he played video games. And you looked after his kids. He doesn't seem to give much of a fuck about any of you.

OP, it is wild that you're tolerating this. Wild!

The first thing I would do is be permanently unavailable to look after his children. The second thing I would do is leave