DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

[Turtleneckhead]

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off.

DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house.

Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm.

Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me.

And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day”

Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

Why do you want to have a baby with a dead beat dad ?

seriously is this your level of expectation from a man?

No idea why you’re TTC with him, he doesn’t look after the ones he has now.

What's the point in your relationship, you hardly see him. He's immature, you can do better than this. He's selfish.

Can’t believe you and you alone think it’s normal to look after his children 4 nights a week. You need to start going out yourself these 4 days and hopefully you will meet an actual “adult man” not this irresponsible child-man you are with. Do yourself a favour get rid of- he has shown you who he truly is - and you his “nanny”. You must know you deserve better ?

his kids are asleep when he goes out, I’m just in the house as they obviously can’t be left alone.

im more bothered about the time he spends on video games and as a poster mentioned, the complete lack of time he spends with me

Stop ttc immediately. This dude can't be bothered to parent the kids he already has, much less any more. He's found a bangmaid nanny to take care of his kids for him while he goes to his hobbies and games. He wants to be a teenager again.

You're basically single parenting his kids who are there for custody time with their dad, not his wife. Is this Prince paying child support, be abuse he's sure not spending half his time with his kids.

Do better for yourself.

What have I just read? Do not think of having a baby with this selfish manchild! Good god even my 18yr old son would be more responsible.

Do not have a baby with this man, instead you should run! He treats you like free childcare, please put yourself first OP.

He married you so he can continue to opt out of parenting. What a dick.
DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS MAN

Now you know why his relationship with his ex broke up. She probably got fed up with parenting him as well as their kids.

You're his housekeeper, free childcare and bedwarmer. Please don't have a baby with this man. He's not going to reduce his hobbies and his gaming to help look after the new baby - he just won't. I expect if you ask his ex she'll tell you she did 99% of the parenting, housework etc when they were together.

Ditch him and find someone who's actually an adult and ready to be a father. You might hope your partner will change but he won't.

OMG you’re actually married to this man? 😬

Sorry OP but your taste in men is 💩.

Stop looking after HIS kids.
Stop TTC.
Start divorce proceedings.

He can't even be bothered to look after the kids he has, so no don't have anymore with him. He appears to be a poor father and partner.

Hmm, I wonder why he split with the mother of his children 🤔 He sounds like a nob.

Run, now.

he will be a shit dad, he will have no time for you or your kids when you eventually have them. Run. Run fast!

Seriously op, this is bad.

stop looking after his children and enabling him for a start. And do not bring a child into this.

Oh dear op, you really need to rethink ttc with him as he’ll be a shit, lazy dad and you’ll be stuck doing everything. Good job he’s shown you who his is now before you have children.

@Turtleneckhead we are all sincerely questioning why are you with him? Can you imagine a life opposite to what you currently have?

I actually didn’t read all of your post because I found it to depressing. I totally understand how depressed you must feel.

Only you can end it?

What age are his kids and what kind of "hobby"? Are they put to bed early so he can go out? Won't they quickly age out of this arrangement as their bedtime will get later.

OP you are the only one accepting it is "obvious" you can't go out (4 night a week!) because you need to watch his children. Every one else thinks he should watch them himself. You would be kind and generous to watch them one night for him.

End it. The man won’t change. He’s already had a wife and kids and didn’t grow up. He won’t grow up for you. Do not have a baby with him.

I’d start off by telling him that from next week, you will not be available for his kids so he needs to stay home and look after them. And then start sorting yourself to move out.

THIS MAN DOES NOT LIKE YOU

He doesn't like his children either
He likely found the first person who would marry him to take over his adulting part of life. the things he doesn't want to do so he can do the bare minimum and then he can just act like a teenager perpetually

This is something that is not fixable
Do not have a child with this man baby

DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house.

Pardon?

So what about your hobbies or meeting with friends or family?

When do you actually do any of these things?

How long have you been together?

I would not be TTC with someone who admits they are done with adulting and would like a more carefree life now (we all get to that stage btw but not when we have DC or are TTC!!)

Sounds like he behaves like a teenager pretty much every day already. Although thinking back, my teenage boyfriend was more responsible and romantic than this, so he’s not even as good as some actual teenagers.

Thank god you clocked this before you were saddled with him as the father of your child forever. Dump this loser and find someone who can look after himself and show care to you properly.

Wake up OP. He is showing you who he is and what he thinks of you. You are the nanny with a fanny - how can you be attracted to this man child?

If you have a child with him then you’ll be doing all the parenting while he plays video games. Then when baby is mobile, you’ll struggle to get baby away from daddy’s gaming.

He’s obviously not going to parent any child you have. (Handing a controller to your child is not playing with them)

How has he managed to con you into this setup with the older kids? Leave before you’re pregnant and forced to co-parent with a man who will get your child hooked on screens in no time at all.

Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house.

No, you don't, OP. They're HIS kids. What would happen if you told him you had plans to go out and he'd have to bin off his hobby to actually be a dad? If you know he'd kick off angrily, what does that tell you? If you developed a hobby which meant leaving the house 4 nights a week, would he be OK with that? He's a selfish immature waste of space. Give him an ultimatum - he parents his own kids, he spends time saving your marriage instead of gaming and going out, or the marriage is over. He won't change though.