DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

[Turtleneckhead]

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off.

DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house.

Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm.

Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me.

And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day”

Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

Please don’t have a baby with this moron!!
Is he at least doing all the housework and your tea on the table when you get home?? I’m on 6 weeks holiday too and DH who’s out the house 12 hours with work and commuting has literally not had to lift a finger all holiday!!

If my son was behaving like this to my daughter in law, I’d be absolutely crushed with guilt.

This can't serious, surely? The only sensible answer is, run for the hills!

No more DC for this manchild, at least with you. You are not valued as a person, wife, nanny. ASAP leave him and get your life back on track.

Remember this phrase

"If he wanted to, he would"

He doesn't want to spend time with you. He will do the bare amount minimum to keep you sweet because you provide free domestic chores and babysitting services.

He's now got to a point where he "knows" you're a total mug, and therefore doesn't even have to pretend to like you that much any more.

If you confront him, he will panic and tell you what you want to hear or try to gaslight you. It won't be a lasting change because it's very difficult to fix a fundamental lack of respect for a person / women in general.

So either accept your life as an ignored and unpaid skivvy or kick the manchild into touch.

So OP, what do YOU think the solution is here?

Because frankly, I can't see one for you anyway. He will be perma happy not to have to look after his kids, spend time with you, give you time for your own interests and so on.

So do you see a future where he will turn into Dad of the Year or something? Not to mention DH of the week!

He has you exactly where he wants you. Minding his children so he can be a permanent teenager pretending he is not a DH or a Dad. That's true isn't it?

If he is not challenged on any of this, he will rub his hands together and not believe his luck in entrapping you in all of this, just for his benefit, because let's face it, there's not much in it for you is there?

Pause TTC for now, then see if he realises what he's at by stating all the above. His reaction/response will be your signpost to the future.

So he dumps his kids on you 4 nights a week while he does his hobby. It doesn't matter that they are asleep when he goes out. He's showing you what his priorities are, the question for you is are you prepared to accept that this is how things will be going forward, even worst when you have kids of your own. What would happen if you wanted to do a hobby, see friends or go out on one of his hobby nights? Im guessing you would have to cancel your plans (you probably wouldn't make the plans in the first place) as his hobbies and gaming are his priority, not you and not his chidren.

Why did his previous relationship with his kids' mother break down?

Listen to everyone else saying FFS don’t have a baby with this man. What on earth has made you convinced that it is normal for you to be the one waiting around at home as the responsible adult while he disappears for 4 nights of the week? You can do much better.

I never usually comment on these type of threads but seriously OP, what are you thinking? He will never grow up. You cannot change him. He is treating you as free childcare and housekeeper. How much would it cost him if he had to pay for the services you provide? His hobbies will always come first and I'm sorry to say, you and the children he already has never will. Get out now before you have a child with this man.

What a joker!

Perfectly put…..and I would add, get back on the pill or implant PDQ…x

Why are you looking after his children so he can swan about like a childless single man? How has it got to this? I am also a stepmother - and my DH does often take the piss - but this is not on in any way. They are his kids and you should be the one out having fun while they visit, because he should be bonding with them. Why do you want a child with this loser?

Well - you’ve seen what he’s like as a father AND a partner, so at least you know what you’ll be getting if you have a baby with him.

If he changes he will maintain it for about 20 mins I reckon. But he’s more likely to moan about it all in a way that makes it clear he thinks children are the woman’s responsibility and revert to type.

my DD’s father (my EX) is like this - he also had two other kids and expected me to look after them on their days with us while he pissed off to do his hobbies. Was utterly livid when I declined and told him he needed to parent his children.

Someone above has said he doesn’t like you or his kids - that’s the sad truth. He needed certain things that allow him to look like he’s playing the part of father properly, but actually he’s completely outsourcing it to you.

No need to have a baby since you already have one.

There is no earthly reason your NVDH needs to go out that often and then game away his life. HE sired those children and he needs to be the one who takes care of them. When do you get to go out at night when the kids are there?

YANBU but he is BU, and he gives me the "ick" from across the pond.

Stop ttc, and stop facilitating his life. He’s not your team mate at all.

I would be bored stupid if I had to put up with this man. Gaming is such a juvenile pastime. I would consider him to be unintelligent if this was his prime focus for spending his time. Throw him back, OP. There’s better men out there for you.

You’ll be on here in a couple of years moaning what a terrible dad he is.
You are in the fortunate position you know he will be a crap dad as he is now a crap husband.

Stop babysitting his children, he'll kick off (of course). The whole point of him marrying you was to get you to be a nanny.

File for divorce asap. You have no future with a man like this.
You can realise it sooner or later. I recommend sooner.

My cousin had a husband like yours. Her husband's child used to arrive and she looked after her. He went out.

They divorced ( after having more children, oh dear...) They used to visit him but ( of course) he wouldn't be there; his new third partner looked after them.

My cousin (by then) was not surprised!

If you procreate with this utter dick, you've only got yourself to blame.

Yeah, you’ll be a single mum if you have kids with this “man child”.

have you heard the phrase "nanny with a fanny"?

😂Outstanding...

He’s not looking after the kids he already has, so don’t give him another one.