AIBU to feel annoyed my father blocks plan for Christmas abroad

[spanishsangria]

I appreciate it's August, but it's a Christmas AIBU.

Every year for Christmas I travel up to Glasgow to be with my family. It's me, parents, and younger brother. For Christmas day we see grandparents for a while but they do their own thing.

DH and I have never spent Christmas together. His elderly mum lives in Cape Town. DH and her usually spend Christmas away somewhere warm, this year it's Mauritius.

I suggested to my parents and brother that maybe we could also go to Mauritius and rent our own villa for Christmas. My brother was very keen as he wanted to try a Christmas in the sun. My mother was also keen, but my father said absolutely not as he "is not leaving his family at Christmas" and he wants to "spend Christmas with family". I appreciate we have elderly relatives, but they are not infirm and my family see them multiple times a week. We can all afford it so money not the issue.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

Go with him, you don’t have to go to your parents’.

Why are you annoyed? Him not wanting to go doesn't stop you going.

Go with your husband and anyone else that does want to go - sounds lovely !

So just go...? I don't see the issue personally

Book to go with your husband. Make clear that your parents and brother are welcome along too. It’s their choice if they do or don’t. The only thing you can control is picking the Xmas you want.

Huh? Spend Christmas with your husband and MIL. You don’t need your parents to go with you. He doesn’t want to go abroad, I wouldn’t want Christmas away either, but he’s not stopping you from going anywhere you want to.

Go with your husband. Your brother can come along if he wants.

You are being unreasonable.
His choice is for him to make.
Doesn't stop you from making a different choice.

YABU to think that your plans are in any way affected by theirs. Of course it’s fine for you to spend Christmas with your DH. Just do it?

Just go surely? I wouldn't want to spend Christmas abroad so you can't be angry at him.

If he doesn't want to why should he change to suit you . Nobody forces you to go to Glasgow . Everyone can do whatever they want . Except the elderly grandparents . But you can see them before or after Xmas ?

I don’t understand why you haven’t ever gone with your husband.

Why don't you and your husband go ? You don't have to do what your father wants.

No way would I be going home to my family for Christmas if Christmas abroad with my partner was an option!

You're a grown adult and what your father wants to do for Christmas shouldn't have any bearing on whether or not you go abroad with your husband. No need for you to be annoyed with him for not wanting to go with you.

He is set in his ways. You don’t have to be, you’ve made the offer, it would be lovely to spend the Christmas away with your DH and MIL.

If you feel guilty, visit your family every second Christmas.

I hope your brother and mother decide to join you in the sun, set a new tradition.

I'd be going with my DH.

I can understand your Dad doesn't want to spent the money, time and travel to spend Christmas in Mauritius if it's not his sort of thing. I don't think I would.

But then he can't complain if you decide to go. I find it odd that you and your DH seem to have previously spent Christmas apart.

You go with your husband. Your parents and younger brother can stay in Scotland. Just because you want to go abroad for Christmas, doesn’t mean they want to. Just because the don’t want to, doesn’t mean you are ‘blocked’!

Maybe your elderly grandparents would like to go too? As many of you as want to go, should go. Your Dad can stay at home. He’s unreasonable if he tries to change what others do. You’re unreasonable if you try to change what others do. All of you are old enough to make your own decisions. Go, have a lovely time.

This is so odd, why are you not spending Christmas with your husband?!

Go with your husband! If you’re old enough to be married you’re old enough to plan Christmas with your husband, not parents! Maybe you could ask your husband to spend Christmas with your family next year (invite MiL as she seems to travel?) but I’d think about what the plan will be with children if you think you’re going to have them.

It's not unreasonable as such, but more people would find it strange that a married couple regularly spent Christmas apart, like you do. Obviously it's your choice, but you're asking opinions, and it's definitely more unusual for spouses to be apart, and it's definitely not unreasonable of your dad to want to be with his family at Christmas, especially as the grandparents are likely to have less time left.

Say H is also my family as well so I am going to Mauritius this year if you or anyone wants to come great I can send details.

It's you who's stopping you not your dad.

But they might need to get cracking depending what vaccinations/visas you need.

Well you clearly think you should all be together as you want your parents and brother to go with you.

Your Da isn’t blocking you, he’s just saying he won’t go.

FGS go to Mauritius with your DH. Up to your brother, Mum and Dad what they each want to do.