AIBU to feel annoyed my father blocks plan for Christmas abroad

[spanishsangria]

I appreciate it's August, but it's a Christmas AIBU.

Every year for Christmas I travel up to Glasgow to be with my family. It's me, parents, and younger brother. For Christmas day we see grandparents for a while but they do their own thing.

DH and I have never spent Christmas together. His elderly mum lives in Cape Town. DH and her usually spend Christmas away somewhere warm, this year it's Mauritius.

I suggested to my parents and brother that maybe we could also go to Mauritius and rent our own villa for Christmas. My brother was very keen as he wanted to try a Christmas in the sun. My mother was also keen, but my father said absolutely not as he "is not leaving his family at Christmas" and he wants to "spend Christmas with family". I appreciate we have elderly relatives, but they are not infirm and my family see them multiple times a week. We can all afford it so money not the issue.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

Mauritius with H or Glasgow in Winter….mmm a tough one.

This

Just go with your husband, it’s only Christmas, happens every year, I don’t get the song and dance over it and I find the fact you and your husband never spend Christmas together super weird

Why can't you go and spend Christmas with your DH and MIL for once?

Before my DH and I got married, we went to our own families for Christmas. After we got married we did alternate years - one year we went to his family for Christmas, the next we went to my family. I think many married couples do that.

After our DDs arrived I realised we'd never had a Christmas at home always travelled, so after that we had some years where we stayed home and people had to come to us if they wanted us!

Your a grown woman you don't need Daddy's permission. Why on earth don't you spend Christmas with your husband ever?

I voted you are being unreasonable as I can’t understand why you don’t just go with your husband? I wouldn’t want to go abroad for Christmas, so I get where your dad is coming from but why does this stop you going?

This is silly, OP. You haven’t got some kind of binding blood contract to spend every Christmas with your parents. Go to Mauritius.

Just go with your husband! Celebrate Christmas with your parents in early December.

I voted YABU because your father hasn’t blocked anything. You suggested something, he said he doesn’t want to. But you can still do it if you want to.

Almost every married couple I know alternates between their parents for Christmas somehow, or trades off in some other way (Christmas/New Year, or Christmas Day/Boxing Day, etc). This is very normal - just go with DH this year, letting your parents know you'll be alternating and coming to them next year, and then leave the rest of your family to do what they like, come to Mauritius or not, up to them.

You're a married woman. Go with your husband if you want to spend Christmas with him in the sun.

Honestly. You can see your own family throughout the year; you don't have to be their every Christmas ... or any Christmas for that matter if you don't want to.

Go with your husband. He’s your new family. Why haven’t you taken it year about and stayed together for Christmas?

Why doesn’t your dad stay with his mum and your mum and brother come with you to Mauritius? (I’ve heard it’s fabulous at that time of year?) That would only be asking of him and your mum what they’ve been asking of you….

Does he expect you to never have a Christmas with your own husband? If not, no problem, go with your husband. If so, then he is being unreasonable and so far he has got his own way.

Why do you have to spend Christmas with your parents? You’re married so are presumably an adult. Spend it with your DH.

This is bonkers.

Your husband is your default family to spend Christmas with, not your parents and brother.

You can just tell your parents you’re going with your DH, and that all christmases will be spent with your DH from now on, at whatever venue.

Why on earth are you separating from your husband at Christmas?

You’re as much a married couple as your parents are, with as much expectation to spend holidays together.

Your dad can pick the Christmas he wants and so can you. Go and be with your husband.

This. Unless one of you has a terminally ill relative or some other unusual circumstance why aren't you and your husband spending Christmas together and alternating which family you spend it with?

How old are you? 18?!
You spend Christmas with your husband and tell your parents you’ll see them in the new year 🤷‍♀️

I don't get how he's blocking you. Go with your DH and enjoy.

Like others I’m not sure how your father is ruining things?

he doesn’t want to go. That’s okay. You are an adult, is your brother also an adult?

leave your mum and dad to debate this one - you go, your brother (if over 18) can go and you mum and dad can decide between them what they do as a couple.

it’s okay that your dad doesn’t want to go away for Christmas. Lots of people have strong feelings about where they want to be at Christmas. You all have free will.

You’ve done the hard part by opening the conversation, use it to say that from this year you are starting a new tradition and you’ll be doing one year with your parents and one with your DH. open the invite to join you in the sun to whoever wants to come.

Just go with your husband, and have your Christmas abroad.
Your husband should come first - why do you keep putting your parents ahead of him? It is perfect normal and usual for adults to spend Christmas away from their parents.

Too enmeshed.
Why isn't the brother off doing his own thing?

Never mind Mauritius, why aren’t you and your DH spending all your Christmases together, wherever that might be?

I’ve never heard of married couples routinely spending Christmas separately with their respective parents.

You and your husband decide where you want to spend Christmas, together, and then do it. What the rest of your family want to do is up to them although it does sound like everyone defers to your father.

Do you not have any idea how bizarre it is that you go back to your family on your own every year? And has your father always been a controlling PITA? You’re an adult. You can say no to him.

You don't spend Christmas with your husband?! That's nuts.