AIBU to feel annoyed my father blocks plan for Christmas abroad

[spanishsangria]

I appreciate it's August, but it's a Christmas AIBU.

Every year for Christmas I travel up to Glasgow to be with my family. It's me, parents, and younger brother. For Christmas day we see grandparents for a while but they do their own thing.

DH and I have never spent Christmas together. His elderly mum lives in Cape Town. DH and her usually spend Christmas away somewhere warm, this year it's Mauritius.

I suggested to my parents and brother that maybe we could also go to Mauritius and rent our own villa for Christmas. My brother was very keen as he wanted to try a Christmas in the sun. My mother was also keen, but my father said absolutely not as he "is not leaving his family at Christmas" and he wants to "spend Christmas with family". I appreciate we have elderly relatives, but they are not infirm and my family see them multiple times a week. We can all afford it so money not the issue.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

There is no law that says you must spend Christmas with your father.
Or that says your father / family must go abroad with you.
Or that says your DH must spend Christmas with is mother.
Or that precludes you from having Christmas with your husband.

Be a grown up. Choose what you want to do, and do it!

Why have you never had Christmas with your H? Not even one Christmas alone, together? Sounds crazy ….

YANBU to want to spend Christmas with your DH
YABU to just accept what your Father insists on and not just do what you want. You are a married woman. Its quite normal to do one Christmas at home and one with your DH family, but you are letting your Father dictate that he is staying at home.. and you interpret that to mean you have to as well.

Have an away Christmas with who ever wants to come with.

Go with your husband. You’re an adult. You can do what you like, surely?! You’re married, you’re not teenagers.

I find it quite bizarre you have never spent Christmas with your DH. I can only echo PP. Go away with your DH.

It's sad for your mother and brother, if they won't go without him, but I wouldn't let this stop me from going abroad at least every other year, if I wanted to. You can celebrate Christmas with your side of the family before you go or after you return.

How old are you? I’m confused because you say you are married, yet as an adult you are letting your father dictate what happens at Christmas?

Spend Christmas with your DH & MIL. Let your brother decide if he would like to come with you. Same for your mum. No need to ask your dad again as he has already declined.

I voted YABU because surely you can go on holiday if you want?! Your dad can do whatever he pleases too.

Agreed. My first thought was grow up - go with your husband.
Visit your grandparents yourself another time - surely you don’t have to go with your parents.

I’m presuming this is a wind up

My first thought was grow up - go with your husband.

My first thought was she isn't invited to go with her husband. It sounds like the only way she can go is if they all go and rent a separate villa, so probably an affordability thing, if they don't all go, OP can't go.

What a weird setup.

Why are the only two options that either your entire extended family goes abroad, or nobody goes? Why are you trying to make everyone to be joined from the hip? I don't think your dad is the problem, I think you just need to accept that not everyone wants to do the same thing and then allow everyone the freedom to do what they want. If that's not an option, then sorry you sound a bit controlling

So true!

If your father doesn't want to go leave him behind . If everyone else is going, he won't be with family at Christmas anyway.

Completely confused by the vote.

YABU to not spend Christmas with your dh
YABU to go to Glasgow if you want to be somewhere warm
YABU to blame your father for you not going where you want to at Christmas.

It is pretty common for couples to alternate where they spend Christmas.

I would spend Christmas with my husband. That might involve alternate years with our respective families. It might include some years with no one but us. The key is that we would always be together.

Why are you all pandering to your father? If you and your brother want to go, go , and take your mum with you if she wants to go

your father can stay at home with his relatives, it’s not going to hurt for one year

I don’t really get this. Go without him? Unless like him you think Christmas is to be spent with your older relatives in which case your frustration is hypocritical.

Tell your dad to go to his family then and the rest of you can all see the delightful miserable curmudgeon when you come back from Mauritius.

Go to Mauritius obviously. You can see them when you get back. The only one blocking your plans is you.

Go with your DH.

Tell DP that you will try to have every third Christmas with them.

This.

You don’t have to continue to spend Christmases like little children—you and your husband going home to your respective families.

You don’t have to wait for all elderly relatives to pass away before you can start having the Christmases that you want with your husband.

You have never spent a Christmas with your husband????

You are not a child! I dont understand this obligation to them? Just have a second Christmas a week later or something

Go with your DH and invite your brother. I think your set up is weird, most couples alternate Christmas between families.

The only thing trapping you is your own mindset.

Go, without a doubt. Christmas in the sun is fabulous. If your Father doesn’t want to go that is his decision but you have free will, live your life.