AIBU to feel annoyed my father blocks plan for Christmas abroad

[spanishsangria]

I appreciate it's August, but it's a Christmas AIBU.

Every year for Christmas I travel up to Glasgow to be with my family. It's me, parents, and younger brother. For Christmas day we see grandparents for a while but they do their own thing.

DH and I have never spent Christmas together. His elderly mum lives in Cape Town. DH and her usually spend Christmas away somewhere warm, this year it's Mauritius.

I suggested to my parents and brother that maybe we could also go to Mauritius and rent our own villa for Christmas. My brother was very keen as he wanted to try a Christmas in the sun. My mother was also keen, but my father said absolutely not as he "is not leaving his family at Christmas" and he wants to "spend Christmas with family". I appreciate we have elderly relatives, but they are not infirm and my family see them multiple times a week. We can all afford it so money not the issue.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

I dont understand why you dont go and do what you want?

He cant stop you from going.
If you want to go then book it.
If he doesnt want to come fair enough.
Hes not blocking you from going.

Do whatever you want to do and if your brother and mother go too then good on them.

However, isn't Cape Town warm in December?

@spanishsangria once you’re married, you usually spend Christmas together wherever that may be. Book to go with your DH and live a little.

Tell your family your plans and they have until X date to decide if they will join you.

You have a husbamd you have never spent Christmas with?!

Go. You don't need your Father's permission.

Just go with your husband..next year do your parents idea of Christmas the year after your mother in law and husband...

Blimey, that’s a tough one - Glasgow in December, or Mauritius.

Xmas wasn't even considered a public holiday in Scotland until 1958, so it's unlikely that your grandparents will claim to be as attached to it as your dad seems to be! Surely better to be there for Hogmanay, and spend Xmas with your dh, mil, and whoever else chooses to go with you?!

Ermmmm why on earth do you and DH not just alternate each year where you go?

Why would you separate?

Why wouldn’t you go with your husband this year? Don’t understand the problem, once you’re married you may not always be able to spend Christmas with your family (and if your father doesn’t want to travel that’s up to him.)

Just because you want to go abroad for Christmas, doesn’t mean they want to. Just because the don’t want to, doesn’t mean you are ‘blocked’!

Exactly! It's not his thing. He likes a traditional Christmas. He's entitled to his own preferences, and expecting him to spend a shedload of money for flights and accommodation for a Christmas he doesn't want, is exceptionally unreasonable of you.

How has your dad blocked you from going?

One Christmas we flew to Australia to spend Christmas there with extended family. We love them and we had a lovely holiday in the sun, but it wasn't Christmas. It felt very 'wrong' and we never did it again.

This is crazy!

Have you & your husband never wanted to spend Christmas together?

This ^
And maybe your brother will join you as well.
A lot of people don’t like go somewhere abroad for Christmas- it’s fine. Others like it - and it’s fine as well.

Why are you spending Christmas away from your own husband? So weird that you spend it apart to be with your parents 😂

I have two grown up dc and I fully expect them to spend their Christmas with their partners - sometimes that’s here with us, and sometimes not. Certainly don’t expect them to come home for Christmas whilst their partner goes to their families.

Just go with your DH. Tell your family they are welcome to join you if they would like to. You don’t have to spend every Christmas with your family. I went away to Warmer climates for years at Christmas with DH and can thoroughly recommend it !

You don't want to leave your parents on Christmas. He doesn't want to leave his. That's his choice. You have the option to go with your DH or go to your parents but you don't get to decide what your father does, that's his choice.

You are married, yet you've never spent a Christmas with your husband????!! WTAF!!! Does he insist on travelling to Cape Town every year to spend Christmas with his Mum, and not invite you??! Surely you agree to spend Christmas together in Glasgow with your parents one year and then the following year travel to Cape Town (or wherever) to spend Christmas with his Mum?! You could even be really crazy and decide to have every third year at home together without either set of parents!

If you want to travel to Mauritius with your husband for Christmas, then go! The only person stopping you, is you! If your Dad doesn't want to go, that's entirely up to him, but it's not stopping you or your brother from going. I appreciate if your Dad says no, then your Mum will likely stay at home with him, but again that's her choice. You shouldn't feel guilty for prioritising what you want, over your parents/brother. Your priority should be what you and your husband want.

Go with your husband.

wait though, why doesnt her husband prioritise his wife? clearly family christmases are important to her and her family, so why can't he go away with his mother the week before or after christmas? or any other time? or go with his mother to Glasgow? or spend some time in Scotland and then bounce over to Spain or somewhere?

You are not blocked. Super weird you spend Christmas apart from your DH every year. Just go overseas and spend every second year with your mum and dad. Invite your brother to come with you!

Yabu for not spending Xmas with your husband.

Go!