AIBU to feel annoyed my father blocks plan for Christmas abroad

[spanishsangria]

I appreciate it's August, but it's a Christmas AIBU.

Every year for Christmas I travel up to Glasgow to be with my family. It's me, parents, and younger brother. For Christmas day we see grandparents for a while but they do their own thing.

DH and I have never spent Christmas together. His elderly mum lives in Cape Town. DH and her usually spend Christmas away somewhere warm, this year it's Mauritius.

I suggested to my parents and brother that maybe we could also go to Mauritius and rent our own villa for Christmas. My brother was very keen as he wanted to try a Christmas in the sun. My mother was also keen, but my father said absolutely not as he "is not leaving his family at Christmas" and he wants to "spend Christmas with family". I appreciate we have elderly relatives, but they are not infirm and my family see them multiple times a week. We can all afford it so money not the issue.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

Maybe do alternate xmas’s so one year you go to his mums (or somewhere nice and sunny) and the other times you go to your family. You could even extend the invite to the sunny Xmas to those that want to go. I’m sure your dad will soon come round to hen he’s sat on his own eating a microwave turkey dinner!

You have never spent Christmas with your DH? Go with him to Mauritius unless your DH doesn’t want you to and would rather spend it with his DM??

Surely when you choose to get married you prioritise your spouse and you may have to accept that you won't be spending every Christmas with your parents.

So you've rarely (if ever) had a Christmas together with your DH? Instead you go to your parents, and DH goes away with his mother. OK

If you want to be with your DH, it's time to break the mould and decide that this year is the year you go away with DH. Visit parents and grandparents the week before.

They cannot control your life like this, it's ridiculous, although I'd say they'll be the first to complain, not about you going away with DH, but the fact that MIL is going aswell, so brace yourself! However, make sure you emphasise that the choice is theirs to stay at home. Your DB can make his own mind up, but the chances are he will feel he has to stay if you are going. More emotional blackmail, maybe not overtly, but it might be there. Ignore that, DB is an adult, not your immediate responsibility.

We made the break a few years ago too. No MIL involved though!, a few huffs and puffs and huh it's very nice for you while we're here in the cold blah, blah, blah. But off we went, and it's now the new normal for us! Oh and BTW we didn't suggest family join us either, now that would have been hell on earth, what no Branston pickle, ye gods, get me home" you get the picture...ha ha.

YABU to think that your wants flat Christmas are any more important than his.

Go have the Christmas YOU want, let him have the Christmas HE WANTS.

He isnt blocking your Christmas, hes setting his own want for HIS Christmas.

Do you want the grandparents to go too? or they just stay at home alone at Christmas?
Everyone just ups and goes to Mauritius to please you?

No. You arrange your Christmas.

your father is not blocking
your father has simply decided he is not coming

I vote YABU only because him not going doesn’t stop you going.
Your DH is your family aswell, spend it with him

Go away with your Husband and MIL.

Your father is not the keeper of you.

I’m confused why that means you can’t go? Surely just go with your husband?

Yes, you're being unreasonable. Put on your big girl pants and do what you want to do. Your father isn't blocking you, you're letting him dictate what you do. Stop being pathetic and spend Christmas with your husband.

Right? Surely it's perfectly normal to spend Christmas with your husband once you're married and alternate seeing parents either on the day or around the holidays. I'm genuinely amazed you've never spent Christmas with the man you married!

So just go with your husband

Go with bro and mum. Leave dad at home. Or will mum refuse to go without sorbet?

If you're old enough to be married you're old enough to make grown up decisions.

Just do Christmas at home early or late and go with your DH and whoever else wants to go.

To be fair you’re trying to block his plans for a Christmas at home.

If you want to travel for Christmas, then travel for Christmas but you can’t drag your whole family with you if it’s not something they want to do.

Well this is simply resolved isn’t it?

You go to Mauritius and DF does what he’s always done.

YABU to expect your dad to go away if he doesn’t want to. And he is BU if he kicks off about you going away.

But he can’t block you. What’s he going to do? Steal your passport?

Slightly off topic, but I can highly recommend a South African Xmas.

Why is your dad in charge of what you do for Christmas? And why have you never spent Christmas with your DH?

Your mum and dad have had plenty of Christmas’s with you, time to prioritise your husband and spend this one with him regardless of whether your mum and dad go with you. It won’t kill you or them to spend one Christmas apart, you’re a married woman not a child.

this is weird, you’ve never spent Christmas with your husband?

”hey dad I’ve decided to go to Mauritius with dh this year, you’d all be welcome to come along too if you want”

can’t see the issue here unless there is some massive drip feed coming

You have a martyr complex. You can just go to Mauritius with your DH.

I voted YABU for not making an adult decision, as a married woman, and going with your DH.

Your dad isn’t “blocking” any plans.

I assume you’re a grown adult since you have a husband, so why can’t you and your husband go?

go with your husband and let your family do their own thing.