To not want to spend more money on horses?

[tommyknocker1982]

My wife and I are at loggerheads on this, so I'm looking for outside opinions...

Bit of background - we're in our 40's and both work, and we have 2 daughters, 15 and 12. I don't ride but my wife and daughters do. We bought our first horse a couple of years ago. I was firmly against it, but my family appealed constantly, and my wife provided a breakdown of the costs, which turned out to be a wild underestimate.

A year later, that horse had some health issues and my wife said he wasn't suitable for our youngest daughter. So, I switched to work full time and we bought a second horse. Since then, the horse related costs have escalated endlessly (vets, van hire, trips to the saddlery...) and I'd guess we now spend around £25k a year on horses.

I've agreed to getting a 4x4 and horse trailer, but the next ask is that my wife wants us to move to a "house with land", so that she can keep the horses at home.

And this is where we clash. Acres of land in the south east is expensive, and would mean either moving into a worse house than we have now, or taking out a huge mortgage. I don't want an equestrian lifestyle. I don't want the extra maintenance, I don't like the smell, and I don't want to live in a rural backwater so I can have animals staring at me through my kitchen window. Am I being unreasonable to say "no, I don't want to spend any more on horses"?

I Am Being Unreasonable - I should agree to my wife's demand. Live a life I don't want, and probably face more escalating costs even with them living with us at home.

I Am NOT Being Unreasonable - I say "enough is enough". We spend enough already and need to draw a line under it.

If his wife wasn't such a princess, it would cost £2.99 for a packet of baby wipes, £1.99 for a box of latex gloves and £1.55 for a bottle of BP liquid paraffin (from the pharmacy, not the stuff for lamps).

OP just another thought if costs have skyrocketed unexpectedly...

How often do you go to the yard? How well do you know "your" horses, could you pick them out of a lineup?
"Secret" horses are a thing, you would be the first and I doubt you'd be the last, to own more than you realised.

Children really don't get a vote in these circumstances. It's the adults who are paying for this.

I wanted to learn to play the piano when I was a child. We didn't have the room for a piano (no weighted electric keyboards in those days) and my parents couldn't afford a piano. I was allowed to play an alternative instrument.

If I'm understanding correctly, the OP has had to take on extra work already. If the wife is insistent, then she needs to work more in order to afford this expensive hobby.

I think you've already compromised enough by going back to work today extra day to pay for the horses.

You need an honest chat with her and agree a solution together.

My friend has horses at home. I would not want to live her life. Or spend that money. She, and her 3 daughters, love it. Her DH is happy to spend his money on the horses as it makes his girls happy. I know he'd prefer to spend the money on other things though.