To not want to spend more money on horses?

[tommyknocker1982]

My wife and I are at loggerheads on this, so I'm looking for outside opinions...

Bit of background - we're in our 40's and both work, and we have 2 daughters, 15 and 12. I don't ride but my wife and daughters do. We bought our first horse a couple of years ago. I was firmly against it, but my family appealed constantly, and my wife provided a breakdown of the costs, which turned out to be a wild underestimate.

A year later, that horse had some health issues and my wife said he wasn't suitable for our youngest daughter. So, I switched to work full time and we bought a second horse. Since then, the horse related costs have escalated endlessly (vets, van hire, trips to the saddlery...) and I'd guess we now spend around £25k a year on horses.

I've agreed to getting a 4x4 and horse trailer, but the next ask is that my wife wants us to move to a "house with land", so that she can keep the horses at home.

And this is where we clash. Acres of land in the south east is expensive, and would mean either moving into a worse house than we have now, or taking out a huge mortgage. I don't want an equestrian lifestyle. I don't want the extra maintenance, I don't like the smell, and I don't want to live in a rural backwater so I can have animals staring at me through my kitchen window. Am I being unreasonable to say "no, I don't want to spend any more on horses"?

I Am Being Unreasonable - I should agree to my wife's demand. Live a life I don't want, and probably face more escalating costs even with them living with us at home.

I Am NOT Being Unreasonable - I say "enough is enough". We spend enough already and need to draw a line under it.

I can’t get past “sheath cleaning” 🤢🤢🤢

Would a good stepping stone be moving to DIY livery, or at least much lower level input that the current 5 day livery and see how that goes. Put the difference in costs aside towards future move if that seems like the right choice late on. Yes, there’ll be travel time on diy, but when it’s your land there’ll be maintenance.

This ! @ our house but its cats ! Omg ...have said before why does everybody take their brain out when it comes to animals ? I say this as a vegetarian too...I love critters , thats why I don't eat them,but only the wild ones , I absolutely do not want to look after a domesticated animal . "Our" cat costs more than me each year to keep ...a 3K recent vets bill to have his tail amputated after he ran in front of a car , as a recent example. Hopefully he only has one more life left . Stand your ground buddy, this " horse thing" is only going to escalate !!

So you basically would only marry someone who bankrolled your hugely expensive hobby 100%? Ew.

Can you imagine a man saying that?

I might get into sheath cleaning if it pays £200 a pop (hopefully not quite literally)

That’s a particularly twisted way to interpret it. It seems sensible to have had the discussions and agreement about lifestyle and finances before marriage and children. That would have stopped a lot of the issues we see on MN regarding joint finances.

Discussions, yes. Couldn't agree more.

Saying "You must pay 100% of my horse costs if we get married. Non negotiable" is not a discussion though.

Hard no from me OP. But then I am very cynical that most, if any, horses actually enjoy being ridden. Some tolerate it, of course. I personally would not like a hobby that involved an animal coerced into something they don't want to do.