AIBU to lie about my holiday plans?

[whirlingswirlingsaucepan]

"Any plans for the holidays?" Is allegedly just an innocent, small talk question when conversation dries. In reality it isn't innocent and I really dislike the question.

We are fairly well off (I did not grow up wealthy). And enjoy travelling to far flung locations as a family. Always have. Whether on a budget when younger, or to nicer hotels now we have abit more cash. Somehow, most people around me, both rich and not-so-rich prefer to/can only afford to holiday in nearby/familiar locations (as another recent post has suggested).

As a result, my holidays gather undue interest. People get jealous or judgy. ("Oh, those awful rich kids that travel to South Africa for their holidays", as my teacher-friend once said about wealthy kids in her class). My holidays get talked about (People I never mentioned my holiday to ask how my holiday to so and so was). When asked my plans, I'd honestly rather just say "mostly going about town, maybe Brighton for a long weekend".

I do answer this at work, very successfully. Its nobody's business. Once I did mention to my boss that we were going somewhere nice, and he had this self-pity thing about only being able to afford to go to Dorset. Never again. In reality, SOME people are abit dishonest, and can afford more exotic locations, but choose not to prioritise them. Which is fine, but why the self-pity? (obviously most people can't afford expensive holidays)

The problem at home is: a) My husband is incredibly honest, and doesn't care what people think, so tells our plans exactly when asked. b) My 6 year old mentions our holidays to his classmates, (he enjoys the attention that he gets from teachers, other parents "ooooh, that's niiice"). c) I feel dishonest if I answer "Not much really", only for my child's friend to say "I thought you were going to Malaysia?".

Am I being unreasonable to want to lie about where I go on holiday? My holiday destination is for me and my family. Why is it such a common question to be asked (and judged) by people at work / I barely chat to at the school gate? Also by friends, who then get jealous.

YANBU unreasonable: "Lie away". Also suggestions please on how to overcome stated husband/child disclosure difficulties.

YABU: Please do tell me why it's unreasonable, and what I should do instead?

Lying is weird, you'll get found out, and also it's patronising, if you're doing it because you think others will be jealous because they can't afford it. Would you lie about your house, your car, your job, kids' school? People will know your lifestyle level anyway unless you are very reclusive or miserly.

I get it. People were well weird with me when I took my first fancy holiday. Like sorry I’m not stuck on the council estate anymore, let me fucking live.

To be fair though, most of our holidays are still a little chavy but I think that’s in my DNA.

This! I love hearing about people's holidays even if its somewhere I cant afford to go to!

That's very unfortunate. I'm not interested in travel for reasons already shared by others so am mildly bored when people discuss holidays, are you sure that's not what you're experiencing? If it's jealously, then dontclet it get you down, that's a 'them' problem!

I cant imagine someone giving that sort of response tbh, how strange.

Although I think it's sometimes wise to keep things on the DL, my old workplace everyone was a bit of a sheep when it came to holidays (me included). In 2015 every single one of our department went to Muscat for a winter break because one person would say they've booked it and how nice it looks etc etc ha🐑🐑

My life rule is that it's a good idea to keep your personal life, plans and anything that gathers attention, and could attract jealousy, to myself. You don't have to lie, but you can generalise the truth.

"We'll probably relax somewhere warm"
"We haven't really finished planning anything yet"
"We're thinking about going somewhere warm"
"We just plan on relaxing and getting some sleep in" (you don't have to specify where)

state the facts and don't be a pompous ar5e presuming others will be jealous. If they are that's on them.
Alternatively move somewhere where you are surrounded by equally wealthy people (Monaco?) then when you say Malaysia, they can look down on you ;)

Gosh my first thought was there’s some serious overthinking here. I don’t think people are that bothered and those that are, well you can’t solve that. I think most people might fleetingly say ‘how lovely’ or ‘we’re just doing a couple of days here and there this summer’ but don’t really fully think about it much more than that.

You are overthinking things. People just don’t care that much.

This really shouldn’t have so much of your energy wasted on it.

“The people who care don’t matter and the people that matter don’t care.”

Say what you like - I’d probably tailor it to the person asking so if they don’t know their Bognor from their Bodrum id say “Asia” otherwise just you could just say Malaysia for the x island or food tour or whatever takes your fancy

have a brill time. I’d be one of those annoying people asking for advice or your top tips on each destination for my own planning! Haha

Tell people the truth! I am interested in the exotic places people go. I might not be able to afford it this year but I am interested. A lot of people are just too lazy to go further a field or would rather put the money in their already huge pension. Don’t give them a second thought.

nah! couldn't give two hoots what people think of my holidays

My first thought was also that you're overthinking. I really can't imagine people care that much.

Are you referring to your hairdresser asking this standard question?

DS has a classmate who in one year has gone to Japon, Seychelles, New York, Australia and Norway. Needless to say the others are a bit jealous 😅 but they are y9 so understand that some are financially better off than others. Happy this is not a good friend of my ds because the disparity might be hard when one has unlimited fonds to spend whereas ds and his friends are happy to go out with a picknick, go to the cinema, swimming, playing football etc.

I think most people don't care about travel in general or are happy with a couple of weeks a year in a reasonably priced AI in Spain. A few might be jealous but for all they know you might be spending an inheritance or getting into debt.

Travel is just so personal that I really can't see many people caring outside of a way to make polite smalltalk.

In what way were they weird?

People are so weird! I couldn't tell you where any of my colleagues or neighbours have been this year. They did tell me but I really don't care so don't retain the info.

Random comments like "oh, how exotic" or "oh, lucky you away again" sound like something I would say to be polite whilst quickly moving the conversation on as I really don't give a shit!

My husband is incredibly honest, and doesn't care what people think, so tells our plans exactly when asked

I'd suggest taking a leaf out of your husband's book, he sounds like he's got exactly the right approach.

People asking how much it costs and where I got the idea to go there. Also “oh I would never spend that much” comments which I always find a bit weird - like mate don’t worry I wasn’t gonna invite you. Some people are genuinely curious in a normal way, which is fine but sometimes you can just tell by the tone someone is being weird. My sister asks me how much flights ect cost but I know she’s just really nosey, I don’t mind genuine questions.

FGS. No one is that interested in you.

We do long haul and local holidays but rarely get asked about where we are going so I am curious as to why this is an issue. I only ever ask people this if I know they usually do travel as it might be rubbing it in a bit if people are struggling to make ends meet. Sometimes they don’t prioritise holidays but sometimes it is simply there is no money spare and it would feel bad to ask and I don’t volunteer although I do put pictures afterwards on social media and what’s app our close family pictures.

You have a family. That family includes children. You are just going to have to down your choices and tell the truth.

It’s unreasonable to expect a child to lie

If you are going to Mexico just say we are going to Mexico. The devil is in the details so as you are so sensitive- don’t mention any expensive activities/ features or for how long. If asked - be a bit vague. Many people don’t like to advertise details of their plans beforehand.
I wouldn’t comment on affordability/ prices etc myself and would dump gently any questions on that topic.