My “comeback” was equal levels rude?

[Rebes]

I am from a Mediterranean culture that can be highly misogynistic and a bit old fashioned especially in regards to women. I was talking to my partner’s aunt at a gathering (same background) when the aunt asked me my age. I knew she was trying to figure out if I’m passed it. I thought it was incredibly rude. And frankly I was just very over being judged for being 32 and unmarried. Have focused on career and travelling. So in response I asked what her bmi was. She’s overweight but nothing extreme.

Anyway, I got a phone call from boyfriend’s cousin who had a massive go at me. And I’m now not allowed to step foot in the Aunts house. Which is where everyone gathers. Bf obviously isn’t pleased.

NO ONE in bf’s family (his parents and siblings) thinks what I did was right. My mum said it was totally fair to highlight the Aunt’s rudeness. Sick to death of people judging me.

I normally bite my lip. I know it was nasty. I don’t know why she’s the only one who has a right to be offended and garner all the sympathy.

You were not "equal level" rude, you were unacceptably rude.

"Equal level" rude would have been "I'm 32, how old are you?".

You could have made your point without losing the moral high-gound. You need to apologise.

You were not "equal level" rude, you were unacceptably rude.

"Equal level" rude would have been "I'm 32, how old are you?".

You could have made your point without losing the moral high-gound. You need to apologise.

No she wasn't. She simply wasn't being a wet wipe. Fair play to her.

In your shoes I would be having second thoughts where this kind of rudeness and weirdness reigns supreme.

She can be whatever she likes in her own home. You’re not a feminist heroine for calling her out on it

And yet you want unfettered access to her home.

Does your boyfriend cook or clean for when you all gather there?

Or do you all just use this poor woman for her food and drink?

I bet you’ve got yourself in knots over this! And undoubtedly you’ve been expected to ‘be kind’ all your life.

Well, good for you. It’s rude to ask someone’s age if they’re over 12, it really is. I bet she’ll think twice before asking someone else.

FWIW I love it!

What exactly did you expect to happen?

I think MN is the wrong forum to ask this question, OP. Firstly, weight is such a contentious issue on here, and secondly, a lot of posters will not understand the cultural context you are referring to.

As someone from that part of the world myself, I do understand, and well done for standing up for yourself. This aunt was absolutely asking your age so she could launch into some nonsense about you being over the hill, so well done for not standing for it.

I had a similar situation with my great aunt a few years back before I got married, who said that I needed to hurry up and get married so my life could start. She didn’t like it when I retorted that a) my life had already started seeing as I was a woman in her thirties, and b) marrying a man would have actually put me at a higher risk of having my life ended due to domestic violence. She did not appreciate that response.

And if your BF is not prepared to support you on this then maybe you need a much bigger conversation with him?

It’s a quick retort. I found it quite funny but I wouldn’t have said it. Well not now at the age of 52! Probably would have done at your age though.

I can understand why you were pissed off though, hearing all that shit and knowing you’re being judged.

It’s done now though, I would apologise but I think you’ll find your BF’s family will just dislike you forever. Find a new one with a less shitty family,

Are some of these replies AI? That response was neither quick witted nor funny. ‘How old are you?’ ‘You’re fat’

Are you Italian? YANBU, tell her to get over herself.

Some people are giving you a hard time on here, OP. The aunt was bloody rude, she knew exactly what she was doing. Good job you've been banned from her house. I might be thinking through if you want to continue your relationship. I would be worried that these horrible misogynistic attitudes had rubbed off onto your partner.

Bloody hell! I’m old school too, and would consider any man that did that not suitable husband material either.

I’ve never really understood this thing about age. Why is it rude to ask someone’s age? That only works if you think there’s something bad about being older – the OP used the phrase ‘past it’. ‘On the shelf’ is another one. Older people in my culture can sometimes be seen as invalid, not worth listening to but I don’t buy into that and I’m always very happy to share my age.

Fat shaming is a nasty thing to do though.

Use your imagination?

Well if the aunt was implying the OP is old then what’s wrong with the OP implying the aunt is fat?

All you had to say was “I don’t think that’s an appropriate question” and you’d have called her out but kept the moral and social high ground.

There's nothing unhinged about it. They may be my family but they are still men.

Yet on another post where the OP was offended by 'jokey' comments about her height from her in-laws this is precisely how she was being told to respond! Make your minds up folks, if personal comments are made to/about me then I consider the gloves are off!

Gosh you were horrible. What a disastrously touchy response.

Surely what you said was a pointed joke. You weren’t expecting an answer.

Then don’t worry about being excluded.

She was possibly going to be rude, through ignorance. You were rude with the full knowledge of what you were doing. You meant to hurt and humiliate, all you were going to feel from her comments was annoyance. I think she sounds awful but on this occasion you were worse.

Didn't say they were. I just said what some of them would do and that would be to keep the sexual relationship going as long as they could before ultimately cutting them off altogether.

Maybe the OP thinks more of herself and has a moral code that sits outside of whether or not she wants to be seen as appropriate chattel for some man and his family.