My “comeback” was equal levels rude?

[Rebes]

I am from a Mediterranean culture that can be highly misogynistic and a bit old fashioned especially in regards to women. I was talking to my partner’s aunt at a gathering (same background) when the aunt asked me my age. I knew she was trying to figure out if I’m passed it. I thought it was incredibly rude. And frankly I was just very over being judged for being 32 and unmarried. Have focused on career and travelling. So in response I asked what her bmi was. She’s overweight but nothing extreme.

Anyway, I got a phone call from boyfriend’s cousin who had a massive go at me. And I’m now not allowed to step foot in the Aunts house. Which is where everyone gathers. Bf obviously isn’t pleased.

NO ONE in bf’s family (his parents and siblings) thinks what I did was right. My mum said it was totally fair to highlight the Aunt’s rudeness. Sick to death of people judging me.

I normally bite my lip. I know it was nasty. I don’t know why she’s the only one who has a right to be offended and garner all the sympathy.

I think you'll struggle to find anyone who thinks what you did was "right". It might have been OK to ask her why she was asking and point out that you disagreed with her and why, but a personal attack on her appearance, for a woman whose family you were a guest of?

You’re proving the misogyny is alive and well with this comment!
God forbid a woman has boundaries or stands up for herself 🙄

Sorry what was she trying to figure out you'd passed? I don't understand.
Also you were both rude, you should have just answered the question in good faith and then if she has an issue with you being unmarried that's her problem.

No I think some people just have firm rules around disrespecting elders

@Rebes
I think this was a mistake on your part.
I too am of a similar culture.
I think that politely letting your boyfriend’s family know your opinions, without offending them would have been so much more beneficial in the long term. Not only on a personal level, by being liked and welcomed into the family, but also in terms of the message you are putting out. Without the opportunity to get to know you, they wont be able to appreciate all the positive aspects that the choices you have made in life have enabled you to benefit from.

"people will have a false impression of me"

No, I think they have the right impression of you.

Sometimes, putting up with your OH's odd aunt / family members is just something you do. Especially when you haven't known them long. And you laugh about how old fashioned they are to your boyfriend later. If it comes the time when you are married and have children, then you can be all feisty and funny and "I don't take no crap from the backwards old biddy in-laws, aren't I so quick witted standing up for myself?" if you must.

Or you could just be a bit respectful and accept that they are nosy and old-fashioned and just inwardly roll your eyes.

I understand that. I don’t agree with it though. Why should being an elder mean you get to say whatever you want and everyone has to accept it?!
(I know this is deeply ingrained in cultures and won’t change, it’s a personal bugbear though).

The aunt asked a question which some may find intrusive, but you over-reacted with a spiteful response which was rude. Everyone knows that discussing weight is a sensitive subject so you really stuck the knife in.

You can either apologise and see what she says, but given the conservative culture you may find your relationship doesn’t last the distance as your card will be marked now.

There was just a tone to her voice which made the question sound like it genuinely came from a place of concern. I’m always getting told I need to settle down my the older generation.

So why do you want to go to keep going to her home and make use of her hospitality?

The answer to ‘How old are you?’ could have been ‘A lady never tells’.

You set a bonfire in response to a matchstick.

Own goal.

Grow up. She asked you a perfectly normal question!

It was a brilliant reply 👏

Then you need to develop strategies to solve this in a way that doesn't make you come over as a massive cunt.

You were incredibly rude and just bloody rude. I don't know why you needed to be so cagey about your age. Just tell her and let her think what she wants.

You were awful.

I’ve literally witnessed this woman explain why having sons is better. In 2026. In the UK. Where she was born. She is a weirdo

This poster is illustrating quite nicely why trying to top trumps someone's rudeness by being even more rude doesn't work. You just end up looking like an angry and unhinged weirdo.

Are you sure this is the right family for you to marry into? I know you said it's your culture but there are presumably men out there who have families with more progressive views. And you seem touchy and the sort of person who brings a gun to a snowball fight. Bit of a lethal combination.

Haha, love your comeback, OP. Yes, you were rude back but I still love it!

You were really rude disproportionately.

No she didn’t!!! I think it’s very rude to ask a person their age unless they’re a child or teenager. Good on you OP, love that come back.

It was a crass reply. An ‘equivalent’ would've been asking her how old she was and why it was relevant. You could’ve stayed classy and risen above it but you chose to be rude AF. I wouldn't want you in my house after that either.

No it’s not? I get asked all the time, because I look younger than I am!

Well given you are only just getting to know them, you got in a huff about a tone, you went on stuff you’d overheard: I reckon they now have the measure of you. You ARE hotheaded. You barely know these people, you were a guest in their home, and your answer to “how old are you?” was basically “just how fat are YOU?”. I mean, in my house you would have had an uncle getting up and asking you to leave. This woman isn’t answerable for every time you’ve been on the receiving end of judgement. But you didn’t half whip her with your tongue!