My “comeback” was equal levels rude?

[Rebes]

I am from a Mediterranean culture that can be highly misogynistic and a bit old fashioned especially in regards to women. I was talking to my partner’s aunt at a gathering (same background) when the aunt asked me my age. I knew she was trying to figure out if I’m passed it. I thought it was incredibly rude. And frankly I was just very over being judged for being 32 and unmarried. Have focused on career and travelling. So in response I asked what her bmi was. She’s overweight but nothing extreme.

Anyway, I got a phone call from boyfriend’s cousin who had a massive go at me. And I’m now not allowed to step foot in the Aunts house. Which is where everyone gathers. Bf obviously isn’t pleased.

NO ONE in bf’s family (his parents and siblings) thinks what I did was right. My mum said it was totally fair to highlight the Aunt’s rudeness. Sick to death of people judging me.

I normally bite my lip. I know it was nasty. I don’t know why she’s the only one who has a right to be offended and garner all the sympathy.

As an overweight 58 year old woman, I think unless you are asking a young person, teenage and under, or talking about age specific subjects eg pension, bus passes etc, both age and BMI are on a par as rude questions. Too many people like to dish out insults, veiled or not, but don’t like it back.

I laughed! 😂

Far too often, people can only dish it out.

Interesting that OP hasn't answered the question about how old BF is...

Well, you have my sympathy, @Rebes! Is your BF's ethnicity the same as yours? I was just wondering if you/your BF could pass it off as a cultural misunderstanding, ie let his family think that asking someone's age is incredibly rude in your culture. I'm sure you're right about her reasons for asking you, from what you say, and it would have pissed me off, too.

Or why she’s so keen to go back to the aunt’s house.

Absolutely amazing comeback! really? She could have displayed that by asking why her Aunt wanted to know her age, not by being totally disrespectful, and frankly rude.

You sound delightful @Rebes.

Over the top and very rude of you.

Do please send an “I’m sorry if you felt my comments offensive” non-apology text

you know what she was saying, she just didn’t like the fact that you called her out.

Yes truly Oscar Wilde would have been proud of such a witty comeback.....

Lady Astor: You, sir, are drunk!
Winston Churchill: And you, my lady, are ugly. But at least I shall be sober in the morning.

Be more Churchill 😏

If you do want to make things good in order to get invited again, you could write explaining you meant it as a joke but realise it didn’t land that way. That might not be quite the truth but she might accept it as it’s quite common for people to say something they intend lightheartedly and for other people to take it much more seriously

I think the problem is that asking someone’s BMI is universally regarded as extremely rude, even offensive, whereas a relative asking a young person’s age is not generally considered particularly rude. A complete stranger or work colleague asking this would be out of line.

You’d have been on sturdier ground if you had waited to hear what she said next.

I'm afraid I find it hilarious too... this vision of relatives swapping data at every gathering to assert their place in the pecking order:
"What's your postcode?"
"How many A levels, A stars?"
"Average step count?"
"Cholesterol level? Resting heart rate?"
"How many times did you take your driving test?"
"How many carats?"

Well it's not an awesome comeback is it? It's childish and has created much drama so hasn't even worked in this case. But it also comes down to...why would it be rude to know a prospective family member's age? What is rude about it other than in the o.p's head. This site is full of people who prefer drama (and causing drama in other people's life) rather than just getting on with life.

I dislike the reverence that being petty is held on here, most normal people don't have the energy

And how is the magical cure all "trust your gut" benefitted anyone in this situation?

It's you who has the backwards thinking about age. Why would anyone at any age be "pissed off" to say how old they are. It's equally backward of you to think that anyone, you or someone else, is "past it" based on some arbitrary age. Past what???? And because you mind-read this woman's intentions as being trying to probe whether you, indeed, were "past it" (whatever "it" is!), you decided that she had no business knowing whether you were or not. How ridiculous and how sexist both you and your BF are.

If you’ve no interest in marriage, why does it matter that your boyfriend’s family now dislike you?

You still get Id’d?

and you were surprised the Aunt asked your age?

How is asking someone’s age an insult?

It’s like asking what someone does for work or how many kids you’ve got - if you’re easily offended these questions can be turned around to be offensive but usually they are just general questions.

OP has made a twat out of herself for being offended by a perfectly reasonable, inoffensive question.

If the aunt had then gone on to be offensive, fair enough for a bitchy comeback.
But nothing the aunt said was offensive.

I usually hate the term snowflake but being offended by someone asking your age is ridiculous.

I wouldn't say instinct is a 'magical cure all' - more a source of information that anyone might do well to heed. I would hope that OP would benefit from it in the sense of choosing to limit her time with this family, as it doesn't sound a wholesome situation for her.

OP has made a twat out of herself for being offended by a perfectly reasonable, inoffensive question.

There limited and specific genuine reasons for asking someone's age. There is no reason for this nosey aunt asking. It was a nosey question and none of the woman's business.

It’s like asking what someone does for work or how many kids you’ve got

I never ask someone how many children they have. If they want to tell me fine, but otherwise none of my business.

Bravery…! Never heard anything so stupid. She was rude and hasn’t showed an ounce of class. Clearly offended by all and everything.

Why would anyone at any age be "pissed off" to say how old they are

Unless the person asking is a bar tender, policeman, driving instructor or potential sexual partner why the hell are you even asking someone's age? Why on earth do you or nosey aunt need to know?

Asking someone their age is a pretty normal part of a conversation

It really, really, really isn't. There are very limited circumstances where the age of the person you're having a conversation with is relevant.

Well I think in some situations it is, and can imagine in some cultures being in your thirties and unmarried is something to be remarked at negatively, as it once was in the UK. If it’s ok to talk about someone’s age, why not their weight/BMI? At least most people can do something about that if they want.