To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

[HumphreysGang]

Does anyone else have a DH who earns as little as £56,500 salary?
My DH does and it is so difficult to survive financially on his low salary in the SE.
I am surrounded by friends whose husbands all earn well in excess of £100,000+ a year. The difference in lifestyle, including affordability of house size, extensions, cars, holidays, etc. is huge. They are all living the dream and we are struggling to death.
Just wondering if anyone else has a husband on this level of low salary?
And yes I work. 30 hours a week. My money pays for extras. His is the main income to cover the major costs (except it doesn't and we are permanently in the red).
He'll never earn more as he's at top of his salary point.
Nor will I due to our SEN DC and their needs which have severely thwarted my previous plans for career progression.

If your children are teens then there’s no reason you can’t work more than 30 hours, certainly not while moaning about your DH’s wage.

School uniform really should not be costing you “hundreds of pounds every August”. A full uniform is required at the start of primary and secondary, other years it should be items as and when. Certainly no need for anything line hundreds a year.

The current uniform guidance for this year is that schools can only require 3 branded items, the rest had to be generic.

There is a big difference in having enough, which it sounds like you do because your wages pay for extras and living the dream.

If you have a home you can heat/cool, food in the fridge, private transport (in the form of a car or possibly two) you have a lot more than most people on the planet.

Being frustrated that your like is your life is normal from time to time but it helps if you can turn it around and see what you do have, a husband who doesn’t earn that low a salary, children (many don’t get the option or can’t afford even one), a home even if it is small.

If you want to feel the rich one then yes perhaps you need new friends.

What is your net income pcm? What are your outgoings?
ETA ok, yes, you're being screwed on the school uniforms and PE kits, they're outrageous.
Any way of getting good quality 2nd hand school stuff?
Maybe you could economise in other ways to cope with the non-negotiable increases?

You cannot afford your current lifestyle.

If you can’t get more money, they you need to reduce your living costs.

Stop trying to ‘keep up with the Joneses’ when they are in a completely different category of wealth to you.

I am sorry you are struggling - sounds like you have a lot on your plate and things are genuinely much more expensive now than they used to be. But I guess I don't know what you want your husband (or anyone else) to do about it? Do you expect your husband to retrain? Get a second job? Can you work evenings or weekends? Do you get everything your sons are entitled to? DLA? I would be pushing back hard on the school uniform - branded PE kit is nonsense, you could have kitted them out at a supermarket for £30.

Comparing against your very wealthy friends isn't helpful - they are in a different situation because of luck / connections / whatever but that has nothing to do with you and can't solve any of your struggles just now. Certainly £50K is more than most people around me will be earning. If it's a location issue can you do better elsewhere?

You do not have a low income. Stop comparing yourself to others and enjoy what you have

The problem is not the salary, the problem is expectations. You cite a lot of "extras" your friends are able to afford as if a bigger house, extension and newer car has ever made anyone significantly happier. The funny thing about money is that your desires expand to fit whatever budget you have. If your husband earns 100k plus, you are suddenly no longer happy with your extension and new car, you want a bigger car, a swimming pool and a personal chef..
So, again, the issue is not the money.

You can get DLA for kids under the age of 16 the poster has put PIP but you can’t get PIP. You can claim DLA no matter what the income. We earn more than you and claim DLA for our child, no EHCP, it pays for her specialist therapy and special interests.

But how can you complain about his lack of earning power when your own is even less? Surely if he isn't capable of earning more but you are, then you should be the main breadwinner and he should take on more of the responsibility for the kids?

Wow ..... bragging much

I thought 'I'd heard something so googled. Your Head is wrong

The Children’s Wellbeing and Schools Act 2026 (formerly the Bill) introduces statutory limits on branded school uniform items in England, effective from September 2026. Schools are restricted to requiring a maximum of three branded items (such as a blazer, jumper, or sportswear) plus a tie for secondary schools; all other uniform pieces must be generic and available from high-street retailers.

Someone correct me if I have got this wrong

OP I haven’t seen anywhere that you have disclosed your own salary? You seem so focused on what your husband earns and considering you both work I find this unusual, do you blame him for a lot?

But PIP/DLA are not means tested - so you need to look into what you can get for your SEN child

Are you maximising cash back sites for all your purchases? And cash back credit card?

Your husband earns well above the median salary.

However, here are your options:

A) go full time yourself
B) stop comparing yourself to friends with higher earning husbands and stop complaining
C) divorce him and try and find a higher earning husband

You seem a bit focussed on what your DH earns when you clearly earn less - I'd focus on improving your own earnings first.

Men and women have had equal educational opportunities for a long time in the UK yet women continue to refuse to see themselves as capable of providing financially. It drives me nuts!

This made me laugh. That's a good salary and you sound so dismissive of him.

Good lord op I am on a single salary of around 35k in the SE with 2 kids and an ex husband who doesn’t pay maintenance, I do get a small amount of UC and of course CB but that doesn’t go anywhere near your joint salaries. Count your lucky stars for what you have, if you are struggling then look for ways to cut your cloth

It's not the 1950s any more
Get off your arse and earn more if you're not happy with your lifestyle
Your earning potential is the problem here not your DH who's on a good wage

I don’t think your husbands salary is the issue, it’s that your ability to earn well is impacted by your children’s needs.

Why don’t you retrain in a higher paying sector? You aren’t doing too badly if your earnings pay for “ extras” It’s not your husbands job alone to “ provide for the family” How would you feel if he posted a similar thread about how you earn so little??

Get real OP, people can and do survive on far less. Cut your cloth, claim DLA/ PIP for the kids?

Our income is low, we live in an affordable area, I’m medically retired due to cancer. Be grateful you have your health!!

DH earns more per hour than me so not point switching.

in that case, what everyone is trying to point out, is how dare you berate him for not earning enough?!? He earns more per hour than you do! It is him that should be upset by your lack of earning, not you! Your post is so so sexist, it’s unreal.

im sorry to hear about your costs, and I expect your post is off the back of new uniform time, but are they twins going in to year 7? That’s all I can think of of why you would need to buy blazers (plural) every year. My kids got new in year 7, far too big as is standard, and then that was it. New shirts from M&S thereafter, and second hand uniform if they needed anything else. That’s really standard.

your dc are teenagers you say, it’s quite a luxury to be working part time by now.

There is a vast difference between ‘living the dream’ and ‘struggling to death’.
The middle ground is where most are. Getting by on what they have.
Life is not fair. There will always be people who have more than you. Even if you were ‘living the dream’.
Buy different food, have a less fancy car, use less, buy less.
There are people who have much less than you do. As much as there are those who have more.
And please do not over exaggerate. You are not struggling to death.

Law changed Sept 2026 and schools can only insist on 3 branded /logo items or 4 if including a tie so return what you bought extra @HumphreysGang

if you children have high sen that you can’t work extra hours then you will be entitled to dla and careers allowance etc

so check benefit sites

you say your money pays for extras - but always in the red with dh salary

list all your bills and sure someone will be able to reduce them

mortgage extend the term. Lower the payment and overpay even kids are older and you can work more hours

Aspire, yes. But I would bet you won't be happy if your spouse posts about YOU personally needing to earn more in order to finance their preferred lifestyle. If I want something, my first port of call is to think how I can leverage my skills or acquire new ones in order to improve my earning potential. I don't outsource it to my partner to figure out how to make me more financially secure.

Get him to drop to 30 hours he can care for the kids. You pursue your plans for career progression which were severely thwarted ??