To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

[HumphreysGang]

Does anyone else have a DH who earns as little as £56,500 salary?
My DH does and it is so difficult to survive financially on his low salary in the SE.
I am surrounded by friends whose husbands all earn well in excess of £100,000+ a year. The difference in lifestyle, including affordability of house size, extensions, cars, holidays, etc. is huge. They are all living the dream and we are struggling to death.
Just wondering if anyone else has a husband on this level of low salary?
And yes I work. 30 hours a week. My money pays for extras. His is the main income to cover the major costs (except it doesn't and we are permanently in the red).
He'll never earn more as he's at top of his salary point.
Nor will I due to our SEN DC and their needs which have severely thwarted my previous plans for career progression.

You can't be doing too badly if your salary is for 'extras'. If you were really struggling your salary would be going on the electricity bill and council tax.

Have you been away from the UK, OP? You might find this informative: https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/earningsandworkinghours/bulletins/annualsurveyofhoursandearnings/2025#main-points-april-2025

TLDR: His salary is over the national average and well over the UK median salary so yes, lots of us will have husbands who earn 'this little' (to use your terminology).

You might have been better asking for suggestions on ways to increase your own earning potential because there will be options available to you.

Maybe your DH could reduce his hours to 30 and you could up yours to find a job that pays more than his currently does?

You sound a bit spoilt and shallow OP.
That is not a low salary.
It isn't up to your husband to be the main bread winner. This isn't the 1950s.
If you want a higher income it might be your turn to have a go at earning more..

Why are you talking about your husbands salary and not yours? If you think you could do better why not switch positions and have him work around DC?
How do you know what everyone else's husband is earning? Who even talks about that?

Was going to say this…. DLA/PIP is not means tested and could help a little. Has anyone suggested taking ironing in yet?

Why don’t you claim DLA for your kid and get a free Motability car?

You haven't said what he does but that is a top band 7 salary in the NHS which people have worked years towards and is seen as a good salary. Is he a nurse? Is that the issue, most people who earn 100k plus work in the private sector.
If you cant live on that and your salary then you must be trying to keep up with your friends.
And yes, Im in the SE

Have you properly looked into benefits, carers allowance I thought was payable if you care more than 35 hours (so if you do overnight amd weekends), PIP is not dependent on income.

If you think you can have a higher salary than your husband then why doesnt he swap and take a step back / reduced hours and you try and progress your career and salary

Honestly I’d have a little more sympathy if you were talking about affording bills rather than extensions. Yeah tbf it doesn’t go far in the south east but comparison genuinely is the thief of joy. You yourself could have been earning loads of money so I wouldn’t be complaining about your husband here.

Uurgggh, how is one meant to survive on that.
Tell him to get off his arse and get 2nd job so you can keep up with them Jones'

What is stopping you from getting a better job?

DLA is not means-tested. It is there to cover the costs of additional care needed by disabled children in comparison to their peers. The application process can be emotionally painful as you have to present an honest picture of your child on their worst days but it is worth it, not just for the money but because receipt of DLA can then serve as widely-accepted proof of disability to access other support. I would strongly encourage you to apply for all of your DC with SEND.

DH has just been away with a small group of friends from way back - whom he only sees once a year. 2 of them are self made millionaires. DH and the other friend had a similar income to your DH. What was apparent, is that none of them is any happier in retirement than the others. Money doesn't buy happiness.

How much do you earn?

If DH has reached the point in his career where he’s likely to plateau could he take on some more of the childcare? So you can resume your career?

£57k is a really decent salary, far more than most teachers, nurses, office workers etc will ever get paid. It’s a professional salary. If you’re finding it difficult to survive I think you need to either review your lifestyle (move house, downsize, change areas) or take on more work yourself somehow (i.e could you work on the weekends?). On the other hand though, what, specifically, are you doing without at this point in your life?

It’s very damaging to think others are living the dream. It’s very unlikely to be true anyway. You never know what stresses and problems are going on in someone else’s life.

COL has affected the whole country; no one's money is going as far and there are plenty of people in the SE surviving on less than that.

Can you not increase your income then?

I'm a single parent earning £29k, so you'll have to forgive me that I'm struggling to muster up much sympathy.

ETA: Oh and I'm not up north either. Actually closer to London.

Then you are totally out of touch with reality and how a lot of people live.

Also do not underestimate the stress and misery of being the main breadwinner- especially if your partner is dissatisfied. It’s utterly miserable.

You might have to tighten your belt and work more hours yourself. Maybe an evening job when your husband is home.
BTW that’s not a low salary so it’s probably your expenditure that’s not working for you.

I'm sure your husband would be thrilled at you emasculating him on a public forum. I'm sure he does his very best for you and his family.

Don't blame DH. You could get an evening job to increase your hours to F/T.

Combined income £76000 and you cant make it work, give me all your money i will make it work

That's not a low income. It's lower than your friends. I do understand how you feel- literally everyone I know has a lot more money than me, a bigger house, nicer car. They either have higher paying jobs or have inherited. My husband earns less than yours.

Does your husband enjoy his job? Do you? That's the most important thing really.