To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

[HumphreysGang]

Does anyone else have a DH who earns as little as £56,500 salary?
My DH does and it is so difficult to survive financially on his low salary in the SE.
I am surrounded by friends whose husbands all earn well in excess of £100,000+ a year. The difference in lifestyle, including affordability of house size, extensions, cars, holidays, etc. is huge. They are all living the dream and we are struggling to death.
Just wondering if anyone else has a husband on this level of low salary?
And yes I work. 30 hours a week. My money pays for extras. His is the main income to cover the major costs (except it doesn't and we are permanently in the red).
He'll never earn more as he's at top of his salary point.
Nor will I due to our SEN DC and their needs which have severely thwarted my previous plans for career progression.

So, given the average salary is around £39K in the UK, this - Does anyone else have a DH who earns as little as £56,500 salary? - would appear to be an especially fucking stupid question.

Would moving to a more affordable part of the UK be an option? Your husband earns a higher than average salary, but when house prices are so high, it does make life very difficult.

That is a brilliant answer! 👏

Start hanging out with poor people and you’ll feel rich.

It’s not that low. We’re in the south east and my DH earns similar. Difference is so do I so we have a decent household income. If you want a bigger income then you need to find ways to do that. What would your career progression be like? Could your DH drop a day and you do more hours if you could earn more?

You aren't poor, OP, you just need new poorer friends.

Simply, your income isn't for extras when your main costs are not even covered. Your income is as important as his.

My husband earns 40k and supports a family of 5, also live in an expensive area in the south. Comparison really is the thief of joy. We do okay but I'd be over the moon with your combined salary 🤷

It's a very old-fashioned attitude to assume that the man should earn more. I've always earned double my husband. Yes I feel the pressure of being the main breadwinner, but as long as we've got enough between us, then what should it matter? If you don't feel you have enough, then you are both responsible for doing something about it. Either you look for a better paid job, or you cut your cloth accordingly to what you've got coming in between you.

Your husband's salary is our total household income 😂

Stop comparing yourself to others. Not sure why you see it as he should be the breadwinner while your money is just for extras.

That’s just nasty. Why can’t anyone ever read between the lines a bit? A lot of the time these men want to be in charge of the household and control everything because they’re the ‘breadwinner’ and they don’t realise that the woman is doing everything at home plus bringing in money and it can feel shit. We don’t know but he might be more than capable
of increasing his income and just wants to coast whilst his wife does everything.

The idea that a woman needs to be ‘top tier’ to have a husband with a big salary is gross btw. And that’s coming from someone who out earns her OH.

OP, statistically, a £53k salary puts an individual comfortably in the top 25% of UK earners, well above the national full-time median of around £38k.

Perhaps you can't afford the lifestyle you feel you need and deserve. Cut your cloth, manage your expectations, and perhaps get some new friends.

@HumphreysGang Having less money means you can’t over consume like your friends do! Think of the planet!!

Perhaps the problem is you keep spending your wage on “extras” when the bills aren’t covered? You would feel a lot better off if you weren’t regularly getting into debt.

If you have 2 incomes and 1 of them is just used for "extras" then you're doing fine! Excuse me whilst I seethe at you thinking 53k is low 🤔 😏 😳

It's the housing costs. If your mortgage is £2k a month (which it is on say a 400k house/flat over 35 years at current rates) then that is a big chunk.

I'm in the SW and our mortgage is a third of that.

DH earns 40k and we manage. It is tight but we also have a lot of stuff we don’t need (tv subscriptions, eat out a lot ect) so we could cut back and be more comfortable.. but where’s the fun in that 🤣

Well he’s earning £6,000 a year more than a teacher or nurse at the top of their pay grade with a London weighting (£4000 more than a teacher with inner London weighting). I know they are considered underpaid for the work they do, but it’s a lot more than the mlw and less than your husband earns.
You may have difficult time with a special needs child- dependent on what those special needs are… does your child need 24 hour care? Turning at night? Peg feeding? Disability aids, daily meditation, moving and handling and therapy? Those things do take a lot of time so it’s understandable that you can only do 30 hours paid work- but you will also get benefits and and other for them even though you won’t get carer allowance.

That is mine and DP’s income combined

Lol , this 🤣

Maybe he should leave you and you can live on your salary, I'm assuming you wouldn't say no to his pitiful salary then...

My husband earns less than this I’m and I currently don’t work. We’re not living a life of luxury but we’re just fine and have a nice life and fun days out as a family. We have 1 car, a small house but it’s all we need currently.

You haven't said what he does for a living but assuming he works hard, maybe commutes, perhaps a bit of overtime, and does his fair share with the home, kids and you, tbh you sound ungrateful.

Id be interested to know how you would feel if the roles were reversed and he was complaining about you on internet

Why is it he can increase his salary but you can’t? If he’s at the “top of his pay scale” he presumably does something which only has mid earning potential in the first place. What do you think he should do?

PIP for your DC?. If you can't afford your life then make it less expensive. You could move to a much cheaper area.