AIBU to think it’s rude to ask no questions?

[PestoPastaLife]

We just got back from visiting an older relative - older, but not “elderly” ie still working, active social life, fully compos mentis etc, but I mention older in case it’s a generational thing. Anyway, in the course of three hours he asked only one question “how are you?” and otherwise I had to make all the effort to sustain the conversation.

It made me think about a few other times over the years when I’ve met someone who has asked me no questions and I end up wondering why the conversation feels like an interview and/or why they find me so incredibly dull they can’t be bothered to ask anything!

Now I’m wondering whether some people regard asking questions as rude in principle? But in that case, does a conversation just become two people making polite statements about themselves (which I ended up doing a few times today)?

YANBU: good conversation involves two people asking each other questions
YABU: silence is golden, stop interrogating people

I detest being asked questions.

My ex would fire questions at me all day long. Exhausting. I want to weep at the memory.

I know a couple of people like this. Varied ages. It’s exhausting and tbh I just give up. One likes to talk about themselves and not ask questions back. So then there’s silence when I can’t be bothered asking more. The other one is just more shy I think and struggles with conversation.

So how does a conversation work for you? I’m genuinely interested.

Asking questions shows interest and keeps the conversation flowing. I agree and think it is rude to not ask questions, shows disinterest.

I'm really bad at listening properly and thinking of questions to ask at the same time. I can do one or the other. Luckily I don't really socialise!

I don’t mind being asked questions but I have to make a really big effort to ask questions when making idle chit chat in the office because if I’m being really honest I mainly don’t give a fuck about most information people have to tell me and find it exhausting at times.

I don’t talk about myself a lot so it’s not even like I’m self centred.

Was a conversation necessary? Did he actually want you to visit him? Or were you there out of a sense of duty?

Have you watched this?
www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001vvg0

It’s just a lack of communication skills I think,
I remember doing a module on communication skills as part of my degree and much of what they were saying was quite enlightening to me as a teenager re: ask people open ended questions etc, they even made us do exercises such as act really distracted and look for our phone in our bag and then see how it felt to be the person who was trying to have a conversation with that person. I suppose some people just pick it all up naturally or parents actively teach these skills. For example I always used to tell my DD to think about whether what she was saying would make someone feel happy or sad. Maybe he just never got any of that

I really struggle to ask questions as I feel im being rude and intrusive. Im trying to chnage but its hard

Edit

Might just be their way of being polite. Some people think asking lots of questions can be intrusive. I don’t like asking questions and prefer to wait until someone feels comfortable offering information about themselves so I don’t end up asking them about things they don’t want to share.

I know a few older people, in particular older men, like this.

Back in the 90s I joined an old-fashioned dating agency, it was pretty daft, and they introduced me to a man who was an actor. He rang me. We spoke for about 40 minutes - 39 minutes too long. For the entire time we were on the phone he did not ask me a single question about myself. Not one. He learned nothing about me. If I hadn’t driven the conversation by asking him stuff we’d have just been sitting listening to each other breathe. I mean… it was so obvious why he was single. It was gross. And tiring. And weird as fuck.

Some people just arent interested and I find as I get older I also care less. SORRY

I like to chit chat about life in general, the world around me, interesting facts or information. I dont like talking about myself, hate being asked questions, in fact I probably wouldnt notice if someone didnt ask me questions about myself. I therefore dont like and am not inclined to ask people about themselves.

It is very rude, yes.

Obviously firing questions at people is rude too, but most adults do learn how to ask a question politely and show some interest.

@PestoPastaLife
I have relatives like this. It’s hard work, but ultimately, I believe in letting people “be as they are” so I try and put that into practice.
My relatives are good people, but have very little interest in anything outside of their own interests.
They don’t talk much when I’m not there, and they are happy like that, so it’s just the way they feel the most comfortable I suppose.

Some people just love to talk about themselves and aren’t too interested in other people I’ve found! I have met lots of people like this!

I’d have been very happy with questions like “have you been on holiday this summer?” or “oh did you see on the news XYZ?” I’m not looking for personal deep dives! But if you literally don’t ask questions then I feel it turns into two people making announcements rather than an actual conversation.

My MIl is like this!

The real skill is to ask non personal open ended questions.

I get that people hate “small talk” but it is really rude not to make some effort with someone you know! I had a friend from work who I thought was quite a good friend (we hung out outside of work, went on holiday together once). But in the 3 years we were friends I don’t think she asked me anything about myself. I knew everything about her, her family, her various relationship dramas. She knew nothing about me and never asked me about anything to do with my life. Unsurprisingly we are no longer friends.

And I am quite introverted but it is rude to be in a casual social situation and not make some effort to chit chat about neutral subjects and show some interest in the person you are with - it’s what oils the wheels of a functioning human society - in my opinion at least!

My MIL is like this. Always just transmits at us, never asks me anything about myself. It’s rude and selfish in my opinion. A conversation should be two ways.

Selfish gobshites are like this all of the time. There's a few where I work