AIBU to change schools over my husband helping a neighbour?

[Schoolchanging]

Dh had always done school drop off and pick up due to my work hours and over the last 18 months I’d got increasingly irritated by him walking with or giving a lift to a neighbour whose child goes to the same school.

So I decided we would change dc to a different school a little further away and they are due to start there in a couple of weeks.

I didn’t want to spend time on discussions and boundaries and wanted to just eliminate the stress on our relationship. I told him I wasn’t comfortable that I’d asked him to stop and as he wasn’t I was changing schools to which he said ‘fine that’s your choice’. Dc are ok about it as we know people who go to the new school as well.

Neighbour has just spoken to us as we were leaving at the same time and she said to dh ‘back to the usual routine soon then!’ And I said ‘actually no, dc are going to be at a different school so all change for us !’ To which she turned to dh and said ‘why haven’t you told me this already?’ Which I found odd.

How's changing schools actually stopping anything, I'm sure they weren't walking along holding hands in front of DCs, and she lives nearby he could pop round every lunch time if he wanted to. Or are you going to move house too? What about the next neighbour he says hello to? Are you sure he's not shagging the checkout lady at Asda when he goes to buy milk? Maybe it's just best if he never leaves the house.

This cannot be true!!! you’re poor kids having to be uprooted because of your nonsense. (Unless there is a big drip feed here and your H has been shagging the neighbour!!)

He has other female friends and colleagues. It’s just one person I have an issue with. She’s overbearing and intense and he seems to just want to spend time with her and I don’t like it.
Plus I want to start doing the school run and new school is near my work as I’ve felt like I’m missing out not doing it.

Your behaviour is very extreme and irrational. You haven't spent a second thinking about how moving schools will impact your children. It's all about you and your irritation. You didn't want to speak to your husband about boundaries, so you chose to change schools? Who does that? Are you incapable of holding a mature conversation with your husband? And what happens if something similar occurs in the new school?

This cannot be real (I hope for the DC sake)

Surely you’d have been better moving house though as she is still your neighbour?

but yes yabu

You're not mad to trust your gut feelings but you are mad to change your kids' school - that won't change anything. If there was something to be suspicious about they can still see each other any time they want.

You've completely prioritised yourself over your children. You've completely overreacted.

The only contact was due to school so it’s a lot easier to change schools than sell our house !

The dc have friends at the new school too and it’s actually a better and bigger school with better wraparound care so it will be a benefit in the long run.

Extreme reaction, just glad the new school turns out to be good for your child.

I hope the house is up for sale too because you are definitely under reacting if all you’ve done is move the kids’ schools. She’s a NEIGHBOUR. He’ll see her at home if not at the school!

In fact, it might be worth starting your own affair now just to even the score.

This is actually mental.

There's children in this relationship too who should take priority over adult idiocy.

Makes absolutely no sense.

If I was your partner I would really put my ducks in a row.

This is the thing he hasn’t though, it’s just been school run contact which he wouldn’t stop so I said fine I will sort out changing schools then. He didn’t push back at all. He’s at work every day , it’s not like she’s come round when I’m not there etc and I’m some ways I do think the new school will be better for dc anyway. He has far more contact with other friends and colleagues and I get no bad feeling whatsoever from any of them it’s just this one person and I can’t even say exactly why its just a bad feeling and I needed to just do something to stop the stress

I fear my sarcasm didn’t come across enough.

Parent speaking to another parent and carpooling the school run does not warrant any sort of reaction from anyone - it’s a very normal thing to happen (much less selling a house or moving schools).

But this isn’t going to make that problem go away.

You have a trust issue in relation to your husband and this woman. Have you told him his relationship with her makes you uncomfortable?

I have no idea if he is behaving inappropriately with her or if its in your head but this is the issue, not the school run. You need to confront the issues in the marriage rather than tinkering around the edges trying to control other things in your environment which he can get around if he does want to cheat.

If he wants to sleep with her, he’ll do it no matter what school your kids go to.

Your behaviour is crazy. If you are going to the same place together at the same time it can make sense to go together.

And yet you went for the original school. Of course you've told yourself the other one us better to justify your decision. An entirely self centred decision.

Moving your children to a different school based on a vague “bad feeling” was a thoroughly unhinged decision. Lunacy.

@Schoolchanging Moving your children to a different school because you don't like your husband speaking to women is absolutely insane.

If this is something that you are sensitive about that stresses you, then you should have had a relationship with a man who does not speak to women. Instead, you chose a man who talks to other women and has friendships with them. That was your decision and your choice.

Neighbour has just spoken to us as we were leaving at the same time and she said to dh ‘back to the usual routine soon then!’ And I said ‘actually no, dc are going to be at a different school so all change for us !’ To which she turned to dh and said ‘why haven’t you told me this already?’ Which I found odd.

How on earth is that strange?

1. Woman was expecting a return to a familiar routine.
2. She was suddenly told that the routine won't be happening.
3. She expresses surprise and asks why she wasn't told.

So you found it odd that a woman said something that was completely normal and expected in every way?

There has to be a bcakstory here? It's pretty extreme to change schools because your husband is friendly with another woman? I often walk the kids to school with the Dad from a family on my street. It hasn't occurred ro my husband to have an issue with this, letalone move the kids to a different school to stop it. Why does your marriage have these trust issues, has your DH cheated in the past?

I think you have female intuition and you used it. It was in that territory.

You are incredibly selfish, paranoid and controlling. Not to mention batshit. Where are your children’s best interests in all of this? Bottom of the pile. Those poor kids.