AIBU to think my husband is lying about another school mum?

[Ailiss]

So, I have woken up this morning to a fairly devastating message and my husband is not helping at all.
To cut a long story short, I have woken up to a message from one of the mums at DS's school telling me that both on Friday when she dropped her DD off (Scotland so we went back last week), and yesterday when she dropped her DD off at Gymnastics and went to sit in her car (DS goes to gymnastics too), my DH made some sexual advances on her.
She didn't elaborate, I have asked her to but she messaged around 9pm last night and I only just saw it when I woke up this morning, so she might be busy this morning and just hasn't seen my reply.
I asked DH for more info, and he said thats just not true. He claims he hardly spoke to her on Friday, and yesterday when he saw her parked up offered to buy her a coffee, so he did then they sat in her car together, he claims nothing else happened.
However last year he did make a joke about some of the mums of DS's friends being "smoking hot, 10/10s".
I know this woman fairly well, she is married, but much younger than us, maybe mid-20s, DH and I are knocking on 40. I actually went to school with her older brother and remember her when she was very small!

AIBU to think DH is just lying to me? What would she get out of sending me that if it wasn't true?

Your lying husband's creeping on younger women, even the school mums that know he's married to you.

He's an opportunistic predatory creep. The bit with just getting in her car, he probably scared her.

Get your affairs in order, copies of all financials, lawyer up. I'd divorce over this.

When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

He's a creep who is testing the waters.

“If I said anything like that it wasn’t meant to be flirty” 🤔

I agree with you OP. I can’t see a reason why she would lie. But obviously if she’s not lying he’s got all the reason in the world to lie.

I unfortunately would believe her. I’m sorry.

My first thought would be deep suspicion. I would have to hear the finer details to reach a firm conclusion but I don’t believe this woman has anything to gain from lying.

Would it be ok if she was the same age then? Can't see what age has got to do with it.

100 per cent. With a baby in the car. Wrong on so many levels

Sorry you're going through this.

I am pleased the other mum spoke up and felt able to tell you.

If hes done it to her theres a good chance hes done it to others before. As others say, I would keep your head down, get your finances and life admin in order, you dont have to leave, you do you, but you'll know where you stand.

A violation of her personal space let alone the sexist sleaze he was meant to have come out with. 🤮

This

I agree the thought of her sitting there just after giving birth weeks ago and he climbing into her car, it’s absolutely disgusting me.

He's also preying on a young woman who is 3 months postpartum and had her young infant with her. She's still in the fourth trimester.

She's extremely vulnerable.

It wouldn't be ok but I'm also pushing 40 and the fact this utter sleazeball is coming onto a young woman in her 20s is gross, I agree with the PP. A 25 year old to me seems almost like a teenager. Nowadays I'd have told OP's husband to fuck off but when I was in my 20s I wasn't as confident and I can imagine I'd have played nice and done the same as this young woman in the circumstances, it's what young women are conditioned to do.

His chat up lines are misogynistic, he forced his way into her car like a predator and doesn't care that they're both married and her baby was in the car. He is absolutely disgusting! What does he think a young, attractive 20 something would see in him anyway.... he'll be practically middle aged to her!

I'm surprised at how many people think this is a police matter. His behaviour is shocking and unacceptable but the way the two women involved are handling it seems really smart to me. But perhaps I'm so desensitised to scummy male behaviour that I can't distinguish between inappropriate and criminal.

No way I'd be saying "where?" In reply to a kid activity dad saying "I know where that skirt would look good", still less would I take a coffee off him the day after and tell him about my hobbies. Saying "but we're married" is like going "oh, behave!" It is not shutting it down at all. She's either very naive, a bit of a troublemaker, and/or was happy to flirt mildly until he made it clear he would progress it and she panicked. Your husband is a massive creep as well though, he was clearly trying it on and yes this won't be the first time. He should not be chatting up mums or getting in their cars, it's very intrusive.

A 20 year old is likely to feel more vulnerable and scared by a 40 year old man. Which is why he chose her to prey on. He’d have been coming home with teeth missing if he’d have tried this with most women his age

^^ I’m thinking this too

Yeah just imagine if you were accused of propositioning a school dad.

Your immediate reaction would be absolute fury. Indignant rage. 'What?! Why the fuck would he say that about me? What a nutter! I can't believe he'd allege that..' etc etc.

Rather than a very calm and measured response. If someone was telling lies about your fidelity you'd be extremely pissed off. He wasn't.

She's married with 2 kids though. Not an easily intimidated teenager.
Most 20 somethings are well able to tell unwanted men to get lost. Though they shouldn't have to, obviously.

That’s utterly ridiculous

The main reason people lie like this, would be to split you up and nab him for herself.

Id bet my house she’s telling the truth though and is not interested in your DH, but wants you to know what a scuzzball he is.

Me 3

Ah yes didn’t pick up on that. Hmm.

Urgh. I have the ick just reading that. Didn’t realise anyone still used that bedroom floor line since around 1998.

I know what you mean. It’s possible she didn’t twig where he was going and maybe thought he was going to say something different. It’s not the usual form for that sentiment (which is just usually “that skirt would look better on my bedroom floor”).

But it’s also possible, given the other stuff she went along with that she just thought it was harmless flirting, until it went too far. Then she doesn’t want to admit she was sort of flirting back because that would look like she’d encouraged it (which maybe she did but without thinking he’d actually act on it).

A good man, learning he has made someone deeply uncomfortable, would be ashamed and would apologise. He didn’t. Nope.

Did you notice he made it HER fault? He can’t have said this. He never had had intentions etc…
Sonshe is the one who is making g a mountain out if a molehill. Classic predatory reaction