AIBU to think my husband is lying about another school mum?

[Ailiss]

So, I have woken up this morning to a fairly devastating message and my husband is not helping at all.
To cut a long story short, I have woken up to a message from one of the mums at DS's school telling me that both on Friday when she dropped her DD off (Scotland so we went back last week), and yesterday when she dropped her DD off at Gymnastics and went to sit in her car (DS goes to gymnastics too), my DH made some sexual advances on her.
She didn't elaborate, I have asked her to but she messaged around 9pm last night and I only just saw it when I woke up this morning, so she might be busy this morning and just hasn't seen my reply.
I asked DH for more info, and he said thats just not true. He claims he hardly spoke to her on Friday, and yesterday when he saw her parked up offered to buy her a coffee, so he did then they sat in her car together, he claims nothing else happened.
However last year he did make a joke about some of the mums of DS's friends being "smoking hot, 10/10s".
I know this woman fairly well, she is married, but much younger than us, maybe mid-20s, DH and I are knocking on 40. I actually went to school with her older brother and remember her when she was very small!

AIBU to think DH is just lying to me? What would she get out of sending me that if it wasn't true?

That's just batshite! Maybe that's what YOU would do, but a reasonable and decent woman who values herself would let a wife know if her DH was making untoward remarks and making the woman uncomfortable.

But we know that THAT scenario did not happen. If it had, the DH would have offered it as the explanation.

Get him one of those booklets that get handed to immigrants - the one that points out sexual harassment is a crime & unacceptable in this society.

Even if the other mum was ok with a bit of cheeky banter, it escalating to him buying a coffee and getting in her car when she was alone with her baby is clearly a step too far for her and made her uncomfortable.
She's drawing a boundary and the DH needs to be told very clearly to leave this woman alone.

He sounds like an absolute creep. This will not be the first time he’s pushed himself on another woman if he’s willing to do it with a tiny baby in the car.

I always like to give benefit of doubt, but I believe her and he is lying !

If the woman is lying to bag the dh, she is still taking a risk.

If the dh is a good man a good man and theres nothing to see, hed be horrified. Both a the lie and at possibly making her uncomfortable.
His reaction would have calm the OP immediately. Yes it’s a lie.

But he didn’t.

And if the idea is to split the OP and her dh, who, with a bit if sense, would start somethimg with someone who lied to get what they want. Isn’t that a huge red flag in the first place?

Why on earth would you post without bothering to read all the OP's posts?

You need to read the OP's updates. The lady explained exactly how the husband engineered it.

This. What a pervy creep. And a gaslighter to boot.

You’d be a fool to believe him. Honestly. I’ve got a feeling you will though and this will greenlight worse behaviour from him and you’ll waste some more years on him and live with regret. It’s almost inevitable. I feel sad for you. This happened to my friend. She didn’t leave her man until she was nearly 60.

why would he get her a coffee and then sit in her car with her ?
That is overstepping.
And those remarks about her skirt …ugh no .
The only time a dad bought me a coffee was when my oldest daughter had a block of daily swim lessons at the beach .
I had my daughter in her lesson , baby in her pushchair and was all prepared with biscuits and a flask of coffee sat at the beach in shade .
This dad wasn’t prepared but didn’t want to wander off and buy coffee from the kiosk as he’d miss watching his daughters swim .
So I gave him a cup of coffee and some biscuits each day and we chatted .
At the end of the week he said if I didn’t mind watching his daughters he owed me a cappuccino and a muffin .
No flirting nothing untoward at all

He's admitted to sitting in her car, which in itself is weird unless they're very close friends. So the rest is likely true too.

Yes we can all think of these things afterwards. It’s a long time since I had a three month old baby but I was definitely not firing on all cylinders. I was in absolute bits.
With older children and dropping them into classes with a tiny baby asleep in the back of her car, maybe I would cut her a bit of slack for not reacting to the creepy perv the way she should have done in the full of her health.

i myself have been totally shocked at how low an opportunistic man would sink and not reacted well.

But I still think it’s utterly revolting a man making comments at any woman, and getting into her car!!!!! but especially a mother who has just given birth is all absolutely predatory and sick.

Exactly!! How low can you go.

Someone’s probably already asked, but did he already tell you he’d bought her a coffee and sat in her car?

Leave @Voneska alone. She is a 'MATURE WOMAN' HONEY! 😂

That’s a great question.

Deleted.

Eww. He's not only a potential cheat, but he's basically a sexual harasser. He's invaded that poor woman's personal space, having already made sleazy and totally inappropriate remarks to her.
Christ, if my husband made that comment about her skirt looking better on his bedroom floor, I wouldn't be wasting my time finding out what else he's been doing - on it own, that is gross and enough to turf him out!
Honestly you deserve better. He's sleazy AF and had publicly humiliated you.

Well, you have all the info you need

He got into her car to drink his coffee?
He selected her to buy a drink she had not requested, had turned down?

You know he was being a sleaze

Best of luck deciding how you want to deal with that

Your husband bought coffee and sat in a school mums car to chat? I would lose my sh*t.

Why on earth would he go and buy a school mother a coffee and sit in her car?!?

Something definitely fishy here.

Not RTFT but, to those saying his lack of reaction is a red flag, I agree in general but for some people it wouldn't be.

OP, you know your DH, is he generally non-reactive, unexcitable etc?

I am a very stoic person. It is just the way I was brought up. Something quite drastic, exciting, dangerous even could happen and I remain calm, to a fault at times! I know a lot of people from middle-class or upper-class backgrounds are like this, is he? I am very much not, by the way but it is just a result of my upbringing, it can be for many different reasons. If he is normally quick to react and is acting very rational, that is the red flag. But if he is normally more like me, it may well not be.

He basically made her feel like she couldn't say no. He decided that he wanted to talk to her and so he invited himself into her car. The arrogance alone at deciding it's okay to interrupt someone's privacy because he wanted to talk to her. He didn't really care much about her comfort. And that's before you get into what he's said to her.
If she tells her husband, I'd be expecting a visit.