AIBU to think my husband is lying about another school mum?

[Ailiss]

So, I have woken up this morning to a fairly devastating message and my husband is not helping at all.
To cut a long story short, I have woken up to a message from one of the mums at DS's school telling me that both on Friday when she dropped her DD off (Scotland so we went back last week), and yesterday when she dropped her DD off at Gymnastics and went to sit in her car (DS goes to gymnastics too), my DH made some sexual advances on her.
She didn't elaborate, I have asked her to but she messaged around 9pm last night and I only just saw it when I woke up this morning, so she might be busy this morning and just hasn't seen my reply.
I asked DH for more info, and he said thats just not true. He claims he hardly spoke to her on Friday, and yesterday when he saw her parked up offered to buy her a coffee, so he did then they sat in her car together, he claims nothing else happened.
However last year he did make a joke about some of the mums of DS's friends being "smoking hot, 10/10s".
I know this woman fairly well, she is married, but much younger than us, maybe mid-20s, DH and I are knocking on 40. I actually went to school with her older brother and remember her when she was very small!

AIBU to think DH is just lying to me? What would she get out of sending me that if it wasn't true?

💯

How does he feel about it? My DH would be really upset and embarrassed if a woman had thought this of him. He'd be very apologetic to her. Because he'd obviously never mean anything to be flirty or suggestive.

What a creep. And she really must be young if she's not heard the "lovely dress, it would look great on my bedroom floor" line or any of its variations. I've actually never heard anyone use it seriously. I'm creeped out from here, she must have been shaking. And with the baby in the back!

I believe every word this woman said. I am sorry OP.

My thoughts too, that’s exactly how DH would respond.

Your DH is a creep, OP. God knows how many other school mums he’s done this to because very few would actually tell you, I know I wouldn’t, I couldn’t be doing with the drama.

It would be over for me. It’s the hitting on school mums, specifically for me. How humiliating. You don’t shit where you eat.

Sorry, report him to what? I mean she has 'reported' him - she's rightly told OP.

Intrigued to know where you'd be taking your report...

Oh dear, his response isn’t good. The “if I did say something like that then….” Reads like an admission. Surely you’d just deny it if you said nothing inappropriate?

Sexual harassment, harassment of any kind, can be reported to the police. Especially if it is causing alarm, and happening in front of her children.

The police exits to help prevent crimes, as well as arresting after the fact. I’m in a small town in Scotland so maybe it’s different but here, they’d take the report at our local station and a community officer would go round and speak to the man to warn him off any further harassment or comments.

If you, without any doubt believe that your DH has been harassing this woman and he's denied it you get to decide next move where your marriage is concerned.

You arrange to see a solicitor and end it, showing that you will not put up with your DH behaving as is accused.
Or
You stay, tell him he's never to go near her or make any remarks of that nature to any woman in future and never mention it between you again.

If she is telling the truth, you'd have found out he's capable of standing in front of you lying to your face.

If by chance he is telling the truth and she is lying he'd have found out how little trust you have for him.

Either way you'll both learn from this.

She sounds very decent OP, as do you. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this bullshit and hope you have support in real life too.

Only you can decide what you think is tolerable in your own marriage but you do deserve not to have your husband commenting TO YOU on other women's 'hotness'. That's so fucking disrespectful before you even get to his antics over the weekend.

Report him to the police for entering her car without her permission and making multiple sexual comments to her in front of a child? He’s a fucking creep and belongs on a register.

Sorry but if I was a younger woman and a married man had repeatedly made unwanted sexual comments, touched me without my permission and forced his way into my car with my baby in, again without asking permission, then yes he would be reported.
It's harassment if it's unwanted, which in this situation it clearly is.
He needs to back off unless he wants to be on the sex offenders register.

Seeing your updates, she sounds believable to me. Your husband sounds like a creep 🤮 do you really think he was just being 'friendly'? Getting into her car without being invited is crossing a line if you ask me, it's intimidating.

I actually forgot about the touching part as well. Getting handset on top of the comments about wanting to take her skirt off and trapping her in her car as she didn’t want to make a scene in front of the children. He’s an actual predator

Does you DH know this young mum well?
Because if a man i didnt know bought me coffee and sat in my car i would think it inappropriate from the get go.
Also i think you DH has more reason to lie than this mum so i think you were unwise to broach it with him without investigating further first. Why would she lie about this? Its obvious why he might.

“So you’re flexible? Shame you’re married…..” is straight up creepy, sleazy bastard territory.
There’s also no way it could be a joke towards a woman you barely know. It’s not funny for a start.
Id be furious and mortified.
Tbf most men would not dream of commenting on women’s appearance in front of their wives, how disrespectful to you.

What’s your plan OP?

Sounds like hes lucky she told you, and not her husband, maybe he won't be so lucky next time,

are you OPs husband?

bonkers post

Horrible man. I agree with PP, have a good hard think about the life you want for yourself and DC. Share none of your thinking process with your lying DH. Time to pay an exploratory visit to a solicitor.

No school mum is going to put herself in the firing line like this. She’s taken a huge risk and done you a real solid.

you’re husband is a liar. I hope you’re okay.

This sounds like the plot of a badly written tv show.

Somebody is definitely full of shit but I'm unsure who.

I believe her. He’s at it, minimising, deflecting and I’d never trust him again. She’s let you know, knowing you’ll have a word and hoping she won’t have to go through it again, now he knows she will tell you.
Good for her

Exactly this.
Not all police are shit like the Met.
Many police officers are decent and would take a report like this very seriously.
I feel so sorry for her.
Sitting in her car with her baby feeling safe and him imposing on her and pushing his way into her space.
This is what predators do.
This is why women like me tell my daughters not to fear being rude and offending men.
Predators are counting on women being polite.
He also touched her and made her feel uncomfortable.

He wasn't one bit surprised at what she said.
He also asked what exactly she had said.

I didnt say it but if I did it wasnt...

He is full of shit.
He absolutely said it.
He just never expected her to tell you.
That poor woman. She must have felt very unsafe.

I think this young woman probably sent a small sense of security at first here as there is a bit of a family connection even if it’s tenuous.
Women of deem like they don’t want to be too over-protective so when this has knocked on the window and really pressed her to accept a hot drink, she’s been polite.
Sadly he sounds like one of those men who overestimates his own attractiveness and thinks every woman is ‘up for it’ when he hands out his cringe-worthy comments.
She now probably feels both upset and awkward and has done the right thing here.