AIBU to think my husband is lying about another school mum?

[Ailiss]

So, I have woken up this morning to a fairly devastating message and my husband is not helping at all.
To cut a long story short, I have woken up to a message from one of the mums at DS's school telling me that both on Friday when she dropped her DD off (Scotland so we went back last week), and yesterday when she dropped her DD off at Gymnastics and went to sit in her car (DS goes to gymnastics too), my DH made some sexual advances on her.
She didn't elaborate, I have asked her to but she messaged around 9pm last night and I only just saw it when I woke up this morning, so she might be busy this morning and just hasn't seen my reply.
I asked DH for more info, and he said thats just not true. He claims he hardly spoke to her on Friday, and yesterday when he saw her parked up offered to buy her a coffee, so he did then they sat in her car together, he claims nothing else happened.
However last year he did make a joke about some of the mums of DS's friends being "smoking hot, 10/10s".
I know this woman fairly well, she is married, but much younger than us, maybe mid-20s, DH and I are knocking on 40. I actually went to school with her older brother and remember her when she was very small!

AIBU to think DH is just lying to me? What would she get out of sending me that if it wasn't true?

Poor woman with a sleeping 3 month old infant in the back of her car, doing all her jobs and getting 5 minutes to herself and your absolute dose of a husband intruded on her.

He is a thick fucker and also an opportunist.

Thats the 2 kindest things I can say about him.

I take it back.
She has a 3 month old baby. And he sat into her car and commented on her clothes. He is an absolute low life.

She's had a chat with her husband/partner about this, you can be absolutely sure about that. A three months old in the back seat 😯

He certainly has to keep his distance from now on and apologise to you. At the very minimum. He should not approach her to apologise but do it through you.

Then assess your marriage.

"If he said anything similar it wasn’t meant as flirty"??

There is absolutely no way anything at all similar that could be anything but flirty! If he’d said "That’s ridiculous, all I talked about was the weather (or similar)” I suppose you might believe him, but the fact that he doesn’t deny saying something "similar" to what she alleges makes me think she is telling the truth. Even if it was something "similar" that’s just as bad. He sounds vile.

Let it drop with him, let him think you’ve forgotten about it. And investigate. Meet up with her, she will tell you more in person than she is prepared to put in writing. The simplest answer is usually the correct one. What on earth would a young woman get out of messaging you to make a false allegation? Do you think that is more likely, that she is making a (very serious) false allegation, or that your husband is lying and he did actually make advances towards her? It’s very rare for women to make false allegations, but very common for men to harass women. So statistically speaking I would believe this young woman.

If this woman is not insane or a massive shit stirring weirdo in general (which is not the vibe you give) she is telling the truth. She has nothing to gain by lying and as someone said upthread, attractive women in their mid 20s don’t tend to lie about being hit on by men in their 40s…because it’s hardly a rare occurrence!

What?!?

Does the woman have a partner? I’d be worried he was going to come knocking on you door!

Yeah I believe her, Dh would only be sitting in a car with a woman having a coffee if they were close friends and even then I think he would feel weird and want to just sit in a coffee shop. Sorry OP your husband is a twat and he put that poor woman in a really uncomfortable position and good on her for telling you. It can’t have been easy for her to do either.

Sorry x

You know he did it OP. You’ve been honest with him and all he has done is minimise his actions without acknowledging the impact on her or you. He isn’t feeling embarrassed or guilty that he made her uncomfortable? He isn’t truly sorry you’ve had to deal with this and wants to make it right? He doesn’t show any signs of wanting to learn how not to do this in the future?

nope, because he’s a creep and feels entitled to make women feel like shit.

the school mum sounds lovely. Bin him off and make friends with her x

If my first thought is he’s guilty then we wouldn’t have a relationship would we? My first thought would be she’s confused my dh or made it up. Would you not believe your dh!?

The thing is OP you clearly think it’s a possibility. If someone said this about my DH I’d fall about laughing as it’s a ludicrous suggestion. OP you’re considering it might be true - that’s it really for the marriage because there is no depth of trust. Perhaps, you can go on but you’ll be looking over your shoulder, checking credit card bills for the rest of your life. That lads night out? You’re checking his clothes when he gets back.
Perhaps you need time to get your proverbial ducks in a row but I think your relationship is circling the drain.
I’m so sorry I have to type this and so sorry you are living through it.

He's a total predator.
If a father of one of my daughters friends behaved like that, I would be avoiding the family and warning others.
I'm so sorry for you OP, but this is not a good man.
He's a total sleaze.
Protect yourself.

.

It clearly did happen exactly as she said.

He is a vile sleaze ball and is guilty AF
Shameless he goat

Your husband is gross and is harassing a younger, married woman.
Really sorry OP.

He needs to leave that poor young woman alone, I'd be reporting him for sexual harassment if it was me.
That's what this is.. Sexual harassment, also he sounds very guilty.
Trust would be gone for me.

He really went with the line of “I didn’t say that… but if I did, then I didn’t mean it like that.”

@Ailiss He very clearly did say what she is claiming. He also pretty much forced himself into her car, and women are conditioned to try and politely get through those situations, epically when our children are around, rather than risk a confrontation.

He needs to be told very clearly to back off from that woman, first and foremost. And then you need to decide what you’re going to do. His misogynist attitude cannot be a surprise to you, yet you married and had kids with him. So, I guess you need to decide if you are going to continue to ignore it or finally pay attention and do something.

Shout out to that young woman. What a favour she has done you.

How many people would have not said anything and just kept their distance from him in future, and you would never have known that side of your husband. I would probably have been one of those to say nothing, but really what she's done is commendable.

OP I'm sorry you have had to find out your husband has acted in this way.

I'm afraid I'd think he was lying. I agree that the fact that you think it's possible means it probably is. His reaction also doesn't scream innocence. And while I know people have different relationships and 'personal rules', my DH would never casually rate women points out of 10 to me, nor would he sit in a car alone with some random woman for no reason.

Op,is fortunate that the woman even told her .
Very stupid man

Poor woman with a 3 month old, trying to catch a few minutes peace before pick up, and your creepy husband has to prey upon her.

So shocking.
I hope she tells her partner and he kicks up a stink.
He used the childrens relationship to force his way into a confined space.
He 100% took advantage of her vulnerability.
I would feel so intimidated in her position, with the baby in the car.

This is one of those situations where 101 should be called, reporting him.
Put him on their radar.

Definitely worth having a conversation with her.

I'm so sorry, but you have no idea who you are married to.

This is so not normal behaviour and is a huge red flag.

Sorry OP. I believe the woman. He’s lucky her husband (or you!) don’t tear strips off him. No fool like an old fool.

.