AIBU to think my husband is lying about another school mum?

[Ailiss]

So, I have woken up this morning to a fairly devastating message and my husband is not helping at all.
To cut a long story short, I have woken up to a message from one of the mums at DS's school telling me that both on Friday when she dropped her DD off (Scotland so we went back last week), and yesterday when she dropped her DD off at Gymnastics and went to sit in her car (DS goes to gymnastics too), my DH made some sexual advances on her.
She didn't elaborate, I have asked her to but she messaged around 9pm last night and I only just saw it when I woke up this morning, so she might be busy this morning and just hasn't seen my reply.
I asked DH for more info, and he said thats just not true. He claims he hardly spoke to her on Friday, and yesterday when he saw her parked up offered to buy her a coffee, so he did then they sat in her car together, he claims nothing else happened.
However last year he did make a joke about some of the mums of DS's friends being "smoking hot, 10/10s".
I know this woman fairly well, she is married, but much younger than us, maybe mid-20s, DH and I are knocking on 40. I actually went to school with her older brother and remember her when she was very small!

AIBU to think DH is just lying to me? What would she get out of sending me that if it wasn't true?

I do agree with this, too. It sounds like she was uncomfortable and was quite happy reading her book and he assumed his amazing company would be welcome.

AAahhhh... How soon I forgot! I don't think I'll never be a "MATURE WOMAN" since I have the philosophy of "I may grow old but I refuse to grow up". 😆😇

Thank you for making me laugh way too hard. 🍻

Maybe someone the same age would say ‘fuck off you creep, I'm telling your wife’
OR Hes attracted to her because she’s young and (he thinks) vulnerable(?), a pushover (?)

Sorry but this guy is a walking Ick and the word will spread. I'd be getting shut, he didn't get his way this time but...he'd cheat if he got the chance.

I was going to say why offer to buy her a coffee and sit in her car? I wouldn’t like that unless she was a friend of ours

She isn't lying, OP and here's how you know. When asked to give details - she did. Specific words in the conversation and specific actions. Compare to your husband.

Firstly, he was completely unsurprised. Let's say it was you and one of the other parents decided to message your husband telling him that you had made sexual advances towards them. You'd be shocked! And then pretty angry! He reacted calmly - a strange reaction to a serious accusation!

Secondly, when asked about it, your husband gave a distinct lack of detail. "I barely spoke to her on Friday" - OK so what was said in that exchange? Where are the details? He offered her a coffee - what, through the glass? Or was he already in the car? How did he go from being outside to being in a car with her? Lack of detail indicates lying.

Do you have a bad relationship with this other mum, OP? Otherwise where is her motive to lie to you?

She sounds much more believable than your DH.

I believe her.
She wants this behaviour to stop.

Sleeze at the least
Looking to cheat at the worst

If this is true, then I doubt she’s the first he’s tried this with.

Can he not see that climbing into a woman’s car with a small baby in the back would be unwelcome?

Wake up Mumma. His been caught out. I’m sorry but do not allow this shizzy behaviour. Please realise women who reach out to tell you things are doing it because their girls girls. Please do not allow DH to talk his way out of this one. I believe her completly and the fact he seems so confident in doing what his done makes me think his done this before. What ever he has done it’s inappropriate. Non of this was or is ok. How embarrassing. I’d be thinking the women who messaged you. To many desperate housewives would have lapped up the attention. Get rid of him before he hurts you and embarrasses your child and you anymore.

Last year's comments seem so mild. Some people are hot, he has eyes, we can all lie to each other but who does that help?

I agree that this woman is probably telling the truth, but I don't think last year's comments should carry a lot of weight

Urgh, he’s sleazing on her testing the waters for an affair. She’s not in the slightest bit interested, hopefully her partner will tell him to back the fuck off, or give him a punch.
How dare he get in the car with her and their newborn baby, what a loser.

You can tell from your posts that your DH is lying! How gross rating school mums at 10/10s to your face, in the first place, how disrespectful.

Im surprised school mum’s DH hasn't been round yet, to catch up with your DH!

he’s stalking round the young mums seeing who will be up for it, he’s definitely not to be trusted. Watch him like a hawk OP, she has no reason to lie (unless there’s a huge backstory of a previous falling out, or similar).

So he saw her in her car reading and couldn't just you know, leave her undisturbed? 🙄
It's understandable that she felt too awkward to tell him to fuck off on both days.

Nothing even similar to the phrases she told you could be described as "not flirty". There was no reason for him to say anything to her on either day.

Even if he wasn't trying to hook an affair partner, his behaviour towards the woman nearly half his age was predatory. I'm sorry for you and the young woman involved @Ailiss

And this is relevant because?

I am willing to bet, given it is all as healthy as you say, that none of them have ever accused you (or them) of this sort of predatory behaviour.

This is outside your frame of reference, and the DH not only has some form but was unfazed by the allegations. Think outside your (lucky) box.

@Ailiss id say he is lying and he had from . You Denis a creep who would cheat at any chance he got .
Leave him before he leaves you.

His explanation in itself is weird. I wouldn't buy someone else a coffee and go and sit in their car unless they were a really good mate, not just an acquaintance.

I tend to think it’s true, only because men in their 40s are always lusting after 20 year olds. Men need new flesh.

What I would query is the tone of the message. For instance, if you’re sitting in a car, bored sheetlass waiting for your kids to come out of football practice, you might say something innocuous like “you look nice today” “red suits you” “what is that perfume?” just to break up the silence, of which some snowflakes automatically see an old man lusting after them and wanting to have sex or rape them.

I would ask what do you mean by sexual advances. Did he suggest sex in a hotel? Sex at her place? What? …

Also, I wouldn’t divorce a husband about this unless you feel your husband has cheated or has a pattern of chatting up other women.

He is sleazy. Doubt he will change except into a dirty old man.

He's lying. And the joke only landed wrong because she didn't flirt back or respond.

He's up for it and I'm betting that she isn't the first woman he's tried this on. He's done it twice with her. He'll have done it elsewhere too.

Ok, I answered prematurely and I’ve read some more posts on this thread. Your husband has sleazy behaviour and has lied to you when you questioned him.

the woman in question doesn’t like his sleazy behaviour and is reaching out to you so it can stop.

You have to have a conversation with him so it doesn’t happen again and/or he apologises to the woman and you.

Explain how would he like it if you started flirting with some boy in his 20s and there were complaints about you to your husband and everyone was gossiping about you. See how he likes it.

Please don’t infantilise women like this.

I don’t think she’s wrong tbh. Personally, I let random men get away with such bad behaviour in my 20s. (E.g. inappropriate touching and staring on trains. I just used to move away silently). I just wasn’t used to standing up for myself. Now I take no shit.