Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

I breastfed my dc. Yes it was hard in the beginning with cluster feeding and whatnot, but overall I didn’t find it too bad. It became very easy after the initial first few weeks. It was much easier with second dc as I knew what I was doing, had baby latched after birth before the midwives could ask about feeding. It is somewhat like a skill, you need to learn how to do it.

I tried pumping a bit, but didn’t have much success, it seemed like a lot of effort for little output. DH did one bottle feed with expressed milk and I decided that it was unnecessarily (for me, I know for others it’s necessary) adding extra steps to a process that was pretty straightforward otherwise. It meant I did all the night feeds but it was ok, DH pulled his weight in other ways. I found it convenient how I didn’t have to make up bottles in the night, didn’t have to think about sterilising bottles or bringing bottles when we went out. It was there and readily available, at the right temp and safe for consumption.

It was tiring in the beginning, with cluster feeding it can be a bit overwhelming to begin with, but if you get past that stage it all gets much easier in my experience.

That said, it’s been over 10 years since I breastfed my babies. I can tell you now that over time, it really doesn’t matter how you feed, you can’t tell how a child was fed as a baby from looking. I’m glad I breastfed because there are some benefits to both mother and baby and I saved loads of money not buying formula, but ultimately now it’s not really something I ever think about unless prompted. What I’m trying to say is feed how you want and don’t stress about it, long term you won’t notice the difference from one child to the next so whilst it is an important decision to make, it’s not one that is going to define your child’s life in any way.

There is lots more information out there now about combi feeding than there was a few years ago when I had my first. I think it’s really positive that you are considering both options I felt so much pressure to breastfeed with my first we ended up doing 6 weeks combi feeding and after that she absolutely thrived on formula, she’s always been an amazing sleeper. This might be slightly controversial but most people I know who breastfed for a long time were either single parents or had very uninvolved partners - my partner is very involved so was lovely he could help with bottles and he was in charge of all sterilising washing bottles etc. ultimately see how it goes don’t put pressure on yourself and try and enjoy your baby and the experience as much as possible it all goes so fast.

I FF because I wasn’t able to BF and it worked for me. After the first three months of sterilising i just washed bottles in the dishwasher then mix them up. I didn’t even warm them up after 3m as DC weren’t bothered either way. Popped a bottle in the bag and away to go. All my friends BF and that worked for them but there was no pressure or judgement on me. Not sure about now.

Well, I EBF both my DC for a year. Loved it. Happy as anything. I was lucky in that I had abundant supply and settled babies, but it was great. The only thing I'd change if I had my time over again is that I wouldn't stop after a year.

My Dsis FF from the off - I don't think she was happier. They refused to give anything to dry milk up like they gave Mum back in 70s - so she was very sore and unconfortable for a while. Her parneter never helped with bottels or feeding was very demaning insisting she go places and leave baby with his mum and by 6 months was gone. So not sure how represntative she was of FF but she wasn't happier.

With bf - depended on the baby had different issues with first two - third was a dream straight on no problems. Did help family member not bully us or me into handing babies over before I was ready.

Most mother I knew did few weeks - often around 6 then slowly moved to ff. A few did 5-6 months then solid before heading back to work - maybe keeping one or two bedtime feeds if they could - very few did 12 months or with later kids 12 months plus with kids. So it doesn't have to be completely one or the other and isn't for most UK mothers.

I had no issues with breastfeeding. Was fortunate that my baby would drink expressed milk from a bottle from 6 weeks if I needed him to so could still have my freedom to go out in the evenings if I wanted to. I definitely enjoyed not having to worry about faffing with bottles, sterilising etc in the middle of the night or when I was home alone.

I had the opposite experience really. I EBF and found it easy as I never had to worry about having formula and sterilised bottles. My friends who FF seemed to be constantly stressed about prepping bottles and getting it to the right temp whilst the baby screamed. I coild just get my boob out.

But do whats right for you

I breastfed for over a year solely because it was better for my baby’s health. Would it have been easier on me in the early days to FF? Possibly yes, in terms of being able to share the load and sleep a bit more. But after 6 weeks, it’s easy and so convenient to feel wherever and whenever you need to. Breast milk in incomparable in terms of what it’s made up of, and I was determined to get as much into my children as possible as I understand the science behind it. Looking back on that period of my life, I’m happy that I did it, even when it was a bit relentless at times. I definitely wasn’t miserable due to it, the let down actually releases loads of happy hormones :)

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Don't think about this now, you make all sorts of decisions about how you are going to be before the baby arrives, and never follow half of them🤣

I had a snacker, she grazed constantly for the first ten weeks. I had no issues with supply, engorgement, latch, sore nipples etc. I was very lucky I know. Bottle feeding would have been a nightmare, constant washing, sterilizing, making them up etc. I had it in my head that I would breast feed for six weeks and then combi or pump. In reality, I breastfed for 16 months, never got to grips with pumping, and used cartons of formula from 7 months on if I needed to leave her with someone.

I loved it, it worked perfectly for me and my daughter.

You'll find what works for you and your baby, once baby is here. You can't predict what will happen and as my antenatal class midwife said, babies don't read the books, they do what they want 🤣

My advice is buy some bottles and new born teats; buy a microwave or relatively cheap sterilizer, you'll need it if you use soothers or pump. Have some cartons of formula in, buy lanolin cream for your boobs, lots of oat biscuits (good for building supply), and then you're prepared for both. If you're thinking about pumping, rent one first.

What about the health benefits for you and the baby? You are thinking in terms of convenience for yourself but there are also reasons beyond lifestyle that are worth researching/considering to see what you think. Either way it is your decision but it would be worth fully informing yourself.

I loved breastfeeding and it was easy enough once I got the hang of it. And it can be a really lovely amazing feeling. And so convenient not to need to remember or buy any equipment.

I think you are unreasonable- especially to judge from the experience of one mother.

Often mothers struggle with breastfeeding because there is little actual support (encouraged to do it, but not supported to do it) and it can be challenging especially at the start.

There's a lot of myths around it too - sometimes promoted by companies trying to sell mothers formula.

And you can't tell from looking at a child how they were fed as an infant but a lot of the health benefits won't be obvious from looking at someone. I've noticed my breastfed children are sick less than some of their peers who I know were formula fed (although hard to say for sure why).

I'd see how you feel when the baby gets here too- I felt an overwhelming instinctual need to breastfeed my first.

BF both mine, it was difficult to begin the first time, piece of piss when I got used to it.
Straight forward births and a very supportive husband certainly helped.
There are pros and cons to both ways of feeding, it's personal choice.

The health benefits to my babies made any difficulties in EBF worth it for me.

Feeding babies can be easy or hard whichever way you do it, reflux, allergy concerns, gas, logistics... Nothing is guaranteed as easier or harder.

Just do you :-)

YABU. I loved breastfeeding. I’m lazy so I appreciated not having to make up and wash up bottles. I also appreciated how useful it was, not just as nutrition, but as a soother when they were overtired or unwell. It was great and I feel lucky that it worked out well for my and my DCs.

Bottles, with all the sterilising, having to heat them up while you're out, etc always seemed like so much more trouble than whipping the boob out. But I think it's very much each to their own with it. Some will prefer one or the other depending on lifestyle and ease of breastfeeding too.

Totally agree with this.

I would watch friends you bottle fed endlessly sterilise bottles, carry all that stuff around, endless measuring of formula, sterilising water, etc etc.

I bf and while it wasn’t always easy in the middle of the night it sure was!!!!

Personally I’d never breastfeed again if I have another baby. I bf my first two and honestly it made me so stressed and ill. To the point of being hospitalised with abscesses as I have a breast condition. I also got severe aversion where if they latched I had to pull them off quickly and had to immediately stop. With my third I combi fed from birth and then fully formula fed from 9 months. If I had another I’d formula feed from birth as now even seeing others breastfeed gives me that severe aversion feeling

I breast fed all of mine due to NCT propoganda but ended up loving it each time. Agree it takes a few weeks to settle but after that it’s so easy. No sterilising, no stuff, no getting out of bed, and the hormones released when you start feeding always made me relax and feel incredible calm in an otherwise anxious time. I’ve since learnt about all the immune/gut benefits of it too so pleased I did as my kids have no allergies and are never ill.

BUT people are all different and you should do whatever works for you-not what someone else tells you

Do whatever is best for you. I had zero desire to breastfeed and formula fed from the get go. No one in real life ever asked how I planned to feed my baby or commented on me bottlefeeding. I also did as someone upthread remarked, and used the ready made up formula bottles, so going out and night time feeds were simple.

I think it's worth persevering for the first month say. And if there are still big problems go to bottles. I really can't see the point of being a frazzled sleepless wreck with a screaming baby to contend with.

I’d be very careful about anecdotal evidence. It’s very easy to see one story, link it with your own views agd then go ‘yep,See! Much better to do <insert preferred method of feeding>’.

fwiw my second baby was EBF. I didn’t feel tie down and I loved bfing him. He was also much more settled than dc1
Now one reason for that is that dc1 was actually reacting to dairy - cue for a very miserable baby until I realised whatvwas going on, a good 4~5 months in. Dc2 turned out to also struggle either way dairy but it ‘only’ showed up after I stopped bfing.
But I feel there was a connection/closeness with dc2 that I didn’t get with dc1 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

The bottom line though is to do what works for you. Wo looking fur reasons like ‘ff babies make mum/baby happier’ or whatever other reasons.
Just go fir what you want, fit with you, your family etc….

I had a bit of a nightmare establishing bf (baby wouldn't latch, had to pump for weeks) but after the first few weeks it was smooth sailing. Zero problems either for me or baby.

Comparing that first month of bottle feeding to ebf later on, I much preferred the latter!

So much easier travelling and being out and about since I knew there was always enough food available! Didn't have to sterilise/clean etc.

Night feeds were actually easier since I didn't have to faff around with bottles. Though yes, it did fall on me instead of the dad.

And it does mean you're more tied down to staying near baby. Longest I could leave her was around 2 hours for the first 6 months. I didn't actually mind that, but I can see how some mums would find it a bit suffocating.

Ultimately your choice, but if you're on the fence then why not give bf a go? It is generally the healthiest for baby, so long as it suits mum too.

It’s just you. Much easier to BF - no ‘faffing’ with bottles and sterilising and making up formula…nope just stick baby on breast and job done!

I can only go by my own experience and from what I saw with friends.

I loved breast feeding. It came easy to me. I had copious milk and no issues whatsoever. I didn’t pump or use formula. It was one of the most rewarding and special times of my life and I missed it when I stopped. I still miss it, if I’m honest.

Several friends mixed fed or just used formula. From my perspective, it looked like more of a faff with preparing and sterilising bottles and carting around all the ‘stuff’ when we were out. Also, I fed mine at night whilst lying down and sleeping, I was definitely less tired than my friends who were up in the night giving bottles.

But I realise I was lucky as I had really easy babies and a really great milk supply. I also had small boobs, so didn’t feel weighed down by them.

People will have positive and negative experiences of both. I formula fed, had self sterilising bottles and an easy baby. 1 of my friends declared she would only ebf because of the benefits and made herself ill rather than accept it wasn't right for her. Baby was a terrible sleeper and had constant viruses despite not being in childcare. Just do what works for you