Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

There's no denying that breastfeeding can be hard going in the first few weeks - establishing your milk supply, learning how to latch on properly and feeding frequently all takes time and you can get sore. BUT once breastfeeding is established it is so much easier! No faffing about with bottles and sterilising, it's free and once babies are a bit older, feeds are a lot quicker! I co-slept and breastfeeding at night barely disturbed my sleep and my babies all slept really well. I'd say give it a go and see what works for you!

Sterilising bottles is not my idea of easier. It's personal though. You could always try to bf if you're not sure, and switch to bottles later. Or try a combo of both.

It's different for everyone. Some don't have the luxury of choice.

It worked for me and my DC. It wasn't easy, especially with illness that needed antibiotics and going back to work, and it then became both BF and FF to ensure a backup. Make choices based on yourself, your baby and circumstances. Despite what everyone tells you, there's no right and wrong way

This.

when other people were able to feed my dc I ended up running round like a blue arsed fly, catching up on housework, making tea, laundry, cooking etc while they sat down feeding.

breastfeeding meant I got to sit and rest and forced everyone else to do the housework.

yes parts were hard, but so much easier in many ways.

i know a fair few people who gave up breastfeeding because family pressure- we can help, it’ll be easier- and regretted it because it wasn’t. Even “oh well help with night feeds” often doesn’t materialise as dh is working, and no one else is around at that time.

I think you also have to ask, happier compared to who? The question is not if breastfeeding mums are happier than mums who bottle feed, but are they happier than they would be if they were bottle feeding?

It depends on the baby some are easier to settle and some come attached!! I personally love breastfeeding and find it so easy - no sterilising no making up bottles and you can still mix formula or pump. No right or wrong answer so what’s right for you. There is not a single adult who I could look at tell was breastfed or formula at the end of the day.

Some posters are suggesting a combo but be careful with that. To establish milk supply it's best to ebf or pump for the first month at least. If you add in formula then your milk supply might drop, making even the times when you want to bf difficult.

If you know you want to formula feed then obviously not a problem. But if you want to try bf then I'd go all in for the first month and then decide from there.

It can seem that way OP that the mums are more chilled

Probably getting more sleep too!

Breastfeeding is hard and can be painful to start with but you have an amazing bond with your baby and there are so many incredible benefits

If your baby is poorly your body will literally make the milk your baby needs to get better. No formula can replicate that

It also offers comfort to your baby when they are fussy or teething

When I first started BF I used to think God FF mums get it so easy (obviously that's not the case just hormones going crazy) but I am so glad I stuck it out

You should do what works for you.

I EBF both mine for over a year each and they never had a bottle. I found it ridiculously easy and straightforward.

I really would have found bottles/formula/sterilising a total faff and very inconvenient.

Other women have had the opposite experience.

You will get loads of advice about motherhood and you need to be able to filter it and find your own way. Good luck!

I breastfed my dc for the first few weeks and that was enough for me. I wanted to give them the best start possible but I hated breastfeeding, I found it uncomfortable when it wasn't downright painful, I hated that my boobs seemed to constantly leak, i hated smelling of milk, i just couldn't wait to get my body back. There were times when it was lovely, snuggled up with the baby while they fed, but as I say a few weeks was enough for me.

My experience of breast feeding wasn't like that, I found it freeing being able to provide a feed on tap wherever we were with no preparation and no cost, it was so convenient, and the complete opposite of housebound! I've fed on the bus, in cafes, in a museum, standing up on a hill fort...

My husband got involved in other ways, in the early days he would do winding and changing at night (and the day, obviously), he shared basically everything apart from the actual feeding.

Maybe I was lucky, but I didn't find breastfeeding painful after the first few weeks with my first and didn't worry about whether my two were getting enough, I just trusted the process and if worked.

I FF mine and very happy. The horror when I realised that I would be chained to the baby, the only one waking up at night and never having to go out alone. Also the pumping almost pushed me over. Also I needed my body to be just mine again.
I had a ton of bottles and just washed ONCE a day for the day and night. Not sure what the big issue is about that. Also dh and I took turns so I ended up washing just 2-3 times per week, hardly call that work.
Now they are well past that stage, and it never really mattered.
People should do what’s best for them.

I loved breastfeeding, but it was easy for me and my babies.

I think usually people choose tk breastfeed and they can it is because medical evidence makes it clear that is better for the baby's health. It is a massive bind. I find none BF mothers to be really aggressive about that at times so would not broach the subject at all. I have had none BF mothers while I was BF pretty much come up to me out of nowhere to tell me that BF wasn't that great, obviously I didn't engage. Even the adverts are made to say bf is better. Bf isn't that well supported or accepted at all so I would bare that in mind. It is a bind. It is also better for the baby's neutrician and that is a proven fact. I would take vitamins if you choose to, they really helped me. Lots of water, pads, nipple cream and food. If you have an interest in it nothing takes weight off like bf in my experience. Its a very complicated question in many ways.

In general, studies have shown it’s the other way around. Statistically, single mothers are less likely to breastfeed and more likely to stop earlier.

Why would breastfeeding chain you to the house? One of the best things about it was that you could just grab the baby and go. It does kind of chain you to the baby but personally I neer had a problem with that.

Everyone is so different and all you're going to get is anecdotes really. Also people are generally more likely to speak openly about a bad experience than a good one - and if you've already kind of made up your mind about not being that bothered about bf then you are obviously going to focus on the negatives.

Personally (in the interest of sharing yet another anecdote) I found I was much happier and more relaxed breastfeeding than formula feeding. FF my eldest after breastfeeding didn't work out and I actually found it hard work. Sterilising/bringing enough bottles and formula, making sure they were the right temp... And getting up in the night was a total pain in the arse because you're actually up and about so you wake up fully. Realistically yes my husband could do the odd feed but I ended up doing most because baby settled better for me and I was off on mat leave so it made more sense for me to do them when he was working the next day.

Breastfed subsequent babies and found it an absolute dream tbh. Yes it is a bit tricky getting it established in the early few days but then you never have to worry about having enough bottles and formula when you're out, I found night feeds ok because you and baby go back to sleep so easily.
That's just my experience (but that's all anyone's stories really are) and probably affected by the fact that I really wanted to breastfeed so was sad when it didn't work out first time. I'm not sure that on a population level it really is at the detriment of maternal mental health and I really don't think formula feeding should be promoted as this amazing thing that will save your sleep and sanity. Lots of things about having babies are just plain hard!

This is exactly the type of nonesence I am taking about.

I don’t think you could really generalise this to the point where you could actually draw a conclusion. FF is marginally more faffy out and about, I don’t agree BF could really be more faffy than bottle feeding. BF babies do tend to be much more wakeful than FF babies and the night feeding can’t be split so mothers night be slightly better rested. But then BF is supposed to release oxytocin so.

The most worthwhile things in life are not always the easiest. Breastfeeding can be challenging at first, not helped by a lack of professional care, e.g. discharging babies with severe tongue tie without proper professional monitoring and intervention, but in the long term it can be easier and very rewarding. Also, formula fed babies are 6-8 times more likely to develop gastroenteritis than EBF babies as well as not benefiting from the protective benefits of antibodies against illnesses.

I disagree about being chained to the house, I know people travelling all over the world with breastfed babies.

I breastfed, and had the opposite experience.

My baby and I were quite poorly, so didn’t leave hospital for the first couple of weeks, so were lucky enough to have time with a lactation consultant, and also her tongue tie was snipped. She was also NG fed for the first week. This meant that we had established breastfeeding by the time we got home, and it was the least worrisome part of the first two weeks. (I was also sanguine about the prospect of formula or mixed feeding as she had already been formula-fed by tube), so I hadn’t put pressure on myself to breastfeed.

Given this start, actually breastfeeding ended up being very convenient. No bottles to sterilise. No planning behind nappies required for going out. Easy to soothe baby on flights etc.

The crucial thing however was that I wasn’t having any problems with breastfeeding by the time I was left to my own devices. I know a lot of people struggle, and if you do, I really don’t see any point in everyone struggling through, when there is an alternative. The important thing is that you have a happy and fed baby at the end of the day.

Yes. Probably as people aren’t transparent that it basically means a year of broken sleep and it’s so tying. Probably didn’t help that l had twins and twin 2 is / was a gannet so it was hard to keep up

I loved breastfeeding. Oxytocin is released by breastfeeding which can help mothers to feel calm and relaxed and promotes bonding.

After 9/10 months of pregnancy I would be DESPERATE to get my body back

Why would a mother never be able to go out alone because she was breastfeeding?