Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

I BF my DD until she was just over 3 and loved it. I know I was lucky in that my milk came in okay and didn't have any supply issues. It was my whole life when she was first born and constantly cluster feeding but quickly became very easy. I don't believe my breasts look like windsocks down to my ankles 🤣 If they did I don't think I'd particularly care, my priority was breastfeeding.

I have many friends who have successfully BF and some who supplemented with/switched to formula. To me formula always seemed like MUCH more work! But sometimes it is necessary/preferred. I think its a very different journey for each individual woman and baby and you have to do what's right for you. But I haven't experienced/witnessed the miseries of breastfeeding you describe.

If you could actually read what I wrote, then you’d know that “windsocks” was a simile. And that I NEVER commented on her choices. Neither did she comment on mine. Whatever people in your life who were judgemental and unkind to you, it is not okay to attack people who simply reported what was true and never made judgemental comments of any kind to her friend or others. I said it worked for her family. Did you skip over that part? If you have some kind of PTSD, get therapy instead of being a bully. You don’t like bullies, right? Then stop being one. Oh, a misogynistic bully as well.

Congratulations. I choose to ff and found it very easy and simple to do. DH and I shared dd care and we both got sleep. Sterilizing was simple, quick and easy. It was certainly less hassle for me than friends who bf. However everyone is different and you might find bf works better for you than FF or the other way around. How cares just enjoy having those new born hugs. I watched most of Dawsons creek and enjoyed the new born hugs so much. It goes so quick. Now dd is at primary school and the time flies past....

So why did you think it was appropriate to comment on the fullness or lift of her breasts at all, on here? How was that at all relevant to the topic? Did it affect her health? Was she deeply mentally unhappy because of it? What was your purpose in mentioning it?

It's a misogynistic observation, which was meant negatively, in order to denigrate her body. There's literally no other reason for you to mention it. And no, civilly pointing out that a comment was misogynistic isn't bullying.

”civilly”? No.

Nice.

Women are not supposed to do anything. We’re not just mammals, we have brains and have evolved. We have choices and needs and thankfully healthy good resources that make life easier. I have many many things to be proud of, not sure why a feeding choice that involves a huge amount of luck re bodies, circumstances, personalities etc invokes pride but there you go. I guess I could be proud all my kids were potty trained and reading early, that they were weaned onto organic food and a life full of the outdoors with limited screens but again circumstances and luck play a huge part with a lot of that too. When they get to adulthood you realise most of your parenting choices (not least a few weeks or months of breastfeeding v formula feeding which is pretty much the parenting choice with the least amount of impact )really are not worth the agonising over that they get.

I had twins. Breastfeeding was hell, formula feeding was 100% easier and happier leading to happier more content babies and mother.Not least because my husband could help and I could turn over and get some sleep.

Oh, come on. You were the one that made the horrible comment. At least own it.

Frankly I think

“Yes BF means you are more 'tied' to your baby but you're supposed to be. We're mammals.”

Is pretty much the most misogynistic thing I’ve read in a long time.

Yes somehow we now have women who are calling out unpleasant comments having PTSD.

This is really quite properly horrible.

The funny thing is the people pushing the agenda on this thread have been FF. BF mothers on the whole have been kind and supportive and recognise that different feeding works for different people. But if you look through it's like they can't bring themselves to say 'im glad it worked for you'.

I'm so sorry you were gaslit too. I made a very lengthy formal complaint after the dust settled about what we were put through. The number of staff that blithely insisted my son was absolutely fine and I was stressing over nothing was scary in retrospect. He was close to being brain damaged.

Sadly it got to the point with my son were he had expended so many calories suckling fruitlessly with nothing in return he became unable to even nurse anymore, as he just didn't have the energy. He was fading before our eyes. They forgot to weigh him until day four, when he had lost 14% and was rushed to the neonatal unit to be treated for starvation. To this day, I still can't forgive myself that I allowed my baby to literally starve, ignored my instincts as a mother, that my body failed him and I let other people tell me to starve him. Even after therapy it's a lot to carry, and he's six now and doing fantastically.

I hope the day will come when expectant parents are asked 'how would you like to feed your baby?' and given support and guidance to achieve that, instead of being told exactly what they should be doing and coerced and pressured into it. It's important formula feeding parents get the right advice on preparing formula safely. People should be equipped with pros and cons of each, if they're unsure, including social factors like being able to share feeds if you formula feed.

It's deeply, wholly misogynistic that women are reduced to a pair of udders when they have a baby, and the focus is on milking them instead of considering what's best for the mother baby dyad and actually listening to women. The medical profession insists that it knows best, that there is a right way to feed a baby and a wrong one, and nothing matters except for pushing breastfeeding, even when the baby is at risk of harm. It's utterly bizarre.

Fed is Best Foundation do some amazing work on this, their facebook group is an absolute haven of science and support in a sea of myth and woo being peddled about breastfeeding. It was very healing for me to be in that space, and to read up on the actual proven benefits of breastfeeding (started with Crib Sheet book and moved onto sources from there). It appalled me to find that there are only a few short term benefits to the baby and one long term benefit to the mother. Made me realise there is absolutely nothing magical about breast milk that is worth somebody's sanity and wellbeing and life.

This mentality makes me understand where the idea comes from that in the early days the mum cares for baby and dad cares for mum.

Breastfeeding unfortunately sets up very strict gender roles and expectations around who does the bulk of the parenting in the home early on. Couples can overcome that if they're thoughtful and determined but there's no denying it, seen it play out first hand so many times.

Thread has moved on, but I just wanted to note about comparing FF and BF:

The reason that medics and HCPs will talk differently about breast and formula risk is because they are different, and (on the whole) HCPs treat and advise based on evidence. They can't present BF and FF as equal, because they aren't.

Both BF and FF are good ways to feed a baby. Everyone is different, and there are always outliers. Some of the risks/benefits are longterm, and at a population level. The risks and benefits are in some cases completely different, so one can't really compare the two equally.

This happened to my singleton baby and me too and I blame the obsession with breast feeding in this country pushed on social media as much as I do the over zealous pro breast feeding care from professionals without any support and advice and reminders that formula is an option and perfectly ok too.

Both my sister and I were told formula feeding was not going to be discussed in twin baby classes prior to birth when we asked for advice re all scenarios as regards feeding. This is not ok and has to change. I hope it has. How to safely formula feed, how to successfully mix feed and reassurance that any of the 3 options are perfectly ok needs to be part of pre birth education, particularly with parents who very likely will need to consider all 3 options.

Nope. Nothing horrible about it except your over the top reaction. Move along. Nothing to see here.

How was I uncivil, exactly?

It was a fucking horrible thing to say. You're on a forum slagging off another woman's body.

I assume you've told her to her face what you said?

Feeding a baby is hugely emotive for all mothers. And years later, it can still provoke strong feelings, and they can be very mixed and complex.

There's a shedload of societal attitudes that are also mixed and complex wrt baby feeding, motherhood, breasts, etc.

There's a lot!

So I understand any mother who has had a hard time may have strong feelings.

Quite often, it can help to talk about it.

And I still think it's important that evidence based advice, info and support are available for all mothers.

Well said x

Peer supporters are trained in how to support both BF and FF mothers.

I haven't read every post on here, but that does seem to be the way it's trending.

It's laughable that someone is trying to say I have PTSD because I pointed out that she made a very derogatory, misogynistic comment about another woman's body. I only mentioned it because it reminded me so strongly of when FFing mums talked about how they were so glad they weren't BFing as they didn't want to ruin their breasts etc, while giving me pointed looks, and saying I was such a good mum to sacrifice my boobs to BFing (I didn't go to that baby group for long!)

I can think that's horrible and misogynistic without being traumatised, thanks.

At 6 to 8 weeks: Around only 55% to 56% of babies receive some breast milk. Exclusive rates drop to 24% in England, 17% in Wales, and 13% in Northern Ireland.

The forceful guilt mongering of women that has been going on for far too long isn’t working. Women aren’t going to be bullied into the misery many experience that is exclusive breast feeding.

They just aren’t,we have brains and self worth and once women realise they were duped by the fiction portrayed they quite rightly move to formula. Maybe if we want women to breast feed for longer we should be more honest about the realities and promote some balance with more promotion of mixed feeding.

Not good enough,mixed feeding and safe formula feeding should be part and parcel of all NHS pre birth education.

The exclusion and treating both like dirty habits not to be mentioned is not working.

It is.

However, nobody can say that FF is equal to BF, because it's not. FF presents more risks and fewer benefits.

That is not treating FF judgementally, it's presenting advice based on the available evidence.

I'm sorry that sounds rubbish for you. Obviously there are women who prioritise wearing 'cute tops' and want to look good because it's a 'slippery slope' (patriarchy alive and well on here) about who decided to project their shit on to you.