Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

@Parker231 Yes, but when home alone because my DH was at work, and recovering from a c section with one baby, I didn't even have to get up out of my chair. It cannot be overstated, how much I valued that. And because I fed baby, when my husband was home from work he fed me, changed nappies, entertained baby while I had some time to have a leisurely shower etc, and changed nappies in the night. So still a good split of duties, I just did more of one thing which I preferred, and he did more of the other. When family and friends visited, they did things like laundry, hoovering, and washing up.

That's just me of course, but paying for formula (so expensive!), and have to mess about with sterilising and making up (and then fetching) bottles when I had the perfect free milk in my breasts just wasn't my thing. (One thing I did find really cool was that my eldest was exposed to chicken pox by their cousins, who got it very badly (this was a few years before chicken pox was added to the vaccine schedule), but my eldest had immunity thanks to my breast milk.) Otherwise, I just enjoyed the way it worked for our lifestyle.

I did struggle initially with two of my children but overall my experience of breastfeeding was really positive and I'm so pleased I got to feed my children how I felt was the best way. I also got to co-sleep and I loved that. I enjoyed the freedom breastfeeding gave me and I liked there were benefits I was getting from it too. It gave me a respect for my body that I hadn't had before.

I don't think you can say ff mums are happier then bf mums as there are so many variables. I had one friend who chose to ff and was happy with her choice, another who wanted to bf but ended up ff and felt sad about it. I had another fiend who hated breastfeeding so stopped.

I don't think you can say ff mums are happier then bf mums as there are so many variables.

Abso fucking lutely this.

Everyone's situation and context is different, and all mothers should get clear, high quality information and all the support they need to make the choices that work for them. And no judgement.

Yes, that would've worried me too, especially early on. And pp brings up a good point about plastic bottles in the microwave. I'm sure it does no harm, but I would've worried anyway!

I think some people just find BFing much more appealing while others prefer FF, and a lot of that preference is probably personality related, in addition to social messaging.

Formula is definitely expensive. That's the biggest negative for me but worth it for all of the positives.

I had a c-section and twins. I used self sterilising bottles and had two perfect prep machines which made it all a doddle to be honest but I absolutely didn't want to be solely responsible for feeding one baby, let alone two.

I was also lucky that by the time DH went back to work at 6 weeks, they were both sleeping through the night.

Yep. And it’s not even as though BF is easier just because of the lack of washing up or sterilising. It’s the being able to leave the house and not worry about packing extra stuff or worrying if you might run out or (if you were anything like me) having a lazy way to get your baby to sleep, or to be quiet (I breastfed at the back of a wedding ceremony once) or to soothe (so handy for aeroplane take offs as well as any other situation where your baby needs some comfort) rather than walking up and down and rocking for hours or whatever. BFing made parenting so much easier for me on the whole, it also made
it more pleasant. I look back and have some extremely fond memories of that time.

Well, twins is a whole different ball game! And it sounds like it worked well for your family, and what you wanted.

Oh yes! That's so true.
I've ADHD, so I loved anything that meant less organising and fewer things to remember. And the way it was a panacea was incredible. It kept them quiet, happy, fed, and watered, it instantly quelled tears after an upset or a fall, it got them to sleep nearly anywhere, in a pinch. I sometimes think BFing might be the best tool for a mum who likes an easy life (read: is a bit lazy) While FF mums always seemed admirably organised and scheduled in comparison.

Hmm. Not sure I agree re personality and choice.

Our society and culture has a big impact. So nobody makes those choices in a vacuum. There's a very long history of debate on both FF and BF, that encompasses class, profit, economy, morality, etc.

I dont think it can be discounted that multinationals make a massive amount of money off formula, and aren't allowed to directly advertise it, so have a very long history of undermining breastfeeding, often in very underhand ways.

The way Nestle knowingly allowed babies to be endangered is indicative of how their morals work in this situation.

And lastly how bloody difficult it can be being a new mother and how little help and support many get is just so wrong.

I want every mother to be happy and confident in her mothering and to have made genuine choices. I've heard so many who are sad and upset because they didn't get the right support, it makes me cross.

I couldn’t have been happy unless I was giving my baby the best start possible. I’m glad that other mums can obviously but for me I would have been distraught not to be able to breastfeed. It was the best (and hardest) thing I’ve ever done.

and it's funny because I feel the opposite and formula feeding gave me an easier life. 😂I do like to be organised and scheduled so you definitely might have a point there but then, especially with twins, I almost felt like I had little choice.

But I think it's also just what you become used to as well. Like several people who have breastfed talk about taking nothing out but a nappy bag with nappies and just like those nappies soon become second nature when going out, so do bottles and whatever setup you use for bottles outside of the house plus like I'm assuming most people do with extra nappies, I always had some ready to feed formula thrown in just in case, especially when travelling to anticipate any potential delays. But it doesn't take any more thought than packing the nappies because it becomes just as normal as those nappies if you see what I mean.

Sorry, yes – you're right. I did say social messaging but didn't give that the weight it deserves! I totally agree with everything you say here.

My older daughter was breastfed for fifteen and a half months with no formula, and I have no idea what you’re talking about with “lovely poos that smell delightful.” Human excrement smells bad, end of.

How you feed is only a small decision you will make as they grow up. Out of your DC’s friends can you tell how they were fed?

I can’t remember where I read this, but someone once said, “Breastfeeding is only ‘free’ if we accept that women’s time is worth nothing.”

That's all very well and good, but it doesn't really mean anything does it?

I wasn't getting paid for any of my parenting and neither was my DH, so I suppose neither of our time looking after our children was worth a thing. I'm not sure how spending loads on formula would've been helpful to either of us? It wouldn't have got anyone paid for their time, that's for sure.

I considered it free because...we didn't have to spend money on it, and not being well off, that actually meant something to us.

It's not about other people though, it's about her wanting to breastfeed her baby because she thinks it's best for her baby. I wanted to breastfeed mine for similar reasons. I couldn't give a fig what others believe or choose for themselves, I just care they get supported in the choices they make.

But to be fair, when I was on mat leave, I wasn't really doing much with my time anyway. And when I was bf, I was often scrolling or reading or watching TV. In lots of ways, bf actually meant I didn't have to do the washing up etc, because 'i think dc need a feed'.

Then when I was back in work, bf was just part of the morning/bedtime routine. Way harder when I was trying to get them to eat breakfast before leaving the house.

I think this is the difference between those for whom BFing fully “worked”
and for those for whom it didn’t.

For me, BFing was unreliable and anxiety-inducing (because of low supply - my milk didn’t even come in until eight weeks). Whereas buying formula and bottle prep were secure, reliable and a nice routine to be in, and one that was fully shared with my partner. I enjoyed the organisation aspect of it, whereas BFing was so uncertain.

I think the discussion around unpaid labour by mum's and women is a huge area.

Between 33 and 44 minutes a week. Plus if we’d had grandparent help probably even less than that.

Compared to triple feeding a newborn which takes up at least two out of every three hours every 24 hour period, so 16 hours a day.

Once they’re on solids, no one’s poo is delightful. But in the early days, bf poo does smell quite a lot less offensive than ff poo. Not that this would be part of anyone’s decision making process since it’s such an unimportant thing. It is true though in my experience that bf poo doesn’t smell bad.

Personality type and messaging, but family/cultural background also plays a huge part IMO. I came from a family with loads of women in it and I don’t remember seeing any of them ff their babies. Everyone bf; it was the norm in our family. So when I was having a baby, I just assumed I would bf. I’m sure the opposite is true in families where everyone formula feeds.

There are a lot of things you can’t tell just by looking at someone. This is such a pointless argument.

I'm really sorry you had such a hard time.

I struggled with establishing BFing with my first. For various reasons, including difficult birth, etc. Needed lots and lots of help, from HV, midwives (some of whose advice was actually actively damaging), baby group, other mothers, La Leche league, Kellymom, GP, etc.

Once past the early days, though, it was also one of the easiest and most rewarding things and I'm really proud of managing to re-establish it.

That's not to undermine anyone else's choices or experiences.

There is an enormous difference, imo, between the establishing bit, which can take anything from a few hours to a few weeks, and the following months/years.