Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

I did both. I found I went out less when formula feeding, because it's so much more faff than if you have established breastfeeding. I also found the washing up and sterilising at home really annoying. I remember going on holiday and having to pack loads of stuff for feeding, and washing up bottles and sterilising them in a hotel room and finding that miserable. For these reasons I would try breastfeeding again for the next child, and I say that as someone who had loads of difficulties with it.

I agree with every word of this.
I wish people would stop perpetuating the narrative that all BF mums are martyrs and struggle and only BF because they’ve been pressured to. It isn’t my experience and isn’t the experience of any other BFing mum I know.

I didn’t even know there was a formula vs breast debate when I was pregnant. The midwife asked me how I planned to feed and I said “I am going to breastfeed”. The only reason I made this decision was because it was totally logical and rational to me that breast milk produced by my own body is going to be better for my baby than a freeze dried substitute that can sit on a shelf for months without going off.

Gosh, that's lucky! Happily I'm the sort who can get back to sleep in twenty seconds flat so we found co-sleeping ideal, even with them waking a few times a night.
We're all different, so I suppose it makes sense we all thrive best with different set-ups!

Just go with the flow and follow your instincts.

I will never understand why the washing up and sterilising is considered such a faff. We alternated days so it’s something I did 3 or 4 times per week.

It took 5 mins to wash up the bottles in the hottest water at the start of washing up. Then 6 mins in a microwave steam steriliser whilst doing the rest of the washing up.

That’s 11 minutes three or four times per week.

Same for me. The night feeds were so easy, I would sit up and feed, then just flop back to sleep. No getting up and making up a bottle. Also so much easier to travel anywhere, once on a train journey we had a really long stop as the train ahead broke down. No problem as you always have a ready supply of milk. Going out anywhere is easy, you just take nappies and wipes etc, you don’t need to worry about bottles. I was also reassured re immunity for my newborns. I was an older mother so I had every childhood disease including measles, and my milk gave my babies decent immunity.
They also got far fewer colds than friends’ formula fed babies.
It was tricky at the very beginning, but I then fed for a really long time, one baby and then the other, all through my pregnancy, with very few issues . A blocked duct twice but nothing else.

It's a personal choice so give it a go & see how you feel. Every new Mums experience of breast feeding is different so what works for some may not work for others. I EBF both of my children & loved it. To me it was so much easier & less time consuming as I didn't have to prep bottles or wait for them to heat up. I saved money by not having to Buy formula & at night there was no faffing getting a bottle made up & having a crying baby waiting during the process. Both my babies didn't suffer wind or colic either & slept through all night pretty quick. If you have problems with latching on or sore nipples speak with your Midwife who will advise you & direct you to support. Also BFB will get enough from you as long as you eat & drink well so you produce enough milk. Mine never lost any weight at all, even their first weigh in they had gained so it was all good for me. Give it a try & see how you feel & go from there, but don't put pressure on yourself if it doesn't work or isn't for you. A happy Mum means a happy baby so do what's best for you both.

I think there’s also worries about plastics. Personally I don’t heat any food in plastic for myself so I wouldn’t do it for a newborn either by way of microwave or dishwasher sterilisation.

Obviously glass bottles are an option too but come at a cost and fragility.

I personally found breast feeding way easier than formula. I found that I could feed without having to think about sterilising, packing loads of stuff and waiting for water to be the right temperature. I can equally see that some mums might find formula suits them better. It's a really personal choice and what works for you is the right choice. Maybe keep an open mind and see what works best for you?

But the time taken would be the same whether glass or plastic bottles?

As someone for whom EBFing made my baby seriously ill, it feels like a luxury to be worrying about plastic use.

You can say that about so many things - why worry about plastics, pesticides and antibiotics in the food chain at all given there’s people starving in sub Saharan Africa.

It's assuming that just because they formula feed, they ignore any evidence though.

If I thought breastfeeding would be life changing and make a huge difference for my DC then I would've breastfed. I didn't find any evidence of that and certainly not at an individual level.

So I saw no need to force myself to do something I really didn't want to do anyway, especially as the alternative had benefits that did appeal to me.

Me either.

There's also so many things available to make it easier and easier too such as self sterilising bottles which we found to be great.

and like you said too, it isn't all on you because someone else can do it.

For me, I felt that I’d been given the wrong information. BFing was so over-promoted - posters all over midwife clinics, GP surgery, Sure Start centre. It was constantly pushed throughout pregnancy. There were support groups all over the place.

Nobody mentioned anything about the risks of BFing, potential downsides. That it might not “work”. There was no mention and no support for combi-feeding or using formula. I even had midwives refuse to provide information about sterilising in hospital despite my seriously ill baby being readmitted because of EBF.

I don’t feel like I made an informed choice to BF.

Fed my 3 until ages 2,3 and 4 (in reverse though actually - my youngest daughter weaned sooner). I never had problems getting going, they just latched on after birth and carried on! They did feed very frequently, and now they’re teenagers I’d definitely say they should have had a tongue-tie snipped (all have short tongues). Very very rarely ever missed a day of nursery or school as they built their immunity through me.
Just to add to everyone else’s posts - loved the certainty of having a supply! Remember in COVID when people were after the last tins on the shelves? I remember a lift door briefly jammed when I was in it with my 6 week old - only stuck for about 5 mins - but I knew she’d be ok for days if needed 🤣

Also, I always say, there’s loads of mistakes I’ve made as a parent. But I breastfed, and I co-slept (3 kids) and never let a baby cry to sleep even once. I look back and feel satisfied with my decisions when they were babies. Like it’s something I definitely ‘did right’ - backed by the evidence-base.

I think it's because it's being compared to having to do nothing. It's not a lot of work necessarily, but for me it would've still been more work than BFing was.

I know for me, it was blissful to able to just feed the baby whenever and wherever in those early days, if they were hungry or upset, without having to be organised, prepared, or even get up out of my seat. I'd sit and feed and read, or knit, or even play video games sometimes, and there was no need to do anything!

You don't always have to do it though because you don't need boobs to wash or sterilise bottles. As pp said, I didn't even do it every day because DH did his fair share.

We didn't need to be organised when around the house either really, perfect prep machine has a fresh bottle ready within 90 seconds. and again, I didn't have to do it at all if DH was home and it was his turn.

It’s that someone else can do the feedings and other tasks. When friends and family visited and asked how they could help - bottle sterisling, giving a bottle, restocking the perfect prep

This was my experience too. I'm astonished now that professionals don't give new mums balanced information about the pros and cons of breast and formula.

It's very telling that there is still such a widespread myth that everyone can bf if they have the right support, and that people will still shout until they're blue in the face that if you do it right your baby will thrive. Actually, not always. You can do it all right and your baby die from insufficient supply. Not one person ever even admitted that what I was going through was normal, and that not everyone can breastfeed their baby safely. I've even had people claim that it's a lie that my newborn was readmitted for starvation due to ebf.

I'm sorry it got you too.

Exactly.

It was probably the biggest benefit for me, especially when I had twins and I know you had twins too. Relatable.

So nearly an hour that bf mums dont need to do

It doesn't need to be done by the mum though. The dad can do it, a grandparent etc.

It isn't something I did every day.

It was the stress for me. Needing something to be sterile and worrying about germs.

Plus the poos. Breastfed babies do lovely poos which smell delightful. I know from changing the nappies of my friends’ formula fed babies that the poos are noxious.

Plus, bottles really cause a lot of digestive issues for my baby. So there was all that extra stress.