Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

I don’t know about that. I BF all of my DC and found it easier then FF sounds. I couldn’t be arsed with the faff of sterilising and washing equipment and with making the actual bottles up, including during the night. I could just pop a boob in and go back to sleep (I co slept with them all).

Yes! Support to breastfeed is great and so necessary for women who are interested in trying (as BFing does have a lot of advantages at the demographic level), but with the normalisation of switching to formula if BFing isn't working out. Aside from a general lack of support, everything's very polarised, and there's often a real sense of guilt and failure pushed onto mums who can't establish BFing for whatever reason.

Overall it’s very very clear that breastfeeding has benefits for the health of babies in the long term but I do think in those first few years all babies get sick when they start nursery it’s par for the course . I’ve 2 one was breastfed the other bottle fed . My breastfed baby got one infection after the other after starting nursery like everyone else and is a very fussy eater despite being introduced to all sorts of foods during weaning. Also I don’t know why they felt pressure to go back to work quicker. Who was putting this pressure on them exactly?

It’s often financial considering the woeful state of maternity pay in this country!

This is everything I was going to post! So easy to get out of the house, we took dc abroad in their first years too. Flights were easy and no need to plan or worry about feeding them when we got there.

I was only able to breastfeed one of my DD but either she was very hungry or I just didn't produce enough milk because after every feed she'd be hungry and I ended up giving her a bottle anyway. After 2 months I just switched to formula. With my first and third there were problems after the birth soI didn't attempt it with them.
If everything goes well why not try breastfeeding? If it doesn't work it doesn't matter. Whatever you decide don't ever feel guilty for it. The important thing is loving and caring for your baby, no matter how it's fed.

Feelings don't trump reality.

Why do posters feel it is their right to criticise other people’s parenting decisions?

How you feed your baby doesn’t make you a better parent or love your baby any less.

There are massive health benefits for baby and mother from breastfeeding. Did you know women who breastfeed have a lower risk of certain cancers?

Nobody said it meant that. But breastfeeding has health and development advantages for baby. This is a fact. The fact some women can’t do it is very sad for them but doesn’t remove the fact that breastfeeding is the healthiest choice for the child.

I have bottle-fed and breastfed two different babies.
Breastfeeding is phenomenally easier.
I had DS1 during COVID and there was no support when I was struggling breastfeeding and my nipples were 100% scab and bleeding and sore so I moved to bottle. Having to have it with me all the time was so stressful. Carrying hot water and dry powder and then cold boiled water everywhere I went. Making bottles at night. Washing and sterilising. It is a huge job. It didn't help that my ex was abusive and if asked would deliberately fuck stuff up. He wouldn't clean the bottles properly and then he'd sterilised them and the steriliser would end up with milk in it because he'd done that bad of a job and there's still be old milk stuck in the teat or air trap thing. So I'd have to rewash everything, including the steriliser.

DS2 a breastfeeding support team came out on day 5, they rang a few times and I said I was struggling so they came straight out the next day, showed me where I was going wrong, checked in for a while after that. I breastfed him until he naturally weaned at about 18 month during this pregnancy. Bloody easy after those first few days. I could feed him anywhere in a second. No making bottles and waiting for them to cool while a baby screams, no waking up to make bottles and then having to wash and sterilise everything. It was so so much easier.

That wasn’t my question - everyone can easily research pro and cons of every decision we make.

Someone isn’t a better parent by breast feeding or loves their baby more.

Nobody said they were…

I bf for 14 mths with my first, 3 mths with my second. BF was easier once we got the hang of it. I regret not introducing a bottle though because it was me or nothing. Bottle feeding is hard because of all the cleaning and it's expensive too.

In my experience establishing breast feeding is really hard but once you and baby have got the hang of it it's much easier and far cheaper (obvs) than bottle feeding. But if you don't have support are unwell or your baby is a terrible sleeper it can be a nightmare. I think being happy with feeding, whatever you choose is what makes for happier Mum's.

If you FF for frivolous reasons like wanting to wear "cute and expensive tops" or want x persons to "bond" with the baby, for example, you are deliberate removing the option that most benefits the baby's long term health (and your own) and you should expect criticism. Obviously, there are valid reasons some babies can not be breast fed that are outside the mother's control or where it's taking too much of a toll on her overall wellbeing (although if we had proper publicly funded BF support numbers would be a lot smaller). I am baffled by the levels of hostility shown to those who point out that BF is the optimal first route wherever possible - that is unwarranted criticism.

Nah, don’t feel sad for me that I couldn’t breastfeed. It wasn’t sad at all. I was quite happy that I wasn’t our DD’s sole source of nutrition. I’d already spent 9 months growing her and being her sole source of nutrition and life. I was quite happy that the responsibility for keeping her alive was now a shared responsibility between DH and me.

Honestly I really wouldn't concern yourself with the health benefits argument and stuff. There is nothing that makes your baby healthier than having a happy healthy mum. My experience is that breastfeeding is easier for me.

If you find you don't like it or it's hard or you need to work then it's really not going to hurt your baby.

You don't spend your whole parenting life doing the absolute best thing for your children every day, sometimes you put them in a buggy when they could walk because it's quicker, sometimes you get them a maccies or crisps from the shop because you're busy, sometimes you sit them in front of the TV for too long while you cook dinner or just drink a hot cup of tea. Doing your best is sometimes doing what's best for you.

For those mentioning the health benefits of breastfeeding and its protection against illness, why did my DH suffer so many ear infections as a child despite being breastfed until at least 3 or 4 years old? Why does he now have an autoimmune illness that requires biologic injections to keep him alive and functioning? Wasn’t all the breastmilk supposed to protect him from everything for life?

I BF both of mine.
I bought bottles and had formula ready and told myself no pressure, just see how it goes.
Personally i found it very easy, push past the first couple of days which can be sore on your ripples but after that its a breeze. No getting up at night to make bottles, no worrying about running out or faffing trying to cool a bottle quickly, just pick up baby, latch and done!
Can always combi feed if u want hubby to take a turn and if it doesnt go well switch over, no drama.
Don't pressure yourself either way, your baby your body your choice.
Some people make horrible comments about other mothers choices but as long as baby is fed and cared for its nobody else's business, just do what feels right for you.
My only advise is if you are considering BFing then start with that. The colostrum from the early days is a huge immune booster, give baby that few days and see how u get on, if its not for you then make the switch, but u can't start on formula then go the other way and that very eaely milk is so good for them that its the ideal reason to give it a no pressure attempt x

I found it really easy and enjoyable. It gave me a lot of freedom in the newborn-to-9 months stage as I could easily go out for coffee or lunch alone or with friends without having to pack a load of stuff or be interrupted, since a baby on the boob is very chilled out. Long flights and train journeys were more comfortable too.

It sounds a bit like you’re looking for justifications not to BF. You don’t need to though - if you prefer to FF, just do that, it’s completely your choice. If you think FF is going to somehow make you less tired, you might be disappointed. Babies are exhausting. You’ll be knackered either way.

You have no idea about my username. It’s actually a political statement against a fuckwit politician. But you go off and judge away.

My DD had an extensive tongue tie that wasn’t detected by any medical staff. She couldn’t latch. For my own health DD would have been FF before long anyway. No point giving her breastmilk if mum would have been exhausted, depressed, and unable to interact with her apart from feeding. She’s a teenager now. Very healthy. No ear infections ever. Teeth are great. No asthma. Guess formula isn’t evil after all.

But why does one parent feel they have a right to criticise how someone else is raising their baby?
I chose to use formula and have very healthy DC’s . I only care about the health of my DC’s - everyone else can make their own decisions

This x1000!