Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

I did try to BF but it didn’t work out.
FF turned out good because my DH could share it with me. We ended up doing ‘shifts’ eg I’d go to bed from 8/9pm - 1am and then he’d go to bed. Baby fed every 2 hours so it wasn’t too bad, being able to share it worked well.

I’ve had quite mixed experiences with my 3DC…I gave breast feeding a go each time.

First DC was a very hungry baby and I didn’t quite get the hang of it. Never felt he was satisfied and unfortunately I didn’t really get opportunity to establish a proper rhythm as I went down with flu when he was just over 4 weeks and dried up. I tried for weeks to get things going again but it didn’t happen so he was formula-fed thereafter. He was just the happiest and easiest baby and I could set my watch to his feeding times. Yes, obviously a bit of extra work with cleaning and sterilising bottles but once it’s part of your routine you just get on with it.

Second baby, I so wanted breastfeeding to work out this time, despite the ease of ff with DC1. I tried so hard and persevered for 12 weeks but it was awful. I hated it and DC2 hated it. Again, never seemed satisfied and she fell asleep every bloody time but then woke up and screamed if I took her off breast. It was a relentless cycle. We were both miserable for 12 weeks but I thought I was doing what was best for her. At 12 weeks I couldn’t take it any more and switched to formula. Overnight she turned into a different baby…she settled down and was easy and happy from that point onwards.

At this point I just assumed I was crap at bf so when DC3 was born I thought I’d do it for first few weeks and then go on to bottle. But she was an amazing breastfeeder and we both got it almost immediately. It was just easy and stress-free to just pop her on the boob on demand. She was diagnosed with CMPA quite early on so I ended up breastfeeding for 2 years. Amazing the difference between my struggles with the first two and then my third!

Picking up on some mums who felt judged with the “breast is best” message…

I think we - “we”’as in all mums, suffer from the push to bf.

it’s all well and good HCP’ s pushing bf, when the reality is there’s a lot of false information around bf, and also very little actual, real help. Bf has been lost to many generations- none of my family bf, and they were constantly worrying. Baby not sleeping through at 6 weeks? Not feeding 4 hourly? Are you sure your milk is “rich” enough? How do you know they’re getting enough? They might be waking because they’re starving…

i very rarely mentioned I was bf as it usually brought out a lecture from the other mum on how they “couldn’t” bf. Usually based on bad advice- my baby was over 8lbs so they told me I wouldn’t have enough milk, or they’d describe cluster feeding and say that’s how they knew they weren’t producing any milk.

i even had one mum saying she’d had to put rusk in the formula as she had such a hungry baby, so there’s no way she could have breastfed.

i’d make sympathetic noises but it did frustrate me that so many mums seemed to feel they had to justify not breastfeeding, in great detail. and also that I couldn’t say well that’s normal behaviour for a bf baby, without sounding like I was judging.

I don’t think it’s a choice for many, as they aren’t given the correct advice. I also think women should be able to say they simply didn’t want to, without fear of judgement, and I actually think that would be better for bf rates than perpetuating misinformation when trying to justify FF.

Loaded question. My first, I bf, was fantastic because I could sit at home, feed. Watch box sets. Go see friends without apparatus. It was simple.
my second, I bf too. Slightly harder as my toddler toddled and needed me. Box sets couldn’t happen. Or had to be peppa pig.
less interesting that GoT. But it still worked. I’m still happy I did it. Do what works.

There is a lot of misinformation out there, I think. Especially in the distant past - and much of it gets passed down.

I remember my MIL (who FF) telling me that she'd had to start feeding my DH baby rice at 3 months (!) because he was 'so hungry', which is just utter nonsense and bad for the gut. She was initially convinced that I wouldn't be able to produce enough milk, and then when I clearly did, worried aloud a lot that I was going to overfeed them and said I should feed them less often. Luckily I was very confident in my choices, so just nodded and smiled and did what I thought best, but honestly, sometimes it's a minefield if you're not well-informed of all the facts and options.

I did find that quite a few mums who FF got quite defensive and prickly with me when they found out I breastfed and talked about how they couldn't - and there were a surprising number of comments along the lines of 'oh, I wouldn't want to ruin my breasts by breastfeeding!' 😬 So I think there's often judgement and nastiness in both directions.

This is the exact mindset that convinced me I needed to keep breastfeeding when I was literally fresh out of a psych ward. “It’s not all about you anymore, and good mothers sacrifice everything for their babies, even their own happiness. The baby is EBF, so who gives a fuck if the baby’s mother wants to slit her wrists?! As long as she doesn’t actually do it, it’s all fine.”

I'm the opposite. Always felt sorry for the mums who ended up formula feeding. Such a faff. The only tricky part of BF waa the initial bit getting baby to latch and then dealing with sore ripples for a few days. After that it was 100x easier BF aa could just pop baby on whenever needed, barely woke up in the night, no need to organise milk when going out, much nicer nappies.
Pumping was also more hassle than it was worth. I only did it if I really had to be away from baby for more than four hours which was rare.

Seriously, right?! “I can’t imagine why anyone would ever want to put chemicals into their precious little angel unless they’re selfish sociopaths and the only other alternative is feeding the baby literal dirt!” 😂

Definitely.

Much longer than just putting baby on the breast. And in the middle of the night who wants to be getting out of bed, given the choice?

Yes, it's not a nice comment at all. Even if breast is statistically best nutritionally in the ideal circumstances, individuals are all different, and what's best for a baby is to have a happy, healthy mum and be fed a perfectly healthy formula, rather than for a mum to feel pressured to do something that leaves her stressed and struggling. What's best for one family won't be best for another, once all the variables are taken into account.

Both have pros and cons..

Some people prefer breast and thats great.
Some prefer formula and that great.

It's your choice. 💯

Breast milk will have benefits such as nutrition, antibodies, lowers risk of infection and is a form of bonding etc.

Formula was originally invented to reduce the high child mortality rate and was given as a substitute for babies who could not be breastfed due to maternal illness, death, or a mother's inability to produce milk.

A fed baby is best.
I personally FF. My pal BF.
Both kids are fine 💯

Again... it's your choice either way. And that's what matters. 🫂
@ChristmasBaby2026

Congratulations, OP!

My tuppence: I did both at different stages. Pros and cons whichever you do. Right this minute, I hate FF because I just remembered that I hadn’t switched on the steriliser and had to leave my cozy bed to go downstairs to it. I will be glad of FF when DH does the 6am feed. You do you and you’ll be great. Enjoy the magical newborn snuggles.

I would say try BF, it's a real bonding experience, although I could only do it for 10 weeks, then felt like a shitty mother, then PND set in, but looking back, that bonding time was so special. You do you OP, what works for you will work for your baby. Congratulations x

I ended up bottle feeding both my children. DH was involved in feeding. Some women I know breezed through breastfeeding, for others it was very painful and all around difficult. Whatever you decide works best for your family, don’t allow anyone to question it or shame you.

That's probably correct, the reason breastfeeding babies have a lower rate of sids is that it's biologically normal sleep for babies to wake to feed at night. Ff babies are using a food which is harder to digest so sleep more deeply and for longer therefore less likely to take at terminal events.

Its a myth that ff babies sleep longer. Its down to the baby.

Be the happy mum because we can do whatever we want now. If it was the end of the world you’d have no choice but to breast feed but we are in the age of choice now. Choose whatever makes you happier

Also agree 100 per cent. I also chose to FF and yes it has its own challenges but women who BF, except for the odd one, seem to have so many problems it feels like they’re martyring themselves tbh. Mastitis, babies failing to feed, babies not thriving (I’ve seen mothers force it with BF even though their babies are not gaining weight and thriving and even when professionals have suggested supplementing with FF), as you say babies just generally fussier. It feels to me like most women BF because it’s expected and to say ‘look at me, I’m such a great martyr mum.’ For some women it works great, minimal issues. Some of them focus so much on BF they don’t really seem to enjoy their babies.

Your statement of are mums of formula feed babies happier is very sweeping. My baby could of been ordering himself a takeaway but I was hideously unhappy with post natal depression and just being alive felt too much most days.

Breastfeeding has huge benefits and you should do what is best for your child rather than trying to have an easy Life.

Or they wanted to avoid giving their child ultra processed garbage with no immune system benefits?

Really? That's an odd, blanket statement, and not at all accurate! All women who BF 'except for the odd one' have 'so many problems' it seems like they're martyring themselves?? That's just silly!
I think very few women who successfully breastfeed feel like a martyr. And I don't know why they'd want to be seen as martyrs!

I had the opposite experience. The women I knew who BF past the first few weeks generally enjoyed it and found it easy (with some hiccups), while the mums who FF often seemed defensive and insecure about it – I occasionally copped passive aggressive comments if I BF in front of mums who were FF, which wasn't fun.

There were a good number of women who wanted to BF and gave up/couldn't do it in the first month or so though, and they often had real feelings of failure or guilt, which is very sad as there's nothing wrong with FF.

Terrible! My late mum said in the early 90s someone threw out her pumped breast milk because they "objected" to it being in the fridge. So awful

Totally agree with this. Most of the mums I know in my area BF but then we until recently had a birth centre that was amazing for breastfeeding support and postpartum aftercare. I think the lack of breastfeeding support + pressure to do it in this country is awful