Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

I loved breast feeding both of mine. It was one of the most rewarding things I've ever done. It was also ao much less faff to go out than when I have been out with formula feeding mums. I have been fortunate that both mine took expressed bottles so I didn't feel tied to them and could go out socially again when I felt ready. Don't write it off based on other people's experience. Give it a go and see if it works for you. If it doesn't formula is always available.

This. You put in the effort initially and then your life is easier.
To be honest I try not to go on about the benefits and lovely, closeness of breast feeding as I don’t want mums who had to ff to feel bad. It’s a shame some ff mums don’t feel the same. It really isnt a competition.

After the initial pain and drama of learning to BF, I found it so bloody easy. Always ready, quick and no clean up! It was sometimes isolating though, if I had to nip out of a room to breastfeed (not because anyone asked me to! But sometimes as DC was so distractible when feeding) but generally I loved it.

I breastfed, partly out of laziness. Couldn’t be bothered with the faff of bottles. The weight-loss, despite eating like a pig, was a big bonus.

I think most mothers feel close to their babies
They carried them for nine months and gave birth to them
Which is very bonding for them
You dont need to feel sorry for them.

Lots of ff mums seem to need to prove something, this thread being a case in point. Also, lots of mums want to breastfeed and can’t so banging on about how brilliant it is seems rude.
I don’t feel sorry for them as such I’m just trying to be polite.

I bottle fed first, 2nd baby 4m old and I EBF! Wow I’m so much happier, I find it much easy to breastfeed than bottle!

I completely disagree.
I have exclusively formula fed one baby, and exclusively breastfed the other.

I found breastfeeding difficult to start with as I did have a few blocked ducts and then mastitis. However, I found it significantly less stressful than formula feeding as I didn't have to plan ahead at all. I pumped too, so my fiance was able to give my expressed milk to out baby later on. Other benefits I found were burping took way less time than FF, my EBF baby pooed wayyyy less than my FF baby.

Both of my babies slept through from 13 weeks, I nearly didnt breastfeed my second as I was terrified they wouldn't sleep.

I don't think theres a blanket 'one is harder than the other'. I think it's luck and I got very lucky that I had two great sleepers, I had a good supply of milk and my EBF baby took a dummy so never really fed for comfort so wasn't permanently attached to me.

If I was to have another, I would choose BF based on my experience. I know many mums have a hard time breastfeeding and I know how lucky I am that it was plain sailing, mastitis aside.

I think it depends on how easy it is to establish BF. I planned to EBF only to fail at every hurdle (traumatic birth, anterior and posterior tongue tie, literally no supply despite trying to BF every four hours and pump every four hours, only to manage max 1ml of milk and mostly blood). I gave up after 3 weeks because I was already having to give top up and it just nearly broke me. It was also the start of lock down and there was no support.

I would argue that the challenges of BF would likely be much harder than the challenges of FF, but then if it’s easy to establish BF it’s likely the easiest of all. I think each situation is unique. But for me, yes FF was so much easier (and honestly the only viable option) than BF.

We are talking about biological facts related to breastfeeding. Of course most children don’t but they are more likely to if they aren’t breastfed compared to ones that are.

Hardly

And my formula feed baby is as healthy as a horse and my breast fed one actually did get cancer.

But that's just coincidence as there's no link either way. Breastfeeding doesn't protect against cancer, neither does bottle feeding. Things like this are just bad luck and it's really cruel to parents to suggest otherwise unless there is a very strong evidential link, which there simply isn't.

I think it’s almost impossible to make a decision until you have actually had your baby - you won’t know until you try it, how you actually feel about breast feeding. I found it ok, but not an amazing experience - I felt just as bonded to my babies when bottle feeding as when breast feeding (I did a mix of bottle feeding pumped milk, and breast feeding right from the first few weeks with all of mine). At 4 or 5 months I switched to formula & breast combi feeding in preparation for going back to work (and this formal feeding) at 6 months. That worked for me, and I was very happy and chilled, as were my babies.

I think some mums love breast feeding so much that it transcends any tiredness or frustration at being tied to having their baby with them 100% of the time. I always say to new mums it’s worth giving breast feeding a go if you want to try it to see whether you love it or not, and then make your informed decision about how to feed your baby.

The problem is people are dogmatic about it. Of course it is a problem if only mum can do nights, bedtime etc cos breastfeeding. But the whole pressure not to give a bottle at all til they are quite old (and then refuse it) traps people in.

Saw the poll results and laughed my head off. Of course middle class mumsnet all want you to breastfeed. These are the people who literally ruined my first experience of motherhood by making me feel I wasn't good enough because i bottle fed my baby as bf wasn't established due to a traumatic birth and 2 weeks in NICU as he had an infection. The local nct group used to talk about nothing else but another group called breast mates exclusively for bf mothers. Fuck them all OP. If you want to bottle feed you will be happier and much less exhausted. You can't have a happy baby if mum is literally a shadow of her former self. I really tried for so long, i even got a medela hospital grade pump and it just wasn't happening. If it doesnt happen for you please don't kill yourself trying to live up to the middle class mummy brigade. Fed is best and happy mums have happy babies. Sending solidarity. Neither of my kids have any allergies, asthma, eczema or any of the other shit they tell you they will get if you don't bf them. Do what is right for you at the time and only listen to your own body.

Why is it a problem if only mum can do nights? I never found it was.

dh was working anyway so I would do the night feeds while on mat leave, regardless of feeding method. I also tended to wake anyway, even if he did do a feed, so it seemed pointless both of us being awake.

Conversely I felt a lot of pressure to bottle feed. It’s all well and good but after a couple of weeks people start asking why put yourself through it, give yourself a break, and of course the guilt of “but we want to be able to feed the baby!” Making you feel selfish for not “sharing”.

like I said I actually found I got more of a break being “tied” to a bf baby as it forced everyone to actually be helpful in ways I needed. When they were able to feed it meant they got a break sitting on the sofa feeding while I was the one running about making tea, loading the dishwasher, cleaning up etc…it also meant I had a ready excuse when my baby was weeks old and people thought I should be “getting out”. I’d had a brutal section, I didn’t want to be going shopping, or out for lunch, or to get my nails done, or away for a girls weekend. I wanted to rest and recover.

bottom line is it’s your baby, do what you want. I think the only thing I would never recommend is pumping/expressing. Fuck that for a game of soldiers, it’s triple the work. Just give formula.

Im not sure what you’re talking about but you do know that anecdotes aren’t evidence? Breastfeeding doesn’t mean your kids won’t get cancer either.
What I’m talking about are facts which do have evidence that we have known about for years and I suggest you can look this up yourself if you don’t want to believe it. You can not seriously think all research shows things are bad luck.

It sounds like you want to FF which is absolutely fine, but you don’t need to demonise breastfeeding beforehand to make that choice.

No one knows the best way for them to feed their baby until the baby is here and your baby isn’t due for quite some time! Once he or she arrives you can decide whatever works for you.

I found breastfeeding made my life sooo much easier, and I honestly loved every single moment of it. But I have friends who couldn't get on with it at all. It’s not for everyone, and every baby is different.

Your baby isn’t due for months. Just try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and you can figure it all out when the time comes.

I think Yabu.

I heard plenty of horror stories about breastfeeding before I had my own child. But it turned out that it came very easily to me and I loved it. Never needed nipple cream or worried if they were eating enough. You never know until you try.

I know loads of other people who breastfed for years and tbh they don't seem any more tired or stressed than the formula feeders.

Personally I think I was less tired because I could breastfeed in bed instead of having to faff about making up bottles.

The tired Mums I know generally have terrible sleepers unrelated to feeding.

They grow out of the need and start falling asleep independently, it’s not a crutch, it’s a developmentally normal behaviour.

whatever works for the mum. Personally I breastfed all mine but the game changer for my second and third babies was getting them to take a dummy. The self soothing saved my sanity.

I combifed my first and exclusively breastfeed my second. Establishing breastfeeding can be tricky, but there is absolutely a sweet spot where it's all established where you can just breastfeed reading your Kindle, it's just so peaceful and relaxing.

You don't need to get up constantly at night, we coslept so at least it's all lying down!

And travelling through airports, even just out and about is a LOT easier than faffing with bottles, sterilisers etc. You don't need to think about or bring half as much stuff.

My second is extremely independent and not fussy or clingy. I think that's just a personality thing.

Weaning off the breast was hard with my second though (easy with my first). That took ages, and I did feel touched out by the end.

But some of the best mat leave memories were of sofa cuddles/breastfeeding/reading.

The one feeding related thing I'm really not a fan of is pumping. Strongly dislike it!

My family is firmly working class - poor as church mice - and I breastfed my babies easily, well into their toddler years. So it's not always middle class mums! I found it was actually more the very lower class mums in my area who were likely to breastfeed for an extended length of time when I had babies, as they were more likely to stay at home for the first few years because they didn't have a good career to go back to, just a minimum wage job that would hardly pay for daycare.

I'm sorry you felt judged for FFing - it clearly caused you a lot of unhappiness. I always think if you feel you've made the best choice for you, and your individual situation, then you should feel confident and happy in yourself about it, and never mind what anyone else might think. They don't know what's best for you, only what works for them.

@Anothermoomin

aw don’t worry, you don’t need to try to be polite! It doesn’t matter how a woman feeds - they are close to their baby because he/she literally grew inside them! Can’t get closer than that 😀

10 months EBF and don’t identify with most of what you say.

✅ tired
❌ stressed
❌ housebound
✅ chained to baby
❌ worry about latch (not since she was about 4 days old)
❌ sore nipples
❌ engorged breasts
❌ worry about how much baby is eating (nappies will tell you this)
❌ miserable

To me, the formula mums are the ones having to carry around little bags and thermal devices, heating, measuring, sterilising. I take my hat off to them. That’s way more work to me than just lifting my top, and now at 10 months the baby even does that for me! I’ve been out and about since 3 days postpartum and breastfeeding has made me so easy going and flexible. I’m not the most organised so I’m sure I’d forget things!