Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

Yasssss! I don’t want to have to forego fashion. It’s not a case of ‘comfort at all costs’ when you become a mum…that’s a slippery slope..

Who said I'd take away choices? I said it's crazy that you wouldn't want to go to great lengths to attempt breastfeeding. Formula feeding is a great alternative for those who have / or are struggling for whatever reason. But we shouldn't normalise people formula feeding from the off before they've even tried breastfeeding.

Agreed it just bashes other mothers choices
I dont care how other mothers choose to feed their babies nor should anyone else
Its a personsl choice
Do whats right for you
I bottle fed that was the right choice for me.

@FancyGoose

after 9/10 months of being pregnant, a lot of women are desperate to get the bodies back, and fair play to them!

So you would dictate that everyone has to try breast feeding even if that’s not their choice?

I am EBF baby number two. Baby number one I was extremely stressed out for the first few weeks as she had a tongue tie so feeding was extremely painful and a lot of work to get her to latch. It did become much easier after a while though.
Baby number two is an absolute dream in comparison. He latched straight away in hospital and we haven't looked back. No measuring, sterilising etc I just pop him on my boob whenever he fusses.
I would say keep an open mind about both options and do what feels right at the time.

I mean you're using mums net so I'm going to assume you can Google that research yourself? Even has long term benefits for the mother. Have a 5 minute google. There's lots of theory but also loads of evidence based stuff about how cancer rates / risks etc are lowered. But if we had the option wouldn't we all opt for lower risks for our kids?

Tbf, I was always more emo/punk than girly (which might make a difference), but I found it so easy to BF, play actively, and get involved while still wearing the same things as my peers. There's definitely no need to abandon your personal style just because you've had a baby!

BFing worked better for me.
DS1 was a bottle refuser. He also turned out to have CMPA. Had he been fed with bottles, I would have had an ill baby struggling to feed on expensive, unpleasant prescription formula.

DS2, I managed to feed on the go in slings, and in the night with co-sleeping.

Both are prone to issues like excema and asthma, so it's nice to know that their immune system had the optimal start. DS2 had chicken pox at 9w old, but wasn't particularly ill, possibly due to my anti-bodies.

By about 4m when I was feeling more human again, I could go out for short periods between feeds so I could manage things like fitness classes. That stretched out more during weaning. At 10m they ate enough solids that they managed milk-free in nursery while I went to work. With DS2, my supply was secure enough by 12m to go away for weekends and come back and feed, although the pump was needed for engorgement.

It wasn't totally problem-free. I had a couple of rounds of mastitis triggered by baby being ill, and the first few weeks aren't the easiest as you get used to it, but overall I found it a simple and convenient way to feed for the majority of the time, and didn't need the constant managing of bottles and cost and awkwardness of constantly getting formula (including by repeat prescription for DS1)

Formula absolutely has its place, but generally it's worth giving BFing a good go.

They promote breast is best and i have no doubt it is in ideal circumstances
My problem was and admittedly it may have changed now but there was absolutley fuck all support for those that wanted to give breast feeding ago but struggled intially
Maybe if they made the support more available less people wouldnt give up?

In my experience bf babies actually seem a lot happier. Less issues with digestion.

Four mums I know who were the most sleep deprived formula fed their babies and there were lots of digestion issues keeping the babies up and crying all night so the mums seemed a lot more unhappy. Formula milk is classed as an Ultra Processed Food so it made sense to me that it does cause digestion issues.

Of course some women are unable to bf and it is also not worth doing if it has a toll on their mental health but bf, from what I've seen, makes happier babies and mums on the whole. When you research all the benefits to mum and baby it makes sense.

Why not?

First 6 weeks: breastfeeding is harder

Post 6 weeks: formula feeding is harder

For me the focus wasn't on the ease of it, but instead the gut health, long term life long health benefits for baby, and reduced chance of A&E visits by breastfeeding. Worth all the efforts.

The googling doesn’t show me massive benefits for our kids. It demonstrates moderate short term benefits for children on a population level 🤷‍♀️. Certainly not blindingly obvious to me that it’s vital.

Reduction in risk of certain cancers is well established but is relevant for the mother not the child.

I struggled to breastfeed my daughter at first so switched to combi feeding and absolutely hated it. The thought of having to go downstairs and make a bottle was just too hard in the early days and I went back to breastfeeding as soon as I could. It was so much easier when out and about. And once it was established, she slept pretty well.
Didn’t trying formula with my son apart from a tricky second night in hospital.
I think every baby is different and you just do what works for you.

I think it’s bizarre to have a baby and not want to least TRY and do what is scientifically proven to be the best start for your child.
some of the reasons above like having to compromise your fashion choices to breastfeed, are not only selfish, silly reasons but also untrue.

It’s bloody brilliant thay formula exists, thank god that it does for women that cant breastfeed for whatever reason, but let’s not pretend it’s equal to breast milk when we all know scientifically it is not.

I loved breastfeeding my babies and it makes me feel so sad when I hear people aren't giving BF a go. Its just such an incredible gift to give to your baby and it's a lovely way to bond with them. I remember the feeling of relief of getting home after a busy day and sitting down with my baby to feed them, such a lovely way to reconnect.

Everyone I know who's tried to combi feed from the start has given up BF within the first couple of weeks, often when their partner is still on paternity leave and is very available to help still. Then they go back to work and mum is stuck doing all the bottle work solo! Popping them on the boob is just so easy.

Yes BF limits how long you can be separated from your baby (unless you express and baby will take a bottle), but to be honest I never wanted to leave my babies for more than a couple of hours anyway when they were little and EBF.

I have healthy DC’s now in their 20’s - totally formula fed. No allergies, no hospital admissions (apart from one broken leg!), no stomach problems, slept through by 4 months, no fussy eaters, good weight to height, I was back in pre pregnancy jeans after 2 months so not slow to loose weight

Healthy and happy

It’s also for the child. There is a higher risk of childhood leukaemia if not BF.

I’m sure most mothers would want to have a lower cancer risk for themselves though and be around for their child as long as possible.

You’re going to get some very heated responses OP. Bless you!

Personally I did both, and my mental health greatly improved when I stopped BF.

And this is a sample of one, so basically meaningless, but my child was the least ill out of all my friends’ children who were all BF.

Stop trying to guilt trip new mothers
Most children dont get leukaemia regardleas of wether they have been breast fed or bottle fed.

Well, judging by this thread the most angry and worked up seem to be those that BF.

I formula fed both of mine, it was useful to be able to share the feeds with my husband. I used the perfect prep machine which was a life saver

I think it depends on your character - if you want to be back out living your life quickly, and doing all the things you used to do, then of course formula feeding makes more sense. If that is likely to make you anxious, and you'll get comfort from nesting, then breastfeeding is worth a try. I found that the early weeks were harder with the breastfed one than the formula fed one, but after about 4 months the breastfed one was a doddle- I could go out for a full day without thinking beyond grabbing a handful of nappies and wipes.