Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

I agree!! I was much happier breastfeeding. Gutted i could breastfeed my third for long.

This is the problem with these types of threads it brings out the puritanical
Bottle feed/ Breast feed no one cares after this stage has finished
Mothers shouldnt be judging other mothers on the choices they mske that goes both ways .

We had severe cows' milk allergies in the family, so we didn't have much option - but they were both allergy-free when they were weaned and still are.

I think this is quite a rude way of making your point. I was very clear in the OP I’m happy to try it but I won’t become a martyr to it if it doesn’t work. I believe very strongly that there are lots of things that are important for the health of a baby and a happy mother is one of those.

Being frazzled and tired is bad for attachment - good attachment also has long term health benefits, it’s not a one size fits all situation.

I want to wear cute and expensive outfits….i don’t want to be yanking and pulling my tops all out of shape to breastfeed!

Someone else did do their fair share in my case. He took 6 weeks of paternity leave and I didn’t take a long maternity leave.

Not all men are shit.

I think most women struggle to some extent with breastfeeding first time around, but for those that are able to continue past that rough first few weeks, it seems to become quite fuss-free and even enjoyable for most. Thats my anecdotal observation, anyway.

I breastfed for only a very short time (6 weeks with DC1, 4 weeks with DC2) because I struggled severely with mastitis and abscesses, and was really quite unwell in hospital both times. I just didn’t have it in me to go any further. But of my close friends, all but one (who found breastfeeding straightforward from day 1) struggled and were miserable at first, but got the hang of it and continued for a year or more. None of them had particularly fussy babies and all seemed pretty chilled.

There are benefits and disadvantages to both BF and FF, as far as I can see.

Beyond the ‘it’s good for your baby’ stuff, I usd to envy the effortlessness of friends just getting their breast out to feed or soothe their baby any time, any place, and for as long as the baby needed, as opposed to faffing with preparing bottles and being able only to feed, not endlessly soothe, with a bottle in the same way as you can with a breast.

BUT…with FF, I massively appreciated the fact DH took over half the night feeds, which meant I was getting good sleep from early on. And I personally liked the fact I could be away from my baby for more than a couple of hours. I like my freedom!

But look, you don’t have to justify yourself to anybody, not even midwives or your partner. Just try not to compare or project when it comes other women and their choices.

I think it depends you get on with it. For me, I certainly was not happy breastfeeding. It felt like I was imprisoned. I gave up within a few weeks and pumped. Both got about 50-50 pumped and formula until about 3 months. I don't think I'd have coped with breastfeeding, it was making me seriously depressed and sleep deprived. They don't tell you about cluster feeding all through the night until you are in the middle of it.

Though , some people do enjoy it and it it's wrong to say they aren't happier. I think it's very hard when you are not enjoying it but the baby won't take a bottle - which happens. This is common and stressful.

I say give it a go but try not to let the pressure get to you if it's not working for whatever reason (one of which is your mental health).

The first few weeks are the hardest - it gets so much easier!

i found it hard too. A lot of people do . That’s why I’m surprised this poster had to fake a “yes it’s hard “ . Why bother ? Why not just say it was easy for me and I know it’s not that easy for everyone .

To be fair not all men have the option of 6 weeks paternity leave. My husband only gets 2 although he will be taking two weeks AL as well. We are planning to do SPL so he will take the last 3 months but that only works out for us because of our various enhanced pay policies (mine will run out but he will be able to take advantage of his). If you only get statutory pay and the husband is the higher earner it’s not really an option to take more time off.

They didn’t take annual leave when their babies were born to supplement paternity leave? They couldn’t spend a couple of minutes before and after work putting bottles in the microwave to sterilise them or making sure the bottles were ready by the prep machine?

I don’t know. I was never desperate to breast feed. It just seemed to work fine with DS. There were some sore nips at times and sometimes ow when he got teeth at 4 months. They hurt. But it was pretty easy for me to breast feed. I didn’t obsessively pump but I sometimes did. DS stated over with my mum when he was 6 weeks. She gave him his first bottle with expressed milk and some formula as she spilled the expressed milk. I wasn’t stressed about it because I was never really bothered about doing it or not doing it.

I had some family pressure to not breast feed as there was no way (apparently) DS could g t what he needed from me. But he grew endlessly.

I was done with it at 44 weeks because I didn’t want to do it anymore. So I stopped.

DS didn’t routinely have bottles but he never refused them when I wasn’t there. He happily had anything. I never felt I had to stay home to be with him if I wanted an evening out or a night away then I had one. He had a dad and capable grandparents.

My cousin had 4 children, breastfed the first and last but not the middle two.

Different people. Different babies etc. Just do what works for you and your baby.

what a ridiculous comment to make . Mothers who chose to formula feed are not more inherently selfish than breastfeeding mothers.. I mean , “I guess” the fact that you made this comment shows a complete lack of empathy which is odd given that you are implying women who chose to formula feed are selfish

Gosh you seem to have a circle of friends with useless partners . My dh still did bottles at night even when he was back at work .

Women are allowed to choose if they want to do it. Prefer not to force women if they don't want to do it.

I get that. It still doesn’t stop him from doing his fair share when he’s at home and during the night though.

I didn’t breastfeed my first. - tried but following a traumatic birth and him being poorly I just wanted him fed, and in all honesty, not touching me all the time. We loved FF for many reasons - dad more involved, could take turns at night so I could have a full night rest every weekend, super easy etc.
I’m currently pregnant with no#2 and will try to breastfed again mainly because FF is expensive!! And I had huge envy of mums just whacking out a boob when out whilst I was juggling bottles, boiled water, sterilised water etc etc. however I won’t get myself into a state if it doesn’t work out, and I don’t plan to EBF though I think sometimes combi can be even more challenging. I’ll just play it by ear.

I think this is a really healthy attitude. Give it a go but don’t make yourself miserable doing it, not good for you or baby.

And it’s not all or nothing, you can do a bit of breast and a bit of formula if that works best for you.

It’s not one size fits all.

Breastfeeding can be hard at the beginning but then becomes significantly easier than bottle feeding in my experience- no sterilising, no lugging around equipment, as soon as baby feels hungry you can just pop them on.

lunch with an exclusively breastfed baby would be just the same as you describe except the mum would put a nipple in the baby’s mouth rather than a bottle.

people push through the negatives you mention because the benefits to both mum and baby are significant and for most people are worth any sacrifices you have to make.

in terms of bottle feeding mums being happier, breastfeeding offers significant mental health benefits for mothers by triggering hormones like oxytocin and prolactin, which promote relaxation, lower stress levels and reduce the risk of postpartum depression and anxiety

I'm expecting my 3rd currently, I struggled to BF my first and switched fully to formula around 8 weeks as she was losing too much weight. This was in 2020 so the pandemic also meant BF support was limited. I had a lot of regret around it all, and my 2nd baby healed a lot of that for me. He was very easy to BF but I realised I didn't enjoy it, I felt touched out constantly, felt like I couldn't spend time with my eldest which after a difficult 2nd pregnancy felt really important etc. I switched to formula fully for him around 6 weeks, I am likely to do the same this time round too. I found the division of labour more equal with FF and overall I enjoyed it more but that's my personal experience. Others I know have loved breast feeding and genuinely enjoyed the closeness it brings and found it really easy.

My advice would be feed however feels best to you and your baby.

I did mixed feeding from day one with both my DDs. BF, bottle BF, formula … I didn’t want to do every do for feed - I wanted my (now ex) DH to take the turn.

Often the breastfeeding mums look more frazzled because the distribution of labour in the home followed the feeding if that makes sense. It's a really common pit trap, even with the closest, best intentioned couples. Baby is EBF, baby settles best with a feed, only mum can feed, suddenly mum is the expert on baby and doing most of the work.

There's definitely still ways to find balance, but it takes intentional effort from both parents. I found it pretty easy with my two, but I had an involved partner who took care of me while I took care of them.

This

dh got 1 week for the first child and 2 weeks each for the other two

he is not a shit dad in the slightest

In my circle completely the opposite. The bottle feed babies got sick often, were clingy, had bad stomachs, the mums were still fat a year later and were under enormous pressure to leave babies with grandma and go back to work faster. None of the babies slept, the breast feed ones ate loads better because they were stealing interesting food while on mum's lap. Breast feeding is tough in the first few weeks and then massively easier.