Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

All I would say is that just trying BF and seeing if it works.....often doesn't work. BF is wonderful, but it's a skill. You need to do your research and put in the work. Both before and after the baby is born. BF in the early days is hard, hard work.

BF worked for ME. Babies thrive on formula, all the time. But I think a relaxed view of "see how it goes" is part of the problem with the low BF rates. Women think it comes easily/naturally. It doesn't. It takes time and help. I paid for a private lactation consultant as the midwives were clueless.

I had to bottle feed due to medication I take. One thing I have found as a side effect as being an advantage is my husband can share the responsibility of feeding in the middle of the night so I can get more rest. I’ve asked my friends who breast feed and they say although they can pump to give their husbands milk to give at night it would mean they would not have enough for when they need to, so really they have to do it the whole time so husband gets a whole nights worth of sleep whereas they get up everytime, I take my hat off to them as I could not have done that in the first couple of months!

Congrats Op! Everyone journey is different! Honestly do what works for YOUR baby when he/she arrives.

We never went to pubs and restaurants full stop, honestly. Neither of us were drinkers, and my husband was a chef at the time, and loved cooking quality, delicious food at home for a quarter the price. So as I said, visiting family and friends for weekend get together, or getting the rare takeaways, were our favourite things to do.

I never understand people who go out to restaurants, honestly! But I guess not everyone has a personal chef, haha.

I found breastfeeding meant I had to slow down, take breaks, and spend time with my babies. My hormones felt more regulated. It got harder after going back to work/ introducing food/ return of periods. But those first six months (other than week one with my first where I had bad advice and got mastitis) were pretty good. I enjoyed that early baby stage far more than I thought I would.

I also think sleeping / not sleeping well seems to be a bit of a luck of the draw. My oldest was great until six months when he started teething. My youngest was not so great, but had less issues teething... So who knows!

The choice should be what works for you and your family.

Because, if possible to establish, it’s much better for them eg gut microbiome, affecting mental health, immunity, than substituting factory made powdered milk with additives.

That’s why eg donated breast milk is prioritised for babies who are premature and in intensive care.

It also adapts such as become more watery or thicker depending on if they need the hydration in hot weather or not for example.

I don’t agree with the fussy aspect, that’s the character of the baby or whatever is going on (like teething) or time of day.

FF among my friends had more infections especially gastric, explosive nappies aren’t fun either.

Once established there is less faff of sterilising, making sure temperature is correct and so on. Also you may be able to express so partner can feed as well.

It’s a short part of their life, giving them the best start you can and looking back with no regrets.

I do think there is a lack of support to establish breastfeeding, sometimes expertise is helpful. La Leche very good and practical.

I breastfed both my DC (currently still bf 15m old) I stopped earlier with DC1 and I was a lot happier. I’ve only kept going because it gets dc2 to sleep very easily at nap/bedtimes and he still wakes in the night. The only reason I done it was for the health benefits to them so I don’t regret it, but it’s been hard

I EBF both of mine and loved it, but like you I was happy to formula feed if didn't work out. Once my babies were established on the breast it was so easy. There are other benefits too that people often forget

• reduces several cancer risks for mother
• potentially no periods while ebf (yay)
• far less time bleeding initially post birth as contracts womb so comes out in a few days
• sick babies are much more likely to take breast milk than formula so far less likely to be hospitalised for common viruses
• baby less likely to have allergies, weight issues, gut issues or be a picky eater later on

Only if that’s how they choose to interpret it.

Facts are facts: breast is best. But if you can’t do it then you can use formula.

I find breastfeeding easier I'm still doing it and my DD has just turned 2

I chose to use formula - a very positive experience.

I imagine a lot of what you observe, and said is true.

But a lot of women feel strongly that they want their baby to have breast milk so they put up with any of the potential negatives that may come with breastfeeding.

Haven't read the thread because it's a very emotive subject and some people get very passionate about it
I never attempted to breastfeed, simply because I didn't want to. Not at all, so I didn't.
My son ailed very little as a child and, as a man, is tall, intelligent (and utterly fabulous!!) We are still incredibly close, and I don't feel we needed any help bonding.
Do what you want to do, op, that's what matters!

@OtterlyAstounding

you really can’t understand why people go out to restaurants?! Really?!

erm…to have the chance to get out the house, to not have to shop, cook and clean up; chance to get dressed up; opportunity to talk to your partner and have quality time without the distractions and stress of home; to have someone cook who is better at cooking than you…..the list of advantages goes on…!

I’ve done both, baby that was exclusively on formula and baby that was exclusively breastfed, then went on to have another which I am also exclusively breastfeeding. I regret using formula n completely believe breastfeeding is the best and the lack of education around it in this country is ridiculous. Why would anyone want to put a whole bunch of chemicals into their precious new baby unless of course they had no other choice. Breastfeeding also helps ur baby’s immune system, they are less likely to catch bugs and if they do they recover way faster than a formula baby. Our bodies create this special milk that no man made milk could compete with. Also the recent issue with contaminated formula is even more of a reason to steer away

@DosPerros

If you can’t do it, or…don’t WANT to do it..both equally valid

This is all very true, but I think if you start with a mindset like that then there’s no point anyway. It may not work for you, or you may find it far easier and more convenient that you expect.

Personally, I don’t fully understand why people decide for birth that they won’t try it at all (especially given worldwide medical advice is that it’s what’s best for the baby, all things being equal) but I completely agree that if you’ve tried it and for whatever reason it doesn’t work, then absolutely a happy mum will have a far more beneficial impact on the baby! It sort of sounds from your posts though like you’ve already decided it won’t work for you, then it definitely won’t.

Im still breasting my middle child. Be 3 in december.

I breast one exclusively & did some bottles with second.

God it was much easier just ebf! The first 3 or so were tricky learning how but then it was so easy. No planning just feed them when they want. No getting out of bed on a winters night to fack about with a prep machine or whatever. No washing up.

If BF works for you then it is glorious and a complete breeze once you get the hang of it. I really think it depends what kind of person you are as to whether you get on with it or not. You also need to be comfortable in your own skin and happy to whip out a boob in public if necessary. Highly strung mums who worry about things do not cope well with bf from my anecdotal experience. Are you the kind of person who wants to control things or are you happy to go with the flow? Also, most importantly, how much mat leave will you have? I know lots of mums (not UK based) who would have loved to BF but had to go back to work at 12 weeks so had to FF.

I didn't breastfeed and just used those bought made up bottles when we went out, I was fairly happy though as he slept well and was a fairly easy baby which was all good

The comments on this thread are vile. You can get an educated point across about the benefits of breastfeeding without being a complete dick about it. I chose to FF for mental health reasons but reading comments on here wouldnt do anyone's mental health any good that exclusively FF! Vile. Supporting women in pregnancy my arse! Disgusting!!!

You should make your own choice, I breastfed my three babies and I couldn’t be dealing with making up formula, washing and sterilising bottles, bringing formula milk on planes and on holidays, waiting for it to cool down while baby screams etc etc it looks like a lot of work. I found just sticking them on the boob way less faff. It’s immediate and always the right temperature. They all breastfed back to sleep at night within minutes.
I had a very supportive husband and a wonderful lactation consultant who helped me get feeding established. And once the initial few weeks were over things got very easy. i also had support form LaLecheLeague.
good luck with your new baby x

I found it difficult at first to get established but then once it was done, felt much less faff then the people who I knew who were formula feeding and seemed to be looking for hot water at very specific times/have flasks etc. Was easier to just pop baby on. However I must say I was slightly jealous of a friend who FF (having really wanted to BF and it not working) being able to get back to hobbies/ things outside of baby sooner. But really that was only a few months of my life and I don’t regret it.

How long do you think it takes to make a bottle in a perfect prep - or more importantly how long it will take your DH to do it?