Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

Your belief is smug and irrelevant.

Breastfeeding doesn’t work for everyone. The reason people feel bad when it doesn’t is because of people like you.

(I have two children, one EBF and one combo-fed. I’m pro-breastfeeding, just anti this sanctimonious crap).

There’s a class divide from what I’ve seen over the years: MC more likely to bf; WC more likely to FF.

I did both: my eldest had terrible reflux and I ended up switching to formula at 8 weeks because he threw up every feed and I’d have no more to give him, and then his medicine needed to be mixed into milk. For him, FF was easier because if he threw up, I could just make more, plus it was easier to give him his medicine. I did feel very guilty though: FF seemed like a less natural, lazy option, but it was necessary for us.

My youngest was BF until nearly one, and I also expressed so other people could feed him too. I found it convenient and easy - I could just leave the house with nappies etc, no bottles or water or whatever.

I do think choosing to FF is lazy though; it’s clearly not the best way to feed a baby and the whole ‘fed is best’ is a way of alleviating the the guilt of this. Some of us struggle to BF for whatever reason (or can’t) and formula is a great option here, but it should never be the default.

And I have no skin in the game because mine are older.

As opposed to starting a whole thread so a bunch of bitter women can harp on about how breastfeeding mothers are soooo sad and bottle feeding mothers are sooo happy. That seems like a healthy way to deal with disappointment.

I honestly don't care what other women do. Really truly couldn't be less interested if I tried. Bottle feed. Breastfeed. Combi feed. I've never thought about what other women do. I am happy with my choices. I don't care how many babies you had or what you did with them.

I stand by my beliefs. If there was better breastfeeding support out there and women took a bit more time choosing the men they have children with then threads like this wouldn't exist because there simply wouldn't be so much bitterness about the fact they couldn't do it.

No guilt here - formula from day one worked perfectly. Happy healthy babies = happy parents. (DC’s are now in their 20’s so I can see it worked for us).
Everyone should make their own decision - neither are better or worse than the other. It’s only one very tiny decision you will have as your DC’s grow up. You can’t tell how anyone was fed as a baby - they will still end up crawling in the dirt, eating too much junk food and cheap beer!

Re: sterilizing bottles and formula: I just realized through Googling that the UK and the US have different official guidance on this. I don’t know if it has to do with differences in water supply or differences in the percentage of people with dishwashers or what, but while it seems UK parents are told to always sterilize bottles and formula, US parents are advised that it’s unnecessary if the baby isn’t premature, unwell, or under two months old.

I ran all the bottles and nipples through the dishwasher and made each bottle right before feeding with room-temperature water and powdered formula. I can understand why bottle-feeding could be cumbersome if you’ve got to heat and then cool every bottle before the baby can drink it.

Given my personal circumstances, still would have preferred it to breastfeeding if I lived in the UK, though.

I found breastfeeding so much easier. No sterilising, no having to make up bottles, no big bag of stuff when we went out. I used to lay down on my side in the night and baby would help herself to my boobs and I’d stay half asleep.

The first week was tricky, but after that we were flying!

But I did have babies that took very well to breastfeeding. Not everyone is as fortunate.

It's your observation and opinion. Like everyone else, you can really only do what you think is right for you.

Literally every body is different. Nobody else can tell you what to do but I'm sure many will try.

I know I've read the word "faff" on this one more than enough to last two lifetimes.

That makes little sense though as OP hasn’t had her baby yet and is undecided about breastfeeding so why would she be bitter about it?

Some people also choose to formula feed and aren’t going to be bitter about something they didn’t want to do anyway.

Not everyone has someone who can help

My kids are all grown now but my advice to anyone trying to decide what to do would be to educate yourself as much as you can about breastfeeding and give it a whirl. I’d also say, it’s ok to decide that it’s not for you and switch to formula if you want to. Don’t succumb to other people’s opinions.

I breastfed my first and it really didn’t go well for many reasons (mainly me having no idea what I was doing, hence my advice to educate yourself). So for 2 and 3 I went straight to formula and life was so much easier.

I was surrounded by breast feeders though (US) and they were all very miserable for the first 6 months. None of their babies ever slept more than an hour or two at a stretch. They all thought I was a magician with my sleeping babies, but it was literally because they were formula fed which led to routines.

I also took care of an infant whose mum was an exclusive pumper, and he was the easiest baby ever! She had a great supply though. At 5 months he drank a 9 ounce bottle at every feed.

Prepping and washing bottles wasn’t a big deal for me. It took 20 minutes a day.

Most people do.

I found it hard and that actually there’s very little good support out there. Yes there’s things advertised, but in reality many are shit. There’s the national breastfeeding hotline which is supposed to be 24/7. I called them 8 times, only got answered once the other times I got automated response telling me to call back on the Monday.

I went to both a local support group and on the helpline they both asked how my baby was and if he was gaining weight. When I said yes, they said that was great. The fact I was so exhausted I was hallucinating and was at the stage where I was going to put my baby back only to realise I hadn’t picked them up yet, I got this well it all seems to be going fine because baby is gaining weight. Provided baby was fine they didn’t really seem to give a shit about me and the state I was in… then they wonder why rates are so low and so many women give up.

Im sure I’m listed as a woman “helped” by these services, when in reality they both made me feel worse

My boys are 19 and 16 now but i made up all their bottles the night before too im in the uk the gidance changed a few years later but its just guidance
Plus i had a steam sterilissr
I just washed the bottles out put them in the the the steriliser with a bit of water and put the steriliser in the microwave for two minutes

I wasn't able to breastfeed despite trying really hard with both. Bottle feeding wasn't a lot easier however due to colic and reflux. My sister is able to breastfeed and despite a hard start, found it so easy and effortless after that. It really does depend, it's worth trying breastfeeding if you're able

The prep work breastfeeding saved and the freedom it gave me made me happy. It took some work with my first, but the second was a breeze. I wasn’t any less knackered or stressed once they were weaned, so I think it was motherhood generally that did that.

I prefered bottle feeding as it gave me more freedom, shared night feeds etc

You are assuming someone else WILL do it. Most of my friends' partners went back to work after 2 weeks of paternity leave and from the on they were doing about 98% of all bottles and all the cleaning.

Definitely not. Breastfeeding mums always seem much happier IME. Maybe you are seeing what you want to see @ChristmasBaby2026 because you don't want to breastfeed. If you don't want to then don't, but don't try and justify it by making out breastfeeding mums are miserable.

Spot the mum with no experience of dealing with low supply!

I do think choosing to FF is lazy though

Rude!!!!!!

Yep agree with this.

I agree SO HARD with this. It's an appalling thing to say. And I'm a hardcore breastfeeder. We're all entitled to make the choices that work for us.

Also FF is a lot more work than BF when BF works well, so the opposite of lazy.

I guess if you come before your baby in your mindset then sure, dont bother trying to breastfeed, formula feeding probably is easier in many ways. Breastfeeding has significant long term health benefits for your baby though, so depends on your priorities...

i was only able to BF three of my five sons. I only did it for a year with the last tandem feeders so I wouldn’t call it really extended. It was hard for me. Really hard in the beginning. But once we got the hang of it it really was the easiest choice. No warming up bottles, no cleaning up bottles. Just whip it out. 😊. It turned out to be a really special experience for me.

I absolutely bloody hated bfing and mostly
did it for 2 reasons: I lived at MILs when dc1 was born and her house is very tall, there were 5 split level sets of stairs from the kitchen to our bedroom and it would have been a ball ache in the night, and my midwife pretty strongly made me persist. I’m lazy and in a way i’m grateful it worked eventually although the cracked bleeding nipples phase was horrific. I was 19 when the first was born and I would comfortably feed wherever they needed feeding. I fed them for 8 months Second one for 3 months and third for 6 months, each time we moved onto bottles we bought pre made formula. With all of them I pumped to do some bottles for dh to take over sometimes in the night from about 3 months so they would be used to a bottle.

My life got so much nicer when dh could share any of the feeds. I just found it a horribly invasive experience, not magical
or bonding, just a burden tbh. And I generally enjoyed all other parts of having babies!