Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

What a weird OP. I breastfed all three of mine and was a very contented mum. Breastfeeding is a no brainer:

it’s free
do it wherever and whenever
no equipment
no worries about “have they had enough “ - they stop when full
you get back into your normal clothes quickly

Breast really is best. I know some mums don’t want to hear this but it’s true. The WHO recommends breastfeeding until child is two.

Oh and I never saw it as “getting my boobs out in public” 🤨 you quickly get really discrete at it. I see a lot of women feeding nowadays with a muslin draped over the baby - poor child, being covered up, it’s totally unnecessary.

That’s interesting - I see the opposite! I’ve never seen anyone cover up while breastfeeding, most people seems to be very happy to just do it (as is right)

Obviously. So what? What's wrong with acknowledging that right now and for the last 2 years, BF has made my life easier?

So any woman who can't manage this is going to feel she has done her children a disservice.

So you wouldn't want to breastfeed to sleep for months or years of ease because of a few days (maybe a week) of transitioning them out of it?

I BF both of mine, with a bit of combi with my first as he was a bit slow to gain weight (in hindsight, I think both HV and I were overly stressed about this and he probably didn't need it). My experience - compared to friends who FF - is that BF is harder at first and then easier.

The feeding on demand, all through the night, just you is really difficult. You need a supportive partner who takes the baby between feeds and to give yourself time and space to go with the flow in the early days. I found just trusting they would take enough very tricky with my first who was slow to gain; number 2, when I knew what to expect and she "got" feeding quicker, was a lot easier. But after 3 months, when they seem more robust and feeds space out and get more regular, it's so much easier than having to carry bottles, plan for having enough feeds etc. I could shove a couple of spare nappies and a pack of wipes in handbag and be good all day.

Maybe until a certain point but by the time they are toddlers I think it best to not feed to sleep in order to get them asleep.

Totally agree and the babies seem happier too well the certainly cry a lot less than breastfeed babies in my experience. Dads and grandparents are able to become more involved from an early stage. Far too much pressure put on new mums to breastfeed

Who says it would only be a few days or a week? Some of the threads on here include toddlers not only feeding to sleep but also waking up every few hours in the night like a newborn with the OP exhausted and going out of her mind.

So when it doenst work for you anymore then you stop - doesn't take long to break the habit, but doesn't mean you should never start in the first place

Agree.
i bf both and jusf wouldnt bother.
Because both mine cluster fed. Didnt sleep ever.

I understand that but assuming you can do both breast feeding is definitely less faff re: cleaning/sterilising and everything else you have to do with bottles.

My initially breastfed child was allergic to my milk. So clearly breastfeeding doesn't prevent allergies!

Both of mine was mainly or solely formula fed but never sick.

Immunity is mainly luck of the draw, and down to lots of factors, mainly genetic and is therefore inherited rather than conferred by feeding method

It's alien to me that a mother would spend entire nights away from their newborn baby every single week. I would feel sad that she hadn't bonded well, not envious.

And breastfeeding helped me snap back physically very quickly, so again no formula or bottles needed for that.

Ultimately you did what worked for you, which is all anyone should do.

It's just you.
I breast fed my children very happily as did my daughter with my grandchildren.
I couldn't have coped with bottles, sterilising, heating it to the right temperature etc especially in the night. Responsive feeding and demand feeding is much easier if you breast feed too.
I certainly didn't see myself as being chained to my baby I wanted to be with my baby!

My EBF babies were really happy and rarely cried because I popped a boob in their mouth whenever they fussed. I was chilled because I could feed them anywhere and only took a nappy and pack of wipes in my handbag half the time. My husband and the grandparents have always been really involved.

I don't understand why people need to justify one parenting choice by making big generalising negative statements about other people's choices.

Nobody should feel that they've done their child a disservice, but the WHO guidelines are what they are.

I believe a very small proportion of women truly can't breastfeed, and that is where formula plays a very important role.

Most women just don't receive adequate support from the very first feed to establish breastfeeding, or have inadequate partners who don't pick up the slack at home.

Different people will find different things to be a faff too I suppose.

I didn’t find it a faff to put some bottles in the dishwasher once a day. I also didn’t have to be the one to do it.

Perfect prep for bottles 90seconds - hardly a faff especially when someone else can do it

What evidence do you have for that? Because my experience is the opposite. The breast fed babies I know were very happy babies. Their fathers were very involved they just didn't feed them there are many other ways to get involved.
And I am very involved in my grandchildren's lives.

and especially if you have one downstairs and one upstairs. 😂

In my experience its just you

all of my friends whether they breast fed or not seemed perfectly happy with their choices

Still considerably more faff than breastfeeding though.

Even if someone else can do it?