Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

For some

My uterus shrank to its original size anyway when I was bottle feeding just as quick as when I breast fed . I was so hungry breast feeding I was eating granola bars at night and all sorts .

My baby woudnt drink the freezer milk ! I had a massive freezer stash that ultimately went in the bin

we used to defrost it and make the baby porriage up with it - as my DC weren't that keen either.

I breast fed all 3 of mine exclusively and I was very happy, not tied to the house because my breasts were with me and ready to feed any time. I was also really pleased I didn't have to faff about with bottles and mixing formula etc. which Imo sounds like a massive pain in the backside.

I would hate being restricted to breast feeding friendly clothes and outfits

Granted if makes wearing a dress difficult but oyherwise you just have to lift your top up, or unbutton it.

I formula fed by choice and loved it. DH and I shared all feeds and both of us bonded well with DS. Grandparents could also get involved when visiting, which they enjoyed. DS loved Aptamil at room temperature, so the ready to use cartons were brilliant, so he could be fed at anytime by anyone. I refused to be shamed by the diehard Breastapo types. I fully understand and respect those who breastfeed. It just wasn't for me - and happy mum equals happy baby in my book. Do what is right for you and your DH.

There is no baby group where I live except one for breastfeeding mothers specifically. I breastfed my first but there were no groups cos it was Covid . Couldn’t breastfeed my second as I had a massive postpartum haemorrhage and was severely anaemic . It was so bad even my health visitor and a breastfeeding consultant said I was right to not keep pushing , my baby was screaming every time I tried to get him to latch . I was looking forward to joining that group but couldn’t and there was no alternative .just annoys me sometimes the preachiness from mums who breastfeed. It’s not always possible .

A lot of the problem is the huge amount of pressure put on mums to BF, and the lack of information about the downsides, problems etc. Rather than BF itself. For friends for whom BF worked well after initial few days/weeks, it was relatively straightforward and they were insistent it was easier and that FF looked like a lot of work.

I had planned to EBF, it turned out that was never going to be possible for medical reasons (something I had no idea was even a possibility in advance!) and I ended up combi-feeding, but not without a lot of angst and some really awful midwives/HVs in the process who were all very anti-formula.

I did end up BFing for several years. I’m
not sure it was worth it. It gave me PND, I hated the pressure to do it and that no one was prepared to have a conversation about stopping. It was also a lot of expensive hassle, which was definitely not the message I was given in advance!

In contrast, FFing had predictable costs, meant feeds could be shared and was considerably better for my mental health.

You do you.

Do note that women don't tend to share if they struggle. And because formula comes with guilt, many women will be even less likely to complain about it. There is a competitiveness about motherhood that is annoying.

I breastfeed because I'm lazy. It's hard at the start, yes you are chained to the house/baby, but it's an absolute breeze by 4/5 months.

Still BF my 2 year old. It puts him to sleep in 10 minutes. No long bedtime stories, whatever. 10 minutes and he sleeps 11 hours.

It also helps with teething, tantrums, etc.

Formula can come up with a lot of worry and faff too.

Also note that if you BF, you really can't go around shouting how wonderful it is.

I found so many mums at groups/friends had tried BF and failed and were upset about it, so socially it was not acceptable to go around being too positive about how well it worked out for me.

So I tend to shut up when the topic comes up or do a light "yes it's so hard" noise

When you say "happier", you mean smug. Yes, they do.

I EBF one of mine. Much preferred it. So easy and flexible. No standing at the sink every day cleaning bottles. Could go out for much longer than planned as didn't need to have bottles organised so more flexible if we decided to go for a long walk etc. So easy to settle baby. Could take my eldest to swimming lessons and just feed baby so easily without having to hold a bottle etc. I shudder when I see people with bottles and all the faff and prep it involves as I remember it well from my 1st.

Odd post

Haven’t read the full thread so apologies if already been mentioned but there’s evidence to suggest dummies reduce the risk of SIDS too (as stated by the Lullaby Trust) so there are benefits too!

I think in the early days FF is easier but once established BF is easier. I only did FF and have no regrets. I didnt find it much faff going out and about with bottles. I think it looks more complicated than it is

The thing that baffles me on these threads is the multiple posts talking about ‘the massive faff’ of bottles. WHAT MASSIVE FAFF? I washed them in a few mins, sterilised them in a microwave steriliser, used a perfect prep machine which made a bottle super quickly… I’m lazy and it was all fine. Always winds me up the going on about the bloody faff 🤣 (I did breastfeed for a bit as well. Didn’t really enjoy it)

What an unhelpful mean comment.

This poster actually has relevant experience to share because she has done both so her insight is very useful to the OP.

It was a fair point. The previous poster was saying that Breastfeeding isn’t as convenient as some people suggest . as though it was a definitive fact rather than “in my experience…”

Yanbu. I’ve done both. I exclusively breastfed DC1 and DC2 for 6 months then continued to feed them with solids till they were both 1. Their sleep was terrible, I couldnt leave them for more than 2 hours as they wont even drink expressed milk in a bottle. They also struggled settling into nursery as they were so attached to me as they both started at 9 months and were not drinking milk there, only water and some food.

When I had DC3, he was a week old when I fell asleep when I was feeding him and he almost rolled out of the bed, thank God DH wasn’t asleep then. That was when it dawned on me that this wasn’t sustainable a third time. We bought formula the next day and DH started giving him a bottle at 8pm and he’ll take him to bed so that I can sleep and when he wakes up around 2am to bf, I was already well rested. I didn’t deal with faffing with making bottles at night either. Honestly, it was the best of both worlds. I wish I did this with the older 2. I’ll say he was 80% bf and had 20% formula. I could go out for longer, he settled quickly in nursery when it was time, it was just so peaceful. I fed him till he self weaned at almost 2 because there was no pressure so I would say he had more breast milk overall than the others because he fed for longer too.

Me too.
BF'ing I think is harder to begin with but with support and a bit of perseverance it's so much easier in the long term.

Not much difference to a few pp’s who have never formula fed but seem determined to make out that it is so much more harder. Fair enough if they have done both and it is their actual experience.

I mean, I was told by someone who doesn’t even have twins how easier it would’ve been if I had breastfed my twins. 😂

At some point it will stop and you will have to manage to get him to sleep without the crutch of BF.

Plenty of us lost weight and went back into our clothes without BF.